Question EVERYTHING!

I didn’t grow up within religion. The most religion I experienced as a kid was going to vacation bible school for a week in the summer with my best friend, Jimmy. I didn’t know how the other kids knew the answers to the questions being asked during out trivia games, because I had never learned such things. As I grew up, science became my religion. Starting in high school, I took a lot of biology classes, chemistry, conservation, math, and anatomy and physiology. I had dreams of becoming a heart surgeon at one point, and then a pediatrician or a nurse who works with babies. If you know me in real life, then you know how fitting these all became for me. From high school, I went to college and began taking more science classes. Botany, more chemistry, marine biology, physics, more math, zoology etc. Because I dove right into science which became my major, I graduated in 4 years despite having gone to 3 different colleges/universities.

Fast forward to the now moment. I am seeing how programmed we all are to become so left brain dominant. We are taught to seek ‘facts’ created through the scientific method, and found via our EXTREMELY limited 5 senses. My training in Holographic Kinetics in May opened my eyes to our true multidimensionality and the fact that nothing in this world is as it seems, especially the world we view with our senses.

And so I seek to further expand my mind. I have already given thanks in the past for the fact that religion is one thing that I didn’t have to deprogram from my mind. I’ve had enough work to do as it is as I’ve become an observer of my thoughts. This book I’m currently reading hits on this subject so beautifully for me. As a trained scientist, I shunned religion, but in a sense adopted science as my religion and believed what it told me. As I’ve worked to awaken my right brain to get in touch with my imagination, creativity, and intuition, I’ve had to let go of my tight grip on science. After my sessions in Holographic Kinetics, I realized that the ‘new age’ movement I had been subscribing to was also a form of religion convincing me that I need the help of spirit guides and crystals to manifest the things I was seeking. Nope.

The truth of the matter is that you and me, we’re both made from the same energy and are essentially Source/God in a human meat suit. We are infinite consciousness. As I’ve aligned with my own spirit and made that my priority, I’ve been able to manifest all sorts of things, big and small. We are such powerful creators, but we don’t realize it and so we’re walking around as gods praying to gods to help us. We’ve lost sight of our innate ability to help ourselves.

I’m not here to argue with peoples’ beliefs, I’m here to make people aware of their own power. I’ve always questioned things since I was a young child, never happy with an answer like “it’s just the way it is”, but even with that, I succumbed to the same programming that we’re all fed throughout our lives. Question EVERYTHING. Know that you have the ability to dream up and therefore create ANYTHING. Look to your own spirit’s guidance. Set your priority to raise your vibration and maintain it. How? Follow your joy. Follow your intuition. Set out to be the most authentic and vulnerable version of yourself. I raise my vibration and align with my spirit by spending time in nature (usually near and/or in water) doing fun things sometimes alone, sometimes with others, dancing, singing, drumming, meeting new people and connecting with them at a deep level, writing, empowering people through my mindfulness coaching, classes and Holographic Kinetics sessions. What lights you up? I suggest you do more of that and less giving your power away to anything outside of yourself.

Don’t accept every answer you’re given. Don’t believe everything that you hear or are taught in school. We already know that the history taught in schools is skewed, so we must consider that other information taught to us in school is also skewed. I’m talking elementary right on up the line through college/university. Case in point: I wasn’t taught about Lyme disease in nursing school. The closest we even touched the subject was because our instructor’s daughter had nearly died from it. And I know that doctors aren’t taught much about it either because I had quite the defensive responses from the group in on my care when a nurse practitioner diagnosed me with Lyme disease. Most told me that there isn’t Lyme here (uh, I know several who have gotten it while living here), and one doctor that I had previously really respected dismissed the diagnosis as well. Yet I tested positive and was under the care of Lyme specialists for years. Seems like an issue if the CDC is right in saying that Lyme is likely causing more like 300,000 new cases in the US every year vs the mere 30,000 that is being reported. Why? Doctors aren’t being trained on how to recognize Lyme clinically and are instead relying on blood tests that have already been proven to be ineffectual in most cases.

Start looking for the agenda behind things we deem as ‘routine’ and ‘normal’. Consider the fact that there is so much to this world that you haven’t learned about yet. Open your mind to your innate power. Open your mind to things currently outside of your belief system. I know that can be difficult, I’ve been there myself. I now loosely hold thoughts and beliefs as I realize that I could learn something new tomorrow that will make what I know today a thing of the past. My training in Holographic Kinetics changed everything for me. It’s not that I’ve just taken the Laws of LORE at face value, but I’ve experienced and witnessed things for myself first-hand that have proven them to be true. The world looks very different through the lens of an open mind.

Above picture is from page 24 of the book “Remember Who You Are” by David Icke.

Thanks for reading along. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG! Sending you all so much love!

My Memory of Health

My memory of health returned to me in the summer of 2015. It was a slow build that began when I listened to my heart and ended my marriage. It wasn’t about my marriage though, it’s just that at that time, it marked a huge turning point for me, because instead of ignoring my intuition, I began following it about everything in my life.

My work with an amazing Homeopath that began in January of 2015, put me on a collision course with my well-being, body, mind, and spirit. I had initially not believed that my Homeopath could in fact get me off of many of my medications as she claimed she could, several of which were antibiotics that I had been taking for Lyme Disease and co-infections since July 2012. I believed (and my doctors had told me) with everything in me that I needed the antibiotics to rid me of the Lyme bacteria that had invaded my heart and brain. After all, every time I had stopped taking the antibiotics, I would have recurrences of chest pain reminiscent of my initial bout of pericarditis in the Fall of 2009. By the end of July 2015, after over 3 years on oral antibiotics, the yeast was gaining strong footing in my body, and I had to temporarily stop the antibiotics so I could start a stronger anti-fungal medication that was incompatible with the other medications. I knew that I didn’t have a choice, but I was very nervous about stopping the antibiotics. I had become so conditioned to need medication to prevent chest pain.

I had begun meditating in July of 2015 as a coping mechanism during a difficult time in my life. I used it to deal with overwhelming sadness and anxiety. Every time my mind began to spiral into stressful thoughts, I’d set a timer on my phone for varying lengths of time depending on what I had going on, 2 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 15 minutes, and meditate. I’d clear my mind and focus on my breathing. What I noticed after doing this for a week or two was that I began to see the bigger picture of my life situation. I began to be very aware that my soul was working on bigger things than I could be aware of at that time. I gained an amazing sense of peace that all was right in the world and in my life, and that even as the stressful situation continued, it did not shake me out of that bigger sense of knowing. I was blanketed in a peace unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I sometimes forget about that week of peace. Essentially, it gave me the knowing that that level of peace was all I needed to be seeking in life. I became committed to not stopping until I attained it again. I began to live with a conviction to not put up with situations or people in my life that disrupted my inner peace.

