Unconditional Love

 

I pay attention to the lyrics in the music I listen to. “What if all the love you gave was starin’ at you from the grave, would it make your heart explode?” To me, these lyrics speak of the amount of love we’re giving out into the world. Are you giving out so much love in your life that having it come back to you would make your heart so full that it would figuratively explode?! So many people I follow and books I have read speak to the same truth: only unconditional love is real, all else is an illusion. Loving ourselves and others as much as we can is the KEY to a better life and a better world! 

I find myself so in love with myself and with life these days that I attract the absolute BEST people whom I love instantly! I’ve slowly let go of the notion that love needs to only be reserved for my family and romantic relationships. In the last year as I have followed my joy and intuition into alignment with my own spirit, I have found my heart open so much to the love that we all are. It’s a really beautiful feeling to have love in my heart for everyone, even people I’ve just met! I strive more to show my love for people in my life than to speak it, but speaking it has also been so freeing. Why do we keep our love under lock and key? I think it’s a result of a combination of our past hurts, traumas, and  programming among other things. We’re more used to feeling hate and fear than we are to feeling love and togetherness. We’re more used to imagining worst case scenarios than best case scenarios. The more I love myself, the more incredible the people I attract are, the more love I feel, because PEOPLE ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! We are all energetic, spiritual beings first and foremost, so when I feel good energy emanating from someone, I feel it and our spirits are magnetized to one another. And even in times when I feel it and don’t say it, I often think to myself, “I love you!” which sends a powerful love vibration out to the person and into the world. 

I have been so lucky to look into the face of someone I love with tears in our eyes as we consciously chose to have our relationship transform into a friendship. It was for the best, and we both knew it. I have loved only this one person unconditionally in a romantic context. I thought that I had loved unconditionally before him, but I hadn’t, because in those past relationships, I was unconsciously seeking to receive love in return for the love I was giving. It has to do with the conscious awareness I have cultivated in my life over the last several years. I have never been so conscious in relationship before. Real unconditional love exists when we aren’t needing or wanting, consciously or not, anything in return for the love that we give someone. It comes when we release expectations of how we want someone to be or how we want them to show up in our lives, and fully allow them to be who they are. We love them for who they are, not for who we want them to be. 

Much of my conscious awareness with relationships came from this relationship. It didn’t always feel good. In fact, at times my wounds were triggered and it was set up so that I was pushed to go within to find the answers to why I was feeling this way vs blaming my feelings on the other person. Because of the way it was set up, we did not see each other often, which meant that I had the distance I needed to really connect with myself and see my codependent tendencies and therefore heal and release them vs act from them. I even told him that I was catching things before I felt the need to bring an issue up to him. It’s what our spirits set out to do, to make us aware of our issues, to give us space to see and heal them, and to hold loving space for each other as we healed, grew, and expanded. Friends, there is nothing like dropping expectations and seeing the bigger picture of a connection with a person. 

And it’s not about dropping expectations for how we want to be treated, or allowing ourselves to settle for less than what we want in a relationship. It’s about going with the flow, knowing that people don’t show up in our lives by chance, and embracing the lessons and moments with a person in the NOW. We have the choice of who we spend time with, so at any moment if a connection isn’t bringing us joy, we have the ability to walk away. I would always ask myself if the connection was bringing me joy. While the answer was yes, I made space for the connection in my life, When we felt like we needed to move on, we did, with no ill will or feelings towards each other. I never felt anger. I never felt the need to cling, because I was also learning during this time that there is no lack in this life. Therefore, I didn’t feel the need to cling to him. I knew that when I was guided to move on that I could trust it and I got curious about what/who would come in to fill that energetic space in my life. When we really love someone, we want the best for them and us. We respectfully express gratitude for them and their time as we walk away. We acknowledge the beauty of the connection, because an end is never really an end to the love we feel. There are no real lines, so there is no switch to change our feelings just because the nature of the relationship has changed. If we really love someone, we let them go with grace and love. 

