When you open my chest on the autopsy table…

When you open my chest on the autopsy table you will find the silver lining around my scarred heart marking the illness I overcame.

You will find a turquoise sea of love that I experienced throughout my lifetime.

Lust for places I traveled to and fell in love with, and all of the places that were always on my list for a future time.

You will find images of my son tucked away — saving them like photographs in an old static-cling photo album we always had when I was a kid.

You will find the joy that filled my days after the needle that removed the serosanguineous fluid from around my heart gave me a second chance at life — true, fully alive life.

You will find parts of every person I have connected with, every moment in nature I’ve spent, and every adventure I have ever had.

Body decaying, spirit gone on to the next life to live and love again through another suit with its own bones and flesh and organs.

A chest open with remnants remaining with the spark of my spirit on to the next time and place.

When you open my chest on the autopsy table, you won’t find me.

I am boundless and ever-evolving.

I’ll be back among the stars.

Energy swirling around the cosmos connecting back in with the Source that I AM.

When my body died, my spirit lept out and became everything that it always was — INFINITE.

I wrote this in a spoken word workshop I participated in this past weekend. We all had to include the same 5 words (I accidentally left one of them out) with the same opening line. We wrote for 10 minutes. This is what came of it. I hadn’t really thought about what I had written until I stood in front of the group to read it. Reading it out loud moved me to tears. It made me realize how even with everything I’ve been through, life is so very beautiful.

When I do leave this body, I want the people who love me to internalize this message. Read this at a party on the beach around a bonfire while people drum, dance, and celebrate! Toss my cremated remains into the sea and move on with gratitude for any moments you shared with me. We are far more than the meat suits we’re currently wearing. Life would not be so sweet without death. We are all infinite spiritual beings having a human experience.

Thank you for being here. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG or FB for more inspiring content. Sending you all so much love!

There is So Much More To Dancing!

Dancing has never just been about dancing. The indigenous people around the globe know it. The church has known it (which is why some have tried to stop it from happening in the past). There is a true freedom that arises when we dance. A pure joy that emanates from the spiritual beings that we are. A swirling and igniting of energies that ripple out from our own field and connect with the earth, the spirits of everything in nature, and each other. Expressing ourselves fully through free-form movement and dance can change the world!

I have found that being authentic, following my joy, and following my intuition (guidance from my own spirit) has led to my alignment with my own spirit. Alignment is the KEY to everything we seek! Well-being of body, mind, and spirit, inner peace and a sense of fulfillment, happiness, love, freedom, and abundance. Our alignment holds the answers for all of the questions we seek answers to in regards to the meaning of our life and our purpose this go around.

When we dance, we tap into our true nature. We can set intentions when we dance to create and send love out into the universe. By doing so, we extend even more positive energy out into the world from living our joy and dancing!

Dance more! Shine your light! Your energy ripples out into the world and affects everyone and everything. Be mindful of the kinds of ripples you’re creating. Follow your joy! Allow yourself to thrive! DANCE ALIGN ELEVATE THRIVE!

I’m on a cloud today after speaking at Visalia Talks & Wine last night about “Healing Depression with Mindfulness and Holographic Kinetics”. I shared some deep parts of my personal experiences with depression and suicide. Stay tuned, because I’ll be posting the video of it when it’s ready! I know it was the first of many such opportunities and I’m so excited!! Thank you to @kelseylowshow for creating the event and being so dang amazing and for everyone who took the time to come to the event and connect with me afterwards! I am so grateful!

Thank you so much for reading along! If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG or FB for more inspirational content. Sending you so much love!

Dear New College Graduates,

Picture from book “just love.” by Scott Stabile

“The light within each of us fears nothing, accepts everything, and sees the value of it all as a means for deeper growth and healing. Trust in your light. It will make sense of your darkness.” — by Scott Stabile “just love.”