As I was off the antibiotics for days, then a week, then 2 weeks, I kept thinking that I would restart them, but I kept NOT starting them. At that point, I was over taking handfuls of pills every day, multiple times a day. There were pills I had to take when I woke up, before breakfast. There were pills, I needed to take with breakfast. There were probiotics I had to take 2 hours after the pills with breakfast. There were pills I then had to take again at lunch, and yet again with dinner. There were pills I had to take before bed. From the beginning, I was taking medications to ward off the side effects of other medications. My medication regimen felt like a full-time job in and of itself. The yeast issues were the last straw. I was done. My body confirmed this and began making me gag every time I took a pill.

More importantly, my symptoms weren’t returning!! I didn’t have any chest pain! I was shocked, and happily surprised! So I then began to pose some questions to myself. What exactly made me “sick”? Was I sick because I had been diagnosed with Lyme Disease and a host of other tick-born infections, or was it based on how I felt? In that moment, I decided that from then on, it was going to be based on how I felt, and I felt great!

I continued my daily homeopathy remedy, but I stopped every other medication and supplement I had been taking. I realize that it was extreme to stop the supplements and my antidepressant, but after starting the pill routine almost 6 years earlier in the winter of 2009 following my emergent heart surgery (pericardial window), I began to gag at the mere thought of taking pills. My body was rejecting that lifestyle, and I finally started to listen to my body.

I started thinking of myself as healthy, and cured. It was a way of thinking that went against what my doctor and specialist were telling me, because they say that Lyme Disease can never be cured. But here I was feeling fine, after years of a dis-ease that had been severely constricting my ability to live my life with freedom to do the things I so loved to do like hike, working full-time 12+ hours as a Registered Nurse, and taking care of my son on my days off. It felt like a miracle. I had never thought that I’d ever be free from my symptoms, let alone my medications. As I changed my thoughts about my dis-ease, the shift in my health was AMAZING!!

By the summer of 2016, I was testing my body and getting back into hiking! I remember my first long, solo hike to Corbett Lake like it was yesterday. It was a 6.3 mile hike that began at 7,400 feet elevation and went mostly uphill to 9,070 feet. I’ve read online that the hike involves a total of 19 switchbacks up on the way in, and down on the way out. I was feeling great and had done smaller hikes leading up to this one, but when I hit that trail, I didn’t really know for sure that I’d be able to do it. It was such a gorgeous hike! Hiking solo meant that I could stop to catch my breath on the switchbacks without feeling bad about it. I stopped to eat when I felt hungry. I hiked my own way, in my own time and it felt so empowering! At one point, I got to a vista that overlooked the a lake below and the surrounding mountains. I stood there beaming, laughing, and then crying with joy at what my body was able to do, and at the beauty of nature all around me. I was back! My health was back! I was completely overwhelmed by the bliss of it all. I stood there with such gratitude for the experience, the strength of my body, and of my resilience. I wondered if others ever cry when they are out hiking and are met with such a beautiful view.

I continued my way up to the lake. I was amazed to have such a amazing spot all to myself. I think I hung out there for 3 or 4 hours that day. I had a dance party on a downed tree and later again on a giant boulder. I swam and snorkeled across the lake. I read a book. I meditated. I took a lakeside nap. I laid in the sun and in the shade. I listened to the wind blow across the water as it caused the clear, alpine lake water to lap at the shore. I marveled at the beauty that was that moment, in its entirety: the lake, my body, my returned/renewed/realized state of wellness.

The last paragraph of Deepak Chopra’s book, “Quantum Healing” could be written about me. “I have no fear for her now, even if she had to begin her battle again. Eleanor is beyond battles — she radiates the peacefulness that she writes about, and spending time with her makes me feel happy and secure, all the more because I understand how rare her peace is. From the despair of disease, she has discovered joy. At the moment when the memory of health returned, it brought her enough peace to last a lifetime.”

From the despair of dis-ease, I discovered my joy, and as my memory of health returned it gave me a power that has been with me ever since and will last my entire lifetime. Before I knew anything about Quantum healing and Ayurveda, I was utilizing some of the techniques without realizing it. I continue to use the power of my mind to change my life, and to help the clients I work with to use the same techniques to heal themselves and change their own lives. It is my passion, my joy, and my soul’s purpose to use my past experiences to empower and inspire others on their own journeys. The time has come for us all to realize the power of our own minds, and the potential that we all hold to live our best, most healthy lives!

If you are currently in a place where you find yourself challenged by dis-ease, then I highly encourage you to sign up for my email newsletter and gain access to a video I made that outlines 5 simple, yet POWERFUL techniques I’ve used on my own healing journey HERE.

Please follow me on FB and IG for more inspirational content and impromptu FB Live videos in which I share the perspective that I’ve gained on my own journey. I also have a Peaceful Jellyfish YouTube channel that can be found HERE.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it! As always, if my words resonate with you and you feel so inclined, reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com. I would love to connect with you! Sending you so much love!

Here’s a link to one of my favorite songs to dance to these days, Matisyahu “Thunder” HERE. Enjoy!

Navigating Through New Lands: Part 3 of my Health Journey

Photo: A glimpse of my planner for September 2012

It has been a while since I shared parts of my healing journey, so if you need a recap, you can read Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE.  I had a pretty nasty herx during that visit to Colorado, and wasn’t expecting that severity of chest pain again, along with vomiting and diarrhea.  So I got scared, and went to the local clinic and asked for a prednisone prescription, because it was the only thing that I knew would take the chest pain away. The chest pain was severe, and medications would not touch it.  At the time, I didn’t really put two and two together that I was having a reaction because of the injection of antibiotics I had gotten from the doctor in LA. I hadn’t really thought about the fact that antibiotics would cause my symptoms to worsen before they got better. So I wasn’t prepared to handle the 10/10 chest pain that I was experiencing. I was far from home which meant I was far away from my primary doctor or my cardiologist who could prescribe pain medication for me.

So, I did what I could to get through that time.  I took the supplements that the specialist had given me, and followed the guidelines of things I could do to lessen the herx reaction.  I was forced to lay low, and missed a lot of the fun activities with family during that trip.