In the last year especially, I have seen how divine the timing of everything is, including the timing of when people come into and go out of my life. There are no coincidences. I have always had the idea that this person and I had a deeper connection with each other. I felt like we knew each other from past lives. We recently got closure that I didn’t even know I needed. Our connection came full circle as we completed the pact our spirits had with each other to meet up and help remind each other of who we were before the world told us who we should be. Much of our relationship was about experiencing child-like joy together. We met just before I realized that my health was back and that I was physically capable of all that I had been before my dis-ease. I found myself, in part, in our moments spent together. Sometimes, even when we think that we’ve let go of a person completely, we can spend time together and get beautiful closure beyond a time of physical separateness. We had an amazing time express our feelings and gratitude, to share what we had learned in our relationship and during our time apart, and to experience more joy together!

Stay open. When you follow your intuition and joy, you’ll find that you get guided to what you need rather than what you think you want. Our spirits know what we need. Our spirits know when we need more experiences with a person in order to close out the old agreement we had with them in order to make way for the new friendship that we’re welcoming into the new, now moment. Giving love is always the answer. When we’re giving from our overflowing cup, giving love to someone doesn’t deplete us. When we love unconditionally, we see how beautiful people are even in their own perceived ‘flaws’. Loving this person unconditionally opened me to love myself unconditionally. I saw him in all of his authenticity and vulnerability and I saw myself reflected back to me. Loving his light AND dark led me to love my own light and dark in a deeper way. Isn’t it beautiful how relationships are to grow us and not make us happy? Our sweet closure left me in awe of our shared experience and excited for what is to come for both of us as we’ve both transformed our lives in the time since we first met. We shift our connection and allow ourselves to go as a river into the wild, expansive unknown of the next, now moment. 

If all the love I gave was starin’ at me from the grave it would most definitely make my heart explode! The love I experience every day for myself, life, nature, and the connections I continue to make with other people already makes my heart explode on the daily! Life is an adventure. Play more! Love more! Follow your joy every day! It’s in your power to create and give more love in this life! Start with loving yourself and then allow that love to overflow out into the people and world around you! The world needs more love! 

Thank you so much for reading! If you like this post, please like and share it! Sending you so much love today and every day! Follow me on IG for more inspiration to live your best life! 

Watch the video for “Let It Go” HERE. (Yes I know I have posted this song on this blog before. It has so many good messages for all of us!)

 

Emotions vs. Physical Pain

For those of us who are very sensitive and feel the energy of everyone and everything around us (many people here right now), it can be really easy to get swept up in it all and lose ourselves. We grow up looking to the people around us for ways to cope with emotions, to cope with life. Many of their coping mechanisms were not healthy for them, therefore many of the coping mechanisms we learned are not healthy for us.

I had a friend tell me that it is easier to deal with physical pain than it is to feel their emotions. They hit the nail on the head, because they had learned early on to stuff their emotions deep down and just deal with them as the physical pain that they manifested as in their body. It shows how intense emotions can be for some of us. So intense that we’d rather experience the physical pain. Have you noticed this truth for yourself? Do you find that physical pain is easier to deal with than your emotions? Can you see how that belief causes you to push down your emotions while you create physical pain in your body? Yes, our thoughts and beliefs are THAT powerful.

I was in the same boat for most of my life. I coped with my emotional pain by stuffing them down. I felt EVERYTHING, and when it meant tension of parents who were usually fighting or not talking, I chose to live my life as small as possible to try and reduce the number of waves in the house. Did it work? No. I didn’t have the power to change the interpersonal dynamics happening around me. The waves were still there. I still felt everything and then on top of it, held myself back from activities that I knew would create issues. I got quiet and held in all of my confused emotions of fear, sadness, and anger about the situation in my house. I was there as a confidant to my Mom, because I began to feel that when others around me, especially my Mom, were OK around me, that I was OK. Otherwise I felt far from OK. This pattern has continued throughout my life. I realized during my own Holographic Kinetics sessions that my ability to feel all of the energy around me made me prone to take it on as my own, adjust my own being to not add to its ‘negative’ feeling nature, and to place more importance on how people around me were feeling rather than on how I was feeling. As you can imagine because you’re human too, learning to put my own needs last ended up being detrimental to my health. I struggled with depression for many years, and later had a mystery illness attack my heart. Take it from me, it’s extremely important that we put ourselves and our needs FIRST. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.