I recently had a new college graduate reach out to me for some advice. At the end of the conversation, I realized that what I had shared could potentially help a lot of people. So, I’ve decided to post it here. Conversations like this one light me up and keep me going. It is my intention to simply direct people back to themselves, to their own inner knowing, and to alignment with their own spirits. Always trust in your light!

I realize the power of my perspective to help shift people into a new level of awareness. But, I am acutely aware that all knowledge and wisdom lies in the person themselves. As spiritual beings having a human experience, we each have the answers that we seek within us. We hold the keys to what is holding us back and the keys to our own healing. We hold the key to our next steps along our path. We just have to quiet our minds and really listen to the whispers of our own spirit. Life is about living as the main character in our own show without allowing the loud roar of voices from our families, society, and even our own egos distract us from following our own inner guidance system. You came here to be exactly YOU!

Just the fact that you’re here, on this planet is enough for you to deserve everything your heart desires, because only you hold your exact energetic frequency. You vibrate higher when you show up authentically and unapologetically YOURSELF while you follow your joy and live your life to the fullest, whatever that looks like for YOU! (not me or your parents or your teachers or society.) Just because things have been a certain way for a lot of years doesn’t mean anything other than humans may have gotten into a bit of a rut. We are in great need of some movers and shakers to help change it up. So, instead of worrying about how to manage your anxiety as you bend and fold yourself to fit into an existing box that you’re terrified of getting stuck in, align with your own spirit, and stay the hell away from any box or any person trying to fit you into one! (or at least don’t ask for or take advice from those people). Run and be free and forge your own path! It’s 2020, it’s time to get clear on the vision you want for your own life.

College Graduate: “Hi, I just saw your IG tv video on why the govt wants to control indigenous people and agree with you completely. However, this makes me look at my own life and I feel so trapped. I’m about to graduate college and have been putting off applying to jobs just because I don’t want to be a slave. I want to break free but it goes against everything and I feel so lost. I want to live freely and in alignment but my poverty mindset & trauma seems to stop me. Do you have any words of advice?“

Me: “Wow thanks for reaching out to me! I hear you. I see you. And I appreciate you.

If you’re feeling like you don’t want to apply to jobs right now, then my advice? Don’t apply to jobs. You JUST graduated. There’s no real hurry to jump into something you’re not going to feel passionate about. I just went to a powerful intention setting ceremony today and it was powerful.

Sit quietly with your eyes closed, clear your mind and ask: what is God’s (my own spirit is what I asked, universe etc) highest vision for my life in 2020?

For me a word came into mind almost instantly. See what comes up for you. And then listen to it and take a step towards it.

I am a practitioner of Holographic Kinetics, a powerful healing modality based on Dreamtime Healing of the aboriginal people of Australia and I personally highly recommend it for clearing a poverty mindset and childhood trauma. It’s been so powerful for me that I plan to go have a session as soon as I can to clear some more things. You can read more at www.holographickinetics.com and see if there is a practitioner near you.

Lastly, know that those of us who are older than you don’t have the answers. Only you have the answers you seek. Ignore the outside voices and inner voice telling you what you “should” do and listen and feel into what you think you’d be really excited to do! The world is changing. The way things have been done are not the way they are anymore. Follow your joy! Follow your passion! Follow your own intuition and take a leap and ENJOY THE RIDE! You’re only a new college graduate once! Live it up!”

College Graduate: “Thank you so much for your kind words! It means so much & appreciate you taking the time and everything you’ve posted!

Thank you for the link as well, I’ve seen some of your posts mentioning it but thought I was too far for all of these practices that I see on IG in general. I read through the list and someone is near me! I’m going to look more into it and reach out to (practitioner name) 🙂

And I agree the world is changing, I’ve heard how many of the more creative fields will actually come back in demand, which is really nice (since I was lead to believe my degree was pointless)

However, it’s sometimes hard for me to distinguish which voice is which, how do you know when it’s your intuition speaking? (& not ur ego/ socialization)”

Me: “I wouldn’t worry about what ‘they’ say about any field. It doesn’t really matter. You just need to find the thing you’re most passionate about at any given time and do that! Success is inner peace, not the outside rewards like you’ve been taught.