I had been instructed by the specialist to have my prescriptions for antibiotics filled when I got home from Colorado and to start taking them at that point.  I started treatment on July 12, 2012, and my world was again turned upside down.  The chest pain, high fevers (up to 103 I believe), and general malaise were unbearable at times, and I really felt like I would die.  I was doing so terribly that my husband at the time arranged it so that he could work from home, afraid that something might happen to me while he was gone.  Aside from the initial instance of illness where I passed out repeatedly from near heart failure, this time in July and August 2012 was the scariest time of my life to date.  I did little more than lie on the couch in pain, sleep, and get up to use the bathroom.  Walking to the mailbox that was about 30 feet (10 meters) from our house was unbearable, because of the severity of my chest pain.  All physical activity aggravated my pain.  I was essentially on body-enforced bed rest with a 3 year old who needed me and didn’t understand why I wasn’t the one mostly taking care of him anymore.  That was really difficult for me.

I ended up getting hooked on the show “The Walking Dead”.  I learned pretty quickly that laughing at comedies, and crying during dramas made me hurt worse.  At that time, zombies created very little emotional response from me, because I viewed it as completely fake and unrealistic.  The summer of 2012 was a bit of a blur.  My severe herx lasted for about a month.  Pain medications prescribed to me by my cardiologist began working, though I was having very strange arrhythmias that I could feel.  For my friends in healthcare, on July 20th, I found out that my CRP was 491 (normal is 0-3) and my sedrate was 103 (normal is about 0-29)!  I ended up having a 24 hour heart monitor placed at one point, but then it the weird heart beats stopped and nothing was revealed.  I remember going to my primary care NP during this time, and speaking to her about how awful I was feeling and how scared I was.  She encouraged me to keep track of the kinds of days I was having by drawing a smiley face, neutral face, or sad face on each calendar day of my planner.  I encourage you to try this method for yourself if you’re experiencing a lot of ups and downs with your health right now as you move towards healing.  It can be a good way to realize that you DO have good days.

I was nervous about heading into my last semester of nursing school with the way my summer had stacked up.  I honestly didn’t know if I would be able to complete the program.  I emailed my teachers to let them know that I wasn’t sure that I’d be finishing with the rest of my class.  I knew that if the chest pain and fevers persisted that there was no way that I could focus on school and physically be able to walk to all of my classes.  But luckily, as the days went on and I continued to take all of my medications and supplements to help with my herx reaction, I started having more smiley face days, than frowns.  On August 4th, I actually got to leave the house and went to a local baseball game with my family.  It felt so good to be outside again.  Aside from doctor’s appointments, I had not left my house in nearly a month!  By August 15th, I was back in my first lecture of my last semester of nursing school.  My planner from that semester is loaded with classes, assignments, clinical shifts, doctor appointments, and events and sports related to my son.  Remembering back to how i felt during that time, and seeing the fluctuation in smiley faces and frowns (that persisted into October), I am amazed that I pulled it all off!!  I completed the semester with my class and went to my Pinning Ceremony on 12/13/12.

By the end of that year, I was feeling a lot better.  In fact, I only kept track of my good and bad days into the beginning of November.  I was feeling more back to myself, and because I had been off of the prednisone since July, I was losing the extra weight gradually.  I don’t think I was prepared for my emotions that released following my Pinning.  The whole thing had been emotional, listening to students and our professors speak, one of which was undergoing treatment for brain cancer that eventually took her life.  She had been the one who fostered my love of working with the babies.  After the ceremony, some of us went outside.  It was just us students.  And I started bawling my eyes out.  I was excited, sure, after all I had worked so hard for this day and had overcome so many obstacles to get there.  But more than that, it was like this thing that I had been focusing on for so long was no longer my focus.  I realized in that moment how much school had been keeping me going.  It redirected my focus and allowed me to focus on something bigger than myself, bigger than all of my problems at the time.  It felt like all of my accumulated stress and sadness of the last 3 years began flowing out of me through my tears.

This portion of my story culminated with me taking and passing the NCLEX exam in January, flying home with my son to see our family, and then landing my first full-time Registered Nurse position in the local hopsital on the oncology unit that I started in March of 2013.  As this was happening, my marriage was coming to a close.  By May of 2013, I was living on my own, working full-time as a Registered Nurse, and taking care of my son on my days off.  I continued traveling to LA (and then to one in San Francisco) regularly to see my Lyme Disease specialist and was having my labs closely monitored.  I continued taking oral antibiotics daily, as well as other medications, and many handfuls of supplements.  I was tired after my 12 hour shifts in the hospital, but my heart felt full, because I was using my experiences to help other people.  I used what I had been through to draw in even more empathy and compassion for all of the patients who crossed my path.

I began to feel a lot better, because I was no longer hiding my truth behind the busyness of nursing school and I was following my intuition to a new life for me and my son.  It took moving through a lot of fear.  I had to let go of a lot of ideals I was holding in my mind’s eye.  I had, after all, really wanted to create an intact and happy family for my son that I did not feel I had as a child.  I had to let go of something I had comitted to, because I had to start fully putting my happiness and health first.  For so many years of my life, I had always put myself last, not feeling worthy of love, not loving myself.  My illness forced me to put myself first for a change, and it was a very uncomfortable process.  But I can tell you that from where I am now, it was a very necessary process.

You see, I have now worked intimately with thousands of people as a Registered Nurse, and I also have people reach out to me now with serious, mystery health issues of their own.  We all seem to have a common thread, an underlying lack of self-love.  It can take years to recognize it.  Maybe you’re reading this and can relate, or maybe it will open your eyes to it for the first time ever.  Think about it:  do you take good care of yourself in all ways? Do you love and accept yourself (and show it) fully? Are you always putting other people’s needs or the seemingly endless needs of the world before your own?  Do you supress your emotions to make other people feel more comfortable?  Are you a people pleaser and/or a peace keeper?  We’ve all got to dig down deep to get to the cause of our dis-ease, or lack of enthusiasm about our lives.  I have found self-love to be paramount to my healing in all ways body, mind, and spirit.

If you’re struggling with chronic illness, I encourage you to really look at your relationship with yourself first and foremost.  Loving myself and taking good care of myself has been my biggest, foundation-building lesson from my dis-ease.  Even at Part 3, my healing journey did not stop here…to be continued.

Work With Me

If you’re on a healing journey of your own, and are feeling overwhelmed reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com.  I would love to work with you to create some healing and transformational magic in your life!

Thank you for reading!  If you liked this post, please like and share it.  Much love!

Are You Grieving for Your Lost Health?