After talking with my friend about it being easier to feel physical pain vs emotions, my ankle pain popped into my head. I remember most evenings sitting with my family in the living room watching TV as I cried and rubbed my sore ankles. The pain would shoot up from my ankles, up through my shins, and into my knees. I remember in those moments, trying to remember what it felt like when my ankles were’t hurting. I would just sit and wish that they weren’t hurting. My Mom would give me ibuprofen, which would help. I hated taking pills. I had so much trouble swallowing them.  I used to think that it was the shoes I was wearing, or the structure of my feet. But last week, I hiked in sandals not meant for hiking, or even walking long distances really. I hiked up and over granite boulders, through meadows, and over gravel and dirt, and I didn’t have ANY ankle pain AT ALL (or knee, or shin pain etc)! I can see how everything lined up to have me connect these dots right now. I was so concerned about my ankle pain that when I went to Alaska after college for an internship, I wondered if I would end up being in a lot of pain. I wasn’t, but my mind told me that it was because I was wearing good hiking boots that supported my feet well, and that I wasn’t walking on hard pavement.

In writing this post, it became clear to me why I felt so much pain in my ankles as a child. A quick search about emotions and ankle pain revealed that my issue wasn’t physical, but emotional. I had what felt like a lack of stability in my support system. I also felt like I had the weight of the world on me, because I was unconsciously taking the blame and responsibility for the stress in my house. The weight became too much to bear, and my ankle pain was also unbearable at times. Interesting as well is that I sprained my ankles several times as a kid. I was literally feeling a lack of support in my life that was expressing itself in a lack of support in my own physical body! I learned to build my own support system. I stayed with friends a lot. In high school, I had a really great boyfriend with a family who supported and encouraged me. Looking back, as he went off to college during my senior year of high school, my self-created support system was shaken, and I sprained my ankle pretty severely the week or so before school started and he left to go out of state for college. Now I can see how it all fits together, and it makes so much sense. I had trouble feeling and coping with my big emotions and the situation around me, so it all showed up as physical ailments. As it turns out, the fact that I have become my own support system and have learned to feel my feelings is all that I needed to ‘cure’ my ankle problems. Also, I have an AMAZING support system made of family and dear friends. Are you allowing yourself to feel your own emotions? Are they showing up as physical pain in your body? Are you taking on pain and stress from people around you?

It has taken me the better part of 40 years to learn the real secret. That emotions, like everything else in this life, are fleeting and that the best way to handle them is to feel them when they arise. It has taken lots of practice to not stuff my emotions down. This can mean that I allow myself to cry at apparently inopportune times like when I’m processing big shifts and the emotion wells up in me like a tidal wave and the tears begin to stream down my cheeks at my favorite coffee shop. How many times have you held back tears? Why? I’ve held them back at work before like when I was working in the hospital and had a lot going on in my personal life, which feels appropriate except that I even held back in the break room away from patients, families, and coworkers. We have been taught that feeling our emotions and god forbid expressing them outwardly makes us weak, even more so for men who are taught from a young age that they need to be strong and keep going through their hardships without stopping to feel, to cry. Ironically, as more and more people allow themselves to feel and express their emotions as they arise, we are going to create a world community that is stronger than ever. Emotions are real life, they aren’t weak. I see so much strength in the face of a man who has tears flowing down his face. I know that he is fighting against the norm of what he’s been taught to do his whole life. And wow do I think it’s really fucking beautiful! I feel so incredibly grateful for the men in my life who have felt safe enough with me to express the full range of their emotions in front of me. We all need you to keep feeling and releasing.