Your spirit speaks to you through your intuition. Choosing based on live instead of fear can help you tap into it. As can following your joy and doing what you feel called to do even when the outside is telling you differently. Your intuition won’t ‘should’ you and make you feel guilty for things. It won’t talk negatively to you or get you to compare yourself to others. Your spirit/intuition is much more quiet at first than your ego. But as you learn to quiet your mind (meditation is great!) and follow your intuition, it’ll get stronger and you’ll trust it more once you realize it always leads you to amazing people, opportunities, and situations. Learn to observe your thoughts and actions and question everything that you think, especially when it’s making you feel bad.

I don’t know if this is something you’d enjoy, but find a way to travel somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Travel does so much for our self discovery. I assume you don’t have much responsibility yet, so now is the time to do the fun things. Jobs will be there when you get back and you’ll have a better sense of what you want to do. Have fun!!!”

College Graduate: “I was so worried about not wanting to play the game without direction, working for someone and all that, and was considering living in a hippie commune. I thought about what I actually like to do, writing & reading- I’ve always liked it, it’s a hobby of mine, it’s a “tool” I honed in college. I want to be a writer, and you’re right no one else could have told me that. I really had to purge all my stress to really see deep down. These answers lie within. Lies within our patterns, what we liked doing as kids, what we liked (but may have suppressed) now. I want to thank you again, your words sparked something in me after I really sat with them and my thoughts. This was all an abridged version of what I resolved but again, thank you. Much love ✨”

Me: “Oh this is so awesome to hear! I am so happy that you’ve found some answers for yourself. Your story and way of seeing the world is unique and you never know who can benefit from it. Write write write!!!! You are so welcome. Sending lots of love right back to you! Never lose your passion! Never stop following your own inner guidance! You are the only you and no one else can tell you how to live your best life. I hope you have a fantastic day!! ❤️”

Ripples people. Ripples! I’ll end this with a quote from the book “The Vortex” by Esther and Jerry Hicks:

“Most of the guidance, rules, and laws that are passed down from generation to generation are written by people who are not in the state of “allowing” their Connection with their Broader knowledge. In other words, the majority of the guidance that is thrust upon you has come from a perspective of lack, and it cannot lead you to an improved situation.”

Thank you for reading along! If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG or FB for more inspirational content. Sending you all so much love!

As I closed this post out, I had these lyrics for Digable Planets “Escapism (Gettin’ Free) (listen HERE!) pop into my head:

“Get free, get free y’all
Get free, get free y’all
Get free, get free y’all
Get free, get free y’all”

It’s time we all get FREE! How? Alignment with our own spirits!

Are You Giving Your Power Away?

“Life is much too short to continue to wait for someone else’s permission to fully live.”

Often we don’t realize we’re doing it, waiting for permission that is, but many of us are. Who are you giving your power away to?

Your parents? The ones who think that you should follow the status quo, because even after their divorce and decision to not date, they still believe that ultimate happiness for everyone lies in the house, the fence, the marriage, and the kids? When are you going to realize that you don’t have to live up to your parents’ expectations of you in order to be a fully whole and worthy human being? If your parents shoot down every idea you present to them that lights you up, stop telling them your plans. Stop asking for their opinions. Your journey is yours alone, and sometimes even your parents won’t understand you. And that’s OK.

Your kids? Maybe you’re a parent and you have Mom guilt about taking a trip alone. I know I did before I left for Western Australia in June of ‘18. Even though my son had balked at the idea of such a long flight, I still felt bad that he wasn’t going with me. But, at one point, I realized that it wasn’t right to put the burden of not following my life-long dream on my son’s shoulders. I think we wrongly do that a lot. We categorize ourselves as parents and then feel bad for anything we do outside of that role without our kids. We’re essentially feeding into the notion that our joy and self-care stops being important once our kids are born. But, if I have learned anything at all, it’s that I am a much better Mom when I have been consciously keeping my own bucket full. Our kids will be much better off if they have parents who take good care of themselves body, mind, and spirit. Our kids learn by what they see us do, not from our words, so in taking care of ourselves, we’re showing them how to take care of themselves. It’s not selfish, it’s vitally important.