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When I was feeling my worst, I was doing all I could just to keep my head above water.  I went into crisis mode.  On top of feeling terrible and being exhausted all of the time, I really had no idea what was causing my flares of pericarditis.  So I was living in fear.  I was afraid that I would walk too much and have chest pain again.  I was afraid that too much stress from school and home life would cause me to flare.  I never knew when or where I would be when I’d flare and it made me feel paranoid.  I always had to be prepared, so I routinely kept my prescription of prednisone in my bag in case I needed a higher dose.

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other night who is currently living this reality.  He doesn’t have pericarditis, but his illness is no less mysterious or maddening.  In talking with him, I was reminded of a counselor I saw during nursing school.  She was in training to become a licensed counselor, and she had an office on campus at the community college I was attending.  I remember time and again going in and talking with her and just voicing my frustrations with the way that my whole world had been suddenly turned upside down.  I spoke of my fears and the unpredictability of my illness.  I spoke of not recognizing my own body, because I had gained so much weight from being on steroids.  I spoke of my dismay that after a year of struggling with recurrent bouts of pericarditis and even a second hospitalization, that none of my doctors could offer me any answers.  All they could tell me to do was to take prednsione to suppress my immune system and prevent the inflammation around my heart.  One day, as I was really struggling, I went to talk to my counselor.  She pointed out the fact that I was grieving my lost health.  It was a light bulb moment for me, because I had never thought about it like that before.  She was right.  I WAS grieving for my lost health.  My mind was having a hard time accepting my new body and the restrictions that came with it.  It was difficult to wrap my brain around the fact that I had been healthy, had exercised regularly as part of my work, and had eaten healthy as a long-time vegetarian.

When I realized that I was grieving, and my counselor went over the stages of grief with me, oddly enough, I felt a great sense of peace come over me.  It made me feel normal about how I was feeling.  I could see that the ups and downs of anger and sadness and back around again were part of my grieving process.  Knowing this allowed me to release expectations I had for my emotions through this time.  I began to accept my emotions, and I was more open to allowing them to flow.

So I ask you, the one dealing chronic illness, are you grieving for your lost health?  Are you grieving for the life you feel that you have lost?  If so, know that it is normal and OK, and that it is better to feel your emotions and release them as they come up than it is to keep them locked tight inside your chest.  We sometimes think that we’re doing ourselves a service by locking our emotions up so that they can’t spring out and consume our hearts, but the reality is that if we allow ourselves to feel our feelings as they come up, in whatever form they appear, we will be able to heal much more quickly.  Emotions that aren’t expressed get trapped in our bodies and lead to more pain and dis-ease.

It was the most challenging time of my life.  I felt so alone and helpless.  I looked for silver linings as best I could and I pushed through my exhaustion so that I could be present for my son.  I wondered if I would ever regain my health. I wondered if I would ever feel comfortable in my own body again. I wondered if I would always have to be fearful that things I did might cause a flare.

I write this on the other side.  I have gained perspective on life and on my health challenges that I would not have gotten had I never gotten sick.  I have experienced a total transformation of self that was brought on by my years of illness.  I was asked to take a more balanced approach in caring for my body, mind, and soul.  I was asked to tear down the beliefs I held about myself and my life that made me feel bad.  I was asked to reexamine the way I was treating myself and how I was showing up for myself.  My illness caused me to turn over every rock so that I could find all of buried thoughts and beliefs that were holding me back in life.  I was shown what was important in life.  I was taught to not sweat the small stuff and to appreciate everything and everyone I have in my life while I have them.  I was taught the delicate nature of life.  I was taught that there are no guarantees in life and so we should make the most of every day.  What is it that you might learn from your own challenges?  It helps me to look for lessons in challenges now, because I see how perfectly my illness was placed in my path to expand me to heights I didn’t know were possible.  It has made me trust the process now when things aren’t going the way my mind wants them to go.  Even when I can’t see the full picture as to why something is happening, I live with a great sense of trust that the Universe always has my back.  The Universe (or god, source, higher power etc) always has your back too.

Above all, I was taught that self-love is the key to life.  The love we hold for ourselves trickles outwards from us, so that we can love each other in a more balanced, non-judgmental and unconditional way.  How much do you love yourself?  Do you find ways to show yourself love every day?  Self-love involves loving all parts of ourselves.  That can be the tricky part.  It’s easy to love myself when I am happy and laughing.  I have a more difficult time loving myself when I lose my temper or raise my voice in anger.  I am learning and growing just as we all are.  We’re all works in progress, and that process never stops.  We just keep expanding.  We keep learning how to respond to life vs react.  We keep learning to keep an open mind and open heart with how we approach ourselves and others.

If you’re reading this, you survived another day.  Just keep being gentle with yourself in whatever life circumstance you’re in currently.  Your illness may be requiring that you slow down for now, get the extra sleep, limit the stressors in your life, give yourself some extra love, and put yourself first for a change.  Can you see the ways that your body is crying out for more love?  Notice the shift when you view your own illness this way.  When we take care of others when they are sick, we don’t get mad at them and their bodies for needing more care, right?  We don’t curse at our friends and family and make them feel guilty for being sick.  So then, why do we treat ourselves that way?

I went from a time when I was really ill and wondering “why me?” to now when I realize that facing a complicated illness like Lyme Disease and not just surviving it, but thriving beyond it is one of my superpowers in this life.  This is why we humans must be careful with the labels that we place on things, because sometimes it is difficult to know “good” from “bad” when we’re in the thick of it.  I’ve said it before, but I went from calling my illness “the worst thing that ever happened to me” to “one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”

Know that it might take more love and care than you have ever allowed for yourself before, but that we can all rise up above our challenges and see brighter days ahead!

Part of my soul’s purpose is to help others navigate through their own illnesses and challenges in life using  the perspective I’ve gained.  If you’d like some personalized support and guidance, reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com!  My favorite thing is combining the healing power of Intuitive Reiki with Joy Coaching to help others move through their chronic illness with more support than I had during my own healing journey.

Thanks so much for reading!  If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it! Much love!

Watch the video for Michael Franti’s song “Once a Day” HERE  This is what Michael Franti posts about this song:

“‘Once A Day’ is about unexpected moments in life. Some days we have unexpectedly beautiful moments and others that are unexpectedly challenging. Last year I had a really challenging moment when my son was diagnosed with a kidney disease called FSGS (Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis). We thought it would break our family apart, but moving through the initial tears, made us realize life is precious and that we need to hug, kiss and be close to each other every day and through that we could ‘rise up’ and face his illness together. I hope that Once A Day brings inspiration to anyone in this world who is going through challenging times. Through music, dance and gratitude for this life we can all ‘Rise Up’!” –Michael Franti

What is Your Illness Doing for You?

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So, I have been hanging out at home all week, sick.  Today I jokingly referred to it as black lung disease, and my son called it the black plague.  I got him laughing when I sang with my raspy voice to an Imagine Dragon’s tune before school, “don’t get too close, its red inside, it’s where the black plague lies, it’s where the black plague lies…”  We thought I was pretty funny.  I don’t know what it is exactly, but I feel like crap.  My throat hurts.  I wake up with loads of congestion in my chest that I end up hacking up all day long.  I sound a bit like Darth Vader.  I wake up and use cough drops in the middle of the night, because my throat hurts so bad.

During the weekend, the black plague was just a feeling of overall malaise and the subtle warning of impending illness.  I upped my essential oils, I upped my homeopathic remedy, I started taking about 4-5,000 mg of vitamin C per day, and I was drinking green smoothies by the quart.  But in the end, after making it through the weekend, the plague hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was thinking today and had a HUGE Aha!  moment!  For as long as I can remember now, I have associated illness with a sort of free pass to focus on taking care of myself.  I see it also as a reminder from my body that I need to slow down and listen to it and take care of it in the ways that it is telling me to.  This past weekend, I was so excited!  I was lucky to attend Jake Ducey’s (check him out on YouTube and Facebook) workshop titled, “Genius Within.”  When I had seen that Jake was going to have a workshop in San Diego, it sounded perfect. It was one of those times where every line that I read to explain what the workshop was about spoke to me.  I was especially excited to shed light on more of my self-limiting patterns and beliefs, because I am really feeling the need to just let go of all of my old shit, once and for all.  The price was right, the location was close enough to drive there in a day, I really like Jake’s message and positivity, and above all of that, my intuition was very strongly urging me to go.  And then, as the weekend got closer, Matisyahu released his Fall tour dates, and one of them landed in San Diego on the Friday that I would be in San Diego!  So, I was going into the weekend thrilled, but I also had some major Mom-guilt creep in.  For starters, I had only seen Matisyahu with my son, and I knew that he really liked that fact.  Also, because the workshop was all day on Sunday, there was no way that I was going to be able to make it back in time to get my son at the normal time on Sunday night, so I had to make arrangements with his Dad to keep him that night.  I think that Moms reading this will maybe get where I was coming from the most, because I think that in general, it is the Moms who are usually more comfortable putting everyone else before themselves.  I am no different.  So I began to have some major Mom-guilt, to the point that I didn’t even tell my son about seeing Matisyahu until after the fact.  It was a 21 and over show, so he wouldn’t have even been able to go if he was with me for the weekend. Yet, I still felt bad about it.

I knew before last weekend, before today, that I am my own worst critic.  I have always been so hard on myself.  And while I have done a lot of the work to move past that way of being, it obviously still sneaks up on me sometimes.  I ended up having a fantastic weekend!  I got to explore a new beach my first day in town, which was really beautiful.  I find that the ocean is so grounding for me.  I stayed with an old friend/coworker who I hadn’t seen in 13 YEARS! Yikes!  It was so great to spend time with her and reconnect.  Her 5 year-old and 2 year-old daughters treated me like their long-lost Aunt who they adored, which was a lot of fun!  I went out on my own in downtown San Diego (which is GINORMOUS by the way!) to dance for hours to Orphan, Zion I, and Matisyahu!  And I basked in Jake’s positivity for two whole days and connected with some wonderful people who also attended.  I also unraveled some more of my long-held beliefs, and was given some new ways to look at things, as well as new ways to create the life that I want for myself.  I was baby-ing myself the whole time with a cold that was brewing just under the surface.  Today, I realized that in always being so hard on myself when putting myself first, especially since the birth of my son, I generally only give myself a completely guilt-free pass to take it easy in all ways when I am sick.  That was my Aha! moment today.  My thoughts brought on this illness.  My body was wanting me to slow down and take care of me, and my thoughts put it into the Universe that the only way I would do that would be if I was sick.  And boom!  I have been sick all week.  I went to the grocery store for a short trip early in the week and got enough stuff to get us by for the week, but otherwise, I have done nothing but rest and take care of myself while my son has been in school.  I’ve napped.  I’ve taken extra vitamins.  And I’m still chugging the smoothies, because my body is seriously craving greens SO much right now!

I watched “The Secret” last night, which really further reinforced the things about the Law of Attraction that Jake shared with us at the workshop.  The fact that our thoughts create our reality.  So consider what my thoughts just did in my life.  I was feeling guilty for self-care, but that went away once I was sick.  When I am sick, I give myself permission to put myself first, and I don’t feel guilty about it.  But why do I feel that I must be suffering with a black plague before I can feel OK with putting myself first?  Can you relate?  I can look back on my past and see a similar pattern.  In college is when I first started to think of illness this way.  I would see it as my body’s way of telling me to slow down and be extra caring towards myself.  I would notice that about once a month, I would feel a bit under the weather, and would shift into self-care mode during that time.  Later, when I lost my health, it kind of gave me a pass to allow some of the cards that I was constantly keeping in the air to drop.  I felt completely responsible for the care of my son, the care of the two dogs, and the overall upkeep of the household.  I did the majority of the household chores, and I did the majority of the grocery shopping.  I was exhausted and stressed.  At the time, I was in nursing school, and not working outside of the home, so I felt immense pressure to basically do everything else.  I’ve always been independent and I preferred to feel like I was pulling my own weight.  I kept it up until my illness struck.  And then, over time, I stopped being so stressed about the things I was not able to get done around the house.  And as I have written before, I was forced to take care of myself because of my illness.  I had been so used to just going and going all of the time that I rarely focused on what I needed.  That stretches back for as far as I can see.  I think a lot of us get wrapped up in the go-go-go mentality of this fast-paced society that we’re living in that we rarely stop to just BE.  But for me, those moments where I just stop and soak in my life in the moment are the ones that I treasure the most.

So, the Universe in all of its preciseness of divine timing, told me that 30 was going to be the year where I would finally start to focus on myself and my own well-being for a change.  It gave me a very clear picture, that I lived through, of what life was like without good health.  I was shown that without my health, I essentially had nothing, because I couldn’t even function without it to enjoy my son, to take care of him at times, to walk, to do the chores that needed to be done, or to do things that brought me joy.  When you lose your health, you realize very quickly that everything else in life is secondary.  You can have every other thing going for you, but if you don’t have your health, it’s very difficult to appreciate the other things in your life.  Since January 2016, I have found that having a daily gratitude practice has led to a lot more joy in my life and a lot more things to be grateful for.  I would say that writing out the things that I am grateful for every night before I go to bed has been one of the simplest yet profoundly life-changing things that I have done for myself.  Try it.  I promise that only good will come from it.  And it is especially important to take note of the good things in your life when you’re struggling with illness or some other challenge.