Your partner? Perhaps they don’t like to do the things you want to do, and so you’ve just given up and decided that it’s easier if you just don’t do them. If you’re living that way, it’s only a matter of time before you lose yourself completely. It’s depressing to live a life in which you’re not following your joy. If your partner loves you unconditionally, then they will understand that it’s important for you to do things regularly that bring you joy. Maybe that’s not it, but you’ve been miserable for a long time and you’ve tried counseling and nothing is working. Your partner hasn’t made any effort towards making the partnership better, but then tells you they don’t want it to end. Know that you do not need their permission to leave. Know that any outsider who judges you for your feelings about your relationship has no business doing so, because they’re not in it. They can’t understand your experience, and they can’t see the dreams you hold for your life. It’s OK to let go. You don’t need anyone else’s permission but your own. I had friends offer their two cents as I was deciding on what to do about my own marriage. All it did was add to my guilt for feeling the things I felt. I stopped talking about it with other people, and ultimately made the decision that was best for me and my family. Side note: if you’re reading books titled things like “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”, it’s really time to leave. If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no. That goes for any decision in life.

Even when advice comes with good intentions, no one outside of us should hold power over us when it comes to living our best lives. Our journey is unique to us, and we’ve got to stop trying to get others to understand it before we feel comfortable enough in making decisions. We have one life to live. Make it count.

Want to work with me one on one? Check out the Work With Me tab and see if the combination of Intuitive Reiki Healing and Joy Coaching resonates with you. Feel free to email me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com. I love to hear from people!

Please follow me on FB (/peacefuljellyfish) and IG (peaceful.jellyfish) for more written content and impromptu FB Live Videos. I also have a Peaceful Jellyfish YouTube Channel you can check out.

If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Much love!

The Pain Before the Transformation

I am living proof that great pain can lead to massive transformation.

I spent much of my life as a peacekeeper and people-pleaser. I put the peace of a space and others’ well-being above my own. I became a sort of chameleon, changing in small ways to try and reduce tension in my house growing up, and later as a way to keep other people comfortable. I had an innate sense that if everyone around me was OK, that I would then be OK too. But I wasn’t OK. With each concession I made to create less waves, I moved farther and farther away from my true self. I didn’t notice it at first and couldn’t have predicted the level of depression and dis-ease that changing myself for others would cause someday.

When I found myself in a loveless marriage where I was lonelier than I have ever felt in times where I have actually been alone, I ignored what my heart was telling me. I had been so adamant about creating a family for my son, to be a happy, intact family that I hadn’t experienced, that to follow my heart meant to leave that dream behind for all of us. So, I ignored that knowing sense that I felt. I buried myself in raising my son. But it could not last forever. Eventually, my heart grew weak and nearly stopped working and I found myself at rock bottom. In one fell swoop, my health was taken from me, and I nearly died of heart failure. An emergent heart surgery later and I slowly began to find my way back to myself.

The recovery felt fast at first, until it became apparent that my heart condition was going to be a recurring theme in my life. Doctors had trouble figuring it out, and so they did what they could to ward it off with a steroid bandaid in the form of prednisone pills.

There are lots of parts to this story, but the take away is much more important at this point, for me and for you.

1. Stop putting yourself second to the wishes of others. Humans are fickle beings, and won’t stay happy for long before you’re feeling the need to do more to feed their happiness. You don’t have the ability to make anyone else happy if they themselves haven’t found a way to cultivate happiness in their own life. We can add to another’s happiness, but we are not responsible for creating it.