I love when beliefs that have been held in my subconscious mind become conscious!  Once it becomes a conscious thought, I am able to examine it, look at how it’s been affecting my life, and release it if it no longer serves me.  In this case, the belief that I have to be sick in order to feel OK about fully taking care of myself is definitely NOT serving me well.  Can you see that?  It would be much more pleasant to stay healthy and take care of myself, than to spend a week knocked on my ass to force me to do it.

In the movie, “The Secret,” they talk about the fact that illness has no place in a body that is at ease.  I know that I have mentioned in other posts on this blog that I feel like my illness (or dis-ease) stemmed from my utter disregard for myself.  I stopped holding myself as a priority in my own life, I stopped listening to my intuition regarding situations in my life that were no longer serving me.  My body became a breeding ground for dis-ease.  I sometimes have friends who will tell me about friends or family members of theirs who are struggling with ongoing, chronic health problems, and they will ask if they can pass my contact info to the person.  I have always been happy to use my experience to help other people.  I know that the pain has had a purpose in my own life, but I enjoy using my pain to serve as a purpose in others’ lives as well.  It makes my struggles doubly worth it.  So at this point, when I talk to these people who are often also struggling with Lyme Disease, I ask them to really look at their life to see what is going on.  I ask them to look to see if there is something in their life that is causing them stress.  I would ask them to look for the lessons in their illness.  Have they been neglecting themselves?  Are there situations in their life that are toxic for them?  Have they been ignoring their intuition about things in their life?

Now, I would add for those reading this post, is there a way that your illness is serving you?  Is there a comfort in being ill?  Do people take care of you when you are ill?  Do you have less responsibilities when you are ill?  Do you receive more love from people when you are ill?  An even better question would be, do you receive more love from yourself when you are ill?  And I don’t ask these questions to make you feel bad or worse than you already do, but instead I ask you them to break your attention away from the illness you have and direct it to the thoughts that you hold about your illness.  I would say that I definitely give myself more love, more freely, when I am sick.  This week has been a perfect example.  But why can’t I do that for myself all of the time?  Why can’t I always feed myself well and give myself important vitamins?  And make sure that I get enough sleep?  The answer is that I CAN.  Now that I see what I have been doing, I can choose to change it.  And believe me, I don’t need another illness to come along like this one before I make that change!  Just as I have written before, sometimes, we have to get to a point where we’ve suffered enough before we are willing to make the changes that we need to make for a better life for ourselves.

I have a lot more to my health journey than I have written on this blog so far.  I will write about it as I feel guided to do so.  But at one point towards the end of my time on antibiotics, a woman was placed on my path who served as a sort of counselor for me.  I remember that during our first phone call, she asked me about my life.  After I had told her about my life which invariably included a lot of information about my health struggles, she said to me, “boy, you’re really holding onto your illness aren’t you?”  I remember being kind of stunned, and a little bit pissed off at her response to what I had just told her.  I said something like “well, yeah, I take handfuls of medications and supplements several times a day and pay out-of-pocket for a specialist that I have to go see at least every 12 weeks.  My illness is part of my life.”  Well, in that moment, I didn’t really “get” what she was saying to me.  It took me some time to understand.  But eventually, I did come to understand.  You see, when I got ill, I began to identify myself as sick.  The people around me began to identify me as sick too.  Once I had the diagnosis of Lyme Disease among others, the Lyme became part of my identity.  I identified myself as someone with Lyme Disease.  But you see, I am no more Lyme Disease than you are cancer, or MS, or Lupus, or depression.  I am NOT my illness, just as you are NOT yours.  I was able to flip that switch in my mind after several weeks of being off of my antibiotics, so that I could do a few rounds of medications for the yeast that was becoming more of an issue in my body.  I had been so used to having a flare whenever I came off the medications, but this time was different. (I believe a big factor for me was that I had been on a homeopathic remedy for about 7 months by this time.)  I wasn’t having a flare, and so it gave me space to ask myself some questions.  Like, what makes me sick?  Am I sick because I have had lab work come back positive for several different infections?  Or am I sick based on how I feel?  I decided that because I was managing to work full-time while taking care of my son on my days off, and I was feeling good, that I was not sick.  I had intended to go back on my antibiotics, but I decided that I was going to let how I felt be my barometer for how I was doing rather than some labs.  It was at that time that I stopped telling people that I had Lyme Disease in the present tense.  I started to talk about it only in past tense, if I even brought it up at all.  I began to think of myself as healthy, and I started just being grateful for how I felt in the moment.  I stopped identifying with my illness.  I stopped identifying myself as a sick person.  And my life changed for the better.

This isn’t to say that I don’t have lingering symptoms.  No one has ever told me that I am cured and in fact, this week, my PCP went over labs with me from September and she concluded that I am still “not well.”  Strangely, that felt more warm and cozy and familiar to me than if she had said I was cured.  I easily took on that illness cloak again.  I even told a few people what she had said.  But since then, I have decided that me not being well is no longer part of my belief system (nod to Jake Ducey).  I am not going to allow numbers on paper or cells in my body to determine my health.  I am going to judge my health based on how I feel.  When my body asks for something, I am going to aim to give it what it needs on a consistent basis.  I have been asked if I worry that I will get Lyme again.  (Yes, you can get MORE Lyme, or re-infected with Lyme following treatment!!)  But I am not worried.  I choose to no longer live my life from a place of fear.  I believe that I have gleaned the lessons that I was meant to learn from my illness, so I do not believe that I will have a repeat of Lyme.  I believe that I will continue to be as healthy as my thoughts, which I am always working to improve.  Our thoughts really do create our reality.  What kind of reality have you been creating for yourself?  What feels comfortable to you even though it causes you strife?

Jake reminded us all this weekend that every 7 years, every cell in our body gets replaced.  So every 7 years, we essentially become new people made up of brand new cells!  I’m almost at the 8 year anniversary (November 27th) of passing out at home and losing my health.  None of the cells that were present in my body on that day in 2009 even exist anymore!  How cool is that??!  For me, it was a great reminder, because I have come to see and experience the power of my mind.  Our minds have the power to keep us feeling ill long after every cell in our body has been replaced by a new, healthy cell.  And our minds have the power to free us from our dis-ease.

I invite you to consider that sometimes using our mind to free us from dis-ease isn’t necessarily about getting cured from that which ails us.  Sometimes, it’s about shifting the way that we think about the illness that makes all the difference.  I see my illness as a blessing because of the level of gratitude that I now live with every day.  I could not have gotten that any other way.  So I would not wish it away or go back in time and change things so that I wouldn’t lose my health.  Life is not happening to us, it’s happening for us.  We are not victims, we are students. It is OK to grieve for the loss of your health.  It is OK to feel angry and sad.  It is OK to feel like it is unfair, and to throw shit.  Just try not to live there forever.  Your illness is not a torture device, but rather a teacher.  In the thick of my illness, I would have told you that you were crazy if you told me that in 8 years, I would be writing about how grateful I am that I lost my health.  But here I am.  And I am no different from you.  Our illness may have the same name, or a different name, but that’s meaningless in the grand scheme of things.  We all have the ability to choose peace in every situation, peace with what is.  Because, I have found that it’s usually the way that I am thinking about something that causes me the most suffering.

When I look at a situation and say OK, this is how it is, I can decide how I want to show up.  I am in control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions.  That’s it.  I encourage you to think, feel, and do things that make you feel good as often as possible.  Work to shift yourself into a place of ease, so that dis-ease no longer lays claim to your body.  You are not your body.  You are not your illness.  You are much more expansive than either of those.

Listen to Michael Franti’s “Hey Hey Hey” HERE

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Looking for the Map: Part 2 of My Health Journey

So, between November 2009 and June of 2012, I lived with bouts of recurring pericarditis still without knowing the cause.  With everything I did, I worried that I would have another flare.  A flare basically meant lots of chest pain, bed rest (because it seemed to decrease the amount of time a flare lasted), and another subsequent increase in my dose of steroids.  I limited my physical activity during this time, which meant that I wasn’t spending much time outdoors.  And time outside in nature is what soothes me and my soul the most.  As you can imagine, I wasn’t feeling very good overall during this time.  I noticed apparent patterns like my symptoms seemed to get worse around the time of my period, and I seemed to always have flares of chest pain on my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  To the point that a friend once suggested that maybe I go to bed before Thanksgiving and not wake up until after Christmas.  I would tell my doctors, but they were unable to make a connection with any of it.

During my son’s naps, I would take time to research pericarditis.  I found an online support forum for people with pericarditis where I was able to connect to others who were also dealing with this strange illness.  I was anxious to find some answers, or at least other people who could relate to what I was going through.  I even went on to be the “leader” of the pericarditis forum for a while, welcoming new people into the group and sharing my own story.  I continue to keep in touch with a few of the women from that group.  At one point, I sought the help of an acupuncturist who would do weekly treatments and send me home with herbal Chinese teas to drink.

During the Fall of 2011, I came across a doctor in my area who had successfully treated someone with pericarditis using IV hydrogen peroxide therapy.  By that time, I was almost to the 2 year mark since my pericardial window, and had been seeing my cardiologist, a rheumatologist, and a had gotten a second opinion from a cardiologist at Stanford.  I was still on daily prednisone, still suffering with the side effects of it, and desperately trying to get off of it because of the known long-term negative side effects. I was also injecting myself with Methotrexate daily in hopes that it would help me get off the prednisone.   No one had any answers for me.  I was desperate for answers and was willing to try anything to get my health back.  I began my IV hydrogen peroxide treatments in September of 2011. I forget how many times a week I would go at the beginning, but I do know that there were some weeks in there once I was successfully off the prednisone that I went 3 times a week when I was sick and at risk of flaring.  Mind you, the office where I went was a 45 minute drive away from my home, and I would generally be there for 2 hours for each treatment, which meant that the whole ordeal of driving and sitting there getting treatment took about 4 hours total.  And I was fitting these sessions in around being a Mom and full-time nursing student.  I once saw a movie where one of the characters was going for chemotherapy and would pull up a black, leather recliner in a room next to the other people there receiving their chemo.  That’s exactly what it was like with the hydrogen peroxide treatments.  A group of people all sitting around in recliners hooked up to IV drips.  The idea behind why hydrogen peroxide can be beneficial is that it adds a large amount of oxygen to the blood stream, and things like bacteria, viruses, and fungi generally do poorly in high oxygen environments.  So even though this doctor couldn’t be sure what was causing my pericarditis, the idea was to oxygenate my system so that the possible culprit would be killed off.  Well, this worked great in that I was able to get off of the prednisone fairly quickly.  Initially, I would chat with the other people there amazed to hear their success stories with a myriad of different IV treatments for various illnesses.  IV hydrogen peroxide does wonders for people with circulation issues related to diabetes for example.  I’d share my story and my seeming success with this new treatment. Later, I would sit and study for class, or sleep during my treatments.  Over time, it became tiring to talk and share my story.  I found myself becoming more and more exhausted all the time, and I would usually sleep through my treatments.  I also noticed that my memory surrounding my exams in nursing school seemed to be declining.  At some point, in a conversation with another patient about primary care doctors, I was told to go to a Nurse Practitioner here in town. My doctors attempted to explain away my severe fatigue (and think even more tired than new parents) by saying that it was because I had a young toddler and was in nursing school, but I knew that it was somehow related to my health. I even questioned if maybe I was experiencing adrenal fatigue, but it fell on deaf ears.  At this time, feeling generally unheard by my other local providers, I sought out the help of the holistic chiropractor in Oregon who had helped me when I bruised the bones in my feet in a fall (see We Are Never Alone) citing extreme fatigue as my most problematic symptom.  She listened to me and agreed that I could be experiencing adrenal fatigue and she had me do a saliva test to find out.  Sure enough, the tests came back definitive for adrenal fatigue and she started me on a natural supplement right away.  I noticed some improvement, but I generally noticed that I seemed to be feeling worse all the time. Between September 2011 and June of 2012, I had a total of 55 IV hydrogen peroxide treatments, multiple infrared sauna treatments, and IV vitamin C and IV DMSO treatments.