2. Stop changing yourself to fit in with the people around you. In the end, you’ll feel like a shell of yourself, plus you’ll soon realize that they’re not your people anyway. Who wants to hang out with people who don’t love you for being 100% yourself? The chameleon game is an exhausting one. You’ll find yourself eventually losing yourself and wondering how it happened. It happens in small, incremental changes you make in yourself to make others comfortable. You likely won’t realize it’s happening until you’ve forgotten even the basics of what you like to do for fun, and who you are at your core.

3. Stop doing things that stress you out, like really stress you out. If you’re in a relationship that adds more stress to your life than happiness, don’t feel bad about putting yourself first and leaving. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone by staying. Life is much too short to spend it with people who don’t light you up. Same goes with anything else in life.

4. Stop doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. It’s not only the definition of insanity, but it won’t get you into a different life that you’ve been imagining for yourself. If you want something different than what you currently have, you’ve got to be willing to move out of your comfort zone and do new things.

5. Start putting yourself first. Do things that make you happy, that bring you joy. What have you been putting off that you really want to do? What steps can you take towards doing it now? Start saying no to things you don’t want to do.

We can use our experiences to guide us in life or we can use them to feel like victims. The choice is ours. If you’re stressed, or sick, or not living your best life, it’s time to look at the areas of your life that are no longer working for you. The days of being a people-pleaser, peacekeeper, and martyr are over. The time has come for us all to realize our limitless potential to create a life of our dreams. Life is much too short to continue to wait for someone else’s permission to fully live! Give yourself the permission you need to go after your dreams like this is the only shot you’ve got!

I am passionate about working with people and encouraging them to follow their joy and passion towards living a life in alignment with their soul’s purpose (ie. living their best lives). Guiding others in this way and offering the confirmation that they need to follow their dreams lights me up like nothing else! Please follow me on Facebook and/or Instagram for more written content and impromptu FB Live videos. If my words resonate with you, please feel free to reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com to tell me about it! I love connecting with people!! Maybe you have a topic you’d love me to write about?

Photo excerpt from “Life Visioning” by Michael Bernard Beckwith

Thank you for reading along! If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it with others. Much love!

Dance Like No One is Watching!

Edward Hernandez

I have always LOVED to dance! It’s one of my absolute favorite things to do ever! I started off dancing more in my life in the Fall of 2017 when I decided to stop waiting for people who would be open to going and seeing live music with me. So, I just decided to start going solo. That began with short trips to Santa Cruz when I saw that a funk band would be playing. One of my best days over there was in early 2018 when I combined my first time surfing with a night out dancing (you can read about it HERE). When I was in my 20’s, I was never afraid to be the first one on the dance floor if I liked the music. Then along the way, because of the people I began to hang out with, I was made aware of the fact that there are people who will sit on the sidelines and make fun of the people dancing. It surprised me. So I became more shy about dancing. I could literally hear what was being said about the people dancing, and if I did dance, I worried that people were talking badly about me. In college, I went to an amazing school where I didn’t feel like I had to be any certain way. All bands that came to campus, all music being played were opportunities for ecstatic dance for me, because I danced however I felt the urge and truly danced like no one was watching. In that case, people weren’t watching, because they were also dancing however they wanted and were too busy having fun to focus on me. It was FANTASTIC! I think that’s where I learned to dance and be free in my skin. I am so grateful for that experience even more now that I realize that not everyone has experienced a truly safe space to freely express themselves.

I have been so blessed in the last few months to get to go dancing a lot, solo, with friends, and on a few dates even! It has given me so much joy! I’ve decided that I am going to make even more dancing a priority in 2019! I had started ecstatic dance in my town last Fall, and it was so much fun! People enjoyed having a place to go to dance however they felt moved to, away from people constantly invading their space, and free from spectators with cameras and snide remarks. When that project dissolved for reasons not in my control, I sought other ways to add more dancing to my life. I visited a yoga studio holding ecstatic dance and I began to seek out more live music again. I’m not too proud to say that I also dance a lot around my house, alone. But there is definitely a unique energy that comes from a crowd of people dancing to a band, or even a DJ that doesn’t compare to doing it alone at home. I get so energized by crowds of people coming together for the sole purpose of having fun and dancing. I have been a part of full dance floors of people, and I have been to shows where no one was dancing. In 2018 to present, in the times when the dance floor has been empty, I have thought back to the person I used to be who didn’t care what people thought of her when she was the first one on the dance floor, and in those moments, I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone and DANCED! You know what always happens when I do that? Other people eventually join me and start dancing too! It has been an especially fun challenge to force myself to be the first one dancing since I decided to stop drinking alcohol entirely last summer. Having a few drinks to build up ‘liquid courage’ and getting on the dance floor first is one thing, but doing it after only chugging water is quite another. Try it! I find that I sweat so much while dancing that even if I drink water all night, I still wake up feeling dehydrated!

One thing I’ve realized is that until recently, I hadn’t dated someone who liked to dance as much as me. Granted, my relationships have generally looked like this: start dating, stay together for years, and then break up or get divorced. I haven’t really done the “dating lots of people to figure out what I like” thing. I find someone I like, and I go with it. But wow, what a game changer it was to go out with someone who also loves to dance like no one is watching!! We ended up dancing for most of 5 or 6 hours of our first date, and I can guarantee you that no one around us would have ever guessed that we had only just met! I had a ridiculous amount of fun that I want to have more of in my life! Similar to the energy of dancing as part of a crowd, there’s an amazing energy created when two people dance their faces off and act goofy and carefree together for that many hours! I am so grateful for that connection and that time!

Last night, I went out solo to see my friend, Edward Hernandez, play ukulele with a friend of his. You can check him out HERE. The dance floor was completely clear without so much as a person standing on it for the entire show. I stood on the sidelines bobbing my head and tapping my hands and feet for most of it. A lot of the songs were on the slower side. Then, he got to his last song, and said that it was a dance song and invited people to come dance. No one moved a muscle. I thought about it, then I figured why the hell not?! So I pushed past my comfort zone (yes, even now after all of these times, I STILL have that nervousness that I have to ignore), and made my way to the dance floor. You know what happened? I had a lot of fun, and eventually some other people joined me. A DJ played after my friend, and I stayed to dance. I find that every time I get on the dance floor and do my thing in all of my joyful glory, other people want to join in. So even if you intend to dance alone, know that it won’t be long before someone or a whole group of people tries to join you.

If you find yourself staying inside your comfort zone, but not experiencing as much joy as you want to be, then I encourage you to ditch the comfort zone that is holding you prisoner in the camp of ‘I am worried about what other people will think of me’! When are you going to start living life on your terms?! When are you going to understand that this life is a fleeting gift meant to be LIVED?! How can I get you to believe that your purpose is the thing that brings you the most joy in life? Your purpose is not elusive, it’s your ability to prioritize your joy that prevents you from finding your purpose. Do the things that light you up more often, because they will connect you with your soul, and then you will be guided to new people, situations, and opportunities that will enrich your life in ways you’ve never dreamed. What will you be leaving your comfort zone for in 2019? What experiences are you hoping to attract into your life this year that are worth taking some leaps?

If you’d like some extra encouragement and support as you work to find or add more joy to your life, reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmailcom for more information about a combination of Intuitive Reiki Healing and Joy Coaching! I am very passionate about helping others find more joy, peace, and happiness in their lives! It’s a big part of my soul’s purpose.

Please follow me on FB (/peacefuljellyfish) and IG (peaceful.jellyfish) for more insightful content and impromptu FB Live videos. I also have a YouTube Channel for you to check out!

Thank you for reading along! If you liked this post, please like and share it. Much love!

Listen to my friend, Edward Hernandez, covering “Dream On” by Aerosmith HERE