When I finally made an appointment (June 2012) with the Nurse Practitioner I had received a rave review about, I really felt like I was just going so that she could meet me and hear my health story, with the hope that she could be a sort of overseer for me of all things medical.  I had a lot of specialists involved on my case, but did not yet have a primary care provider that I could trust to keep track of everything as it was happening. During my first appointment in June 2012, upon telling her my experience with pericarditis and the ensuing loss of my health, she began asking me questions.  I should say that there had been a time for me while living in Oregon where I got lucky to have health insurance through a job after at least 5 years without it.  I had a kind of running list of all of the questions I wanted to ask a doctor during that time about small things related to my health that I had noticed.  My ex-husband once reminded me that I would sometimes see natural remedies for things at the food co-op in Oregon and wonder if they would help me.  He just thought that I was a hypochondriac.  My point is that some minute symptoms may have appeared prior to November 2009.  But back to my appointment…after maybe 5 to 10 minutes of asking me questions and examining me, the Nurse Practitioner told me that I should be tested for Lyme Disease.  I explained to her that I had been tested for Lyme Disease during my second hospitalization in February of 2010, and had been told that the test was negative.  She explained to me that the tests for Lyme weren’t very sensitive and that because of that, diagnosing Lyme was supposed to be based more on clinical findings than the tests.  SEE LYME DISEASE SYMPTOM CHECKLIST HERE  She also explained that because ticks carry more than just Lyme Disease that it was very possible that I was also experiencing symptoms related to other co-infections I likely had.  She gave me a test kit for the Igenex Lab Inc. (IGENEX WEBSITE) here in California that has developed one of the most sensitive tests for Lyme disease in the world, and suggested that I make an appointment with a Lyme Specialist in the Bay area.  I left that appointment completely stunned.  Could she have figured it all out so quickly? Could my almost 3 years of health problems be explained by Lyme Disease and other tick-borne illnesses?  Did this Nurse Practitioner just solve the mystery that several specialists could not?

I went home and dug out my lab results from February 2011 that I had because I had a copy of my chart made when I went to Stanford for the second opinion.  I found out that on my old Lyme test, I did have one band present, band 41. (Understanding Bands on a Western Blot Test) I began to fervently research Lyme Disease.  I found the Lyme Disease symptom checklist and was amazed with the number of symptoms I could check off on the list!  I began to get excited that I might actually have some answers!  And I had a lot of hope that this meant that I would finally get proper treatment!

If you recall from other posts, for my first career, I had spent the better part of 10 years traveling the country as a wildlife and fisheries field biologist, so I definitely had plenty of exposure to ticks in the wild areas where I lived and worked.  I have lived in 1. West Virginia 2. Florida 3. South Carolina 4. North Carolina 5. Maryland 6. Alaska 7. Utah 8. Oregon 9. New Mexico 10. California.  I also worked and/or spent time in 1. Ohio 2. Pennsylvania 3. Georgia 4. Arizona 5. Washington.  I never had a bull’s-eye rash often associated with Lyme Disease. And I only recall having one tick for sure while working in Washington. But the nymph form of ticks can be very very small, like the size of the period at the end of this sentence, so they are easily missed.

You may be wondering why I needed to see a Lyme Specialist rather than just being treated by my Nurse Practitioner.  Well, there is a lot of controversy surrounding the diagnosis and treatment of Lyme Disease.  There are two trains of thought about appropriate treatment for Lyme.  One group includes the Center for Disease Control (CDC), Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA), insurance companies, and most doctors who believe that Lyme can be easily treated with a short course of antibiotics. They explain away persistent symptoms post-treatment by saying that the problem is then either psychosomatic (all in the person’s mind) or an autoimmune response.  The other side includes the International Lyme and Associated Diseases Society (ILADS), Lyme literate doctors who have a specialization in Lyme Disease, and lymedisease.org that believe that Lyme Disease is resistant to treatment and that longer courses of antibiotic therapy is needed to successfully treat Lyme.  They explain that there is a such thing as chronic Lyme Disease that persists after treatment, especially when Lyme goes undiagnosed and therefore untreated in individuals.  Most doctors aren’t really trained to recognize Lyme, let alone treat it.  Lyme has so many different disguises and an extremely wide-range of symptoms.  In the United States, the health insurance companies have a lot of say on the kind of treatment doctors can provide to their patients with Lyme Disease.  Doctors who have given their patients long-term antibiotics for Lyme have had their licenses threatened and in some cases taken away. So the Lyme literate doctors as a rule don’t accept insurance, and instead require patients to pay out-of-pocket for their services, because they have found the most success in treating people with long-term antibiotics, and insurance companies would limit them.  If you want to learn more about this controversy, I HIGHLY recommend that you watch the documentary “Under Our Skin”.  It used to be available on Hulu or Netflix, but I found it for rent on YouTube for $3.99 here: WATCH Under Our Skin

In a very round about way, I ended up having my first appointment with my first Lyme Disease Specialist in Los Angeles in July 2012 before flying to Colorado to visit family.  Prior to my visit, I was asked to provide my medical records and was asked to fill out extensive paperwork detailing my symptoms, and was also required to write a one-page paper outlining my health concerns.  As soon as the specialist entered the room, she told me that she definitely thought that I did indeed have Lyme Disease as well as at least Bartonella (Cat Scratch Fever), because of the involvement of my heart.  She surprised me by saying that it would be better if I had AIDS, because it was easier to treat than what I likely had.  At that time she began to mentally prepare me to get either a PICC line or Mediport for IV medication delivery in the future, because of my heart and brain involvement.  She thought that the IV hydrogen peroxide treatments likely helped reduce some of my bacterial load, and said that I was likely beginning to feel worse, because when Lyme is killed off, it emits neurotoxins into the body which can start accumulating in the brain if you’re not taking any kind of supplement to bind to the toxins as they are released.  She believed that this is why I felt so exhausted all of the time and why I was having issues with my memory. She filled out the paperwork for the Igenex Lab Inc. test kit and decided to test me for a whole host of infections at this time. Igenex does not accept insurance, so you have to pay out-of-pocket for their testing unless you have Medicare, or your health insurance covers out of network labs, which mine did not at the time.  Luckily, I was able to apply for and receive assistance from the Lyme Test Access Program (Lyme-TAP) for my extensive testing.

At this first appointment, I received an IM injection of an antibiotic, a multitude of supplements, and the direction that I should completely eliminate gluten, sugar, and dairy from my diet.  I was educated on the Jarisch-Herxheimer reaction, and was told various things that I could do to reduce the symptoms and detox my body during treatment.  I was given a prescription for an antibiotic (Rifampin) to start once I was home from vacation.  We continued onto Colorado to visit with family, with a suitcase full of pills, liquids, and powders.  Finally, I had some answers, and I felt like I was making progress towards getting some semblance of my health back.

Matisyahu “Step Out Into the Light” Video

…to be continued…

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If you or someone you know has experienced Lyme Disease first-hand, and you have questions or comments to share, please do.  I always try my best to help other people who are also on a journey with Lyme Disease. I have included a lot of very helpful Lyme-related links throughout this post.  Please click on them if you want to learn more!