Several years ago, as I had a big relationship/friendship end just before my dog of 14 years died, I thought that I would spiral into a severe depression. Honestly, the relationship had been over for some time by this point, so I had already prepared myself for it’s end. But nothing can really prepare a person for their dog dying. That pain was intense to say the least and I am still so grateful that a dear friend of mine offered to drive me to and from the veterinarian. It would not have been safe for me to drive myself. I left that office completely beside myself. I cried for the better part of two days straight. I called into work sick for two days and I don’t regret it one bit. It is VITALLY important for us to recognize these moments in our lives when we need to make space for ourselves to feel the full range of our emotions and to release them through a river of tears. No person, situation, or job is more important for us than giving ourselves that kind of love and space to feel how we feel in the moment. It is always better to let other people down than to let yourself down. Send a strong message to your body mind spirit, and Source that YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You can do this by taking good care of yourself.

At this point in my life, feeling my emotions as I have them has become MUCH more appealing to me than having pain in my physical body. It is natural that when we’re children, we experience things as trauma, both large and small events, because everything feels so big and important to us. We get overwhelmed easily and make up stories about what we’re experiencing, and so we stuff down our emotions and forget about the traumas that created them.  I have also learned how to separate my energy out from other’s energy, which prevents me from getting so overwhelmed by the energy circulating outside of myself. Working as an RN in the hospital really enabled me to hone that skill, because I was surrounded by so many varying sources of energy.

We’ve done ourselves a disservice because we’ve got a country full of people who are numbing their feelings with drugs, alcohol, other people, sugar, gossip, screen time, work etc. People have more dis-ease and more chronic pain. And we’ve been taught that the way to move beyond our dis-ease and pain is to seek solutions outside of ourselves. While western medicine does have its place, start viewing your body as a messenger. Get quiet and start tuning into the wisdom of your own body as you’re trying to get answers about the way things are physically manifesting. What stressors are you currently dealing with? Have you been ignoring your intuition about something? Are you feeling a lot of fear, anger, guilt? What food are you feeding your body and mind? Are the things/people/situations you’re allowing into your life lifting you up or tearing you down? If you answered with the latter, consider it spring cleaning time in July and ruthlessly clear out the things that are no longer serving your highest good. Set the intention and watch as people and situations clear out of your life with hardly an effort. You have a choice on what you are allowing in your life. You are not a powerless victim. Realize your power to change your life at any time. Will it feel scary at times? Yes. But will it also feel exciting? Yes. Are those two emotions easily parsed out? No, so choose to reframe your feelings as excitement rather than fear. This is where the adventure begins. Get excited about all of the things that can go right! Get excited that your future can look completely different from your past.

I have seen the cause and/or activation of issues for myself and others be traced back to childhood, the womb, at conception, past lives, or within the genetic line through my sessions in Holographic Kinetics. Our subconscious mind can lock in beliefs about ourselves and life that we then create from over and over. Our thoughts literally create our reality. Trauma from past lives as well as from distant family members can be passed down repeatedly until someone takes the time to clear and heal it. If you’ve been doing a lot of inner work, but you still feel like you have things holding you back that you can’t quite put a finger on, consider having an in-person Holographic Kinetics session with me. You can read more about Holographic Kinetics at http://www.holographickinetics.com. Feel free to reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com for more information.

Thank you for reading along. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Sending you all so much love!

Picture reposted from IG:

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It’s Time to Rise Up!

Join me in realizing that we don’t know the half of what’s going on in this world and who is behind the puppets in power/fame in this country. As the news of sex trafficking and pedophila related to Jeffrey Epstein and his sick island come out, I suspect that loads of high profile people will be outed not only as knowing that this was happening, but in being active participants as well. This isn’t a new problem. This isn’t even the first time that this information has been brought forward. I stopped paying attention to news when I lost my health many years ago because I noticed the fear-based model they were using and I did not need more to be afraid of than the thought of never being healthy enough to fully live my life. We’ve already heard so many people in Hollywood partaking in these sick behaviors and yet they continue to happen. Celebrities molesting children. Celebrities being forced to sell their souls and have sex with certain people to gain their fame and fortune. Rapes, sexual assault, and abuse.

This post is from the spring of 2017. The scope of the problem has been known for some time now. https://newspunch.com/dr-phil-elite-pedophile-rings/

We’ve got to wake up and take our power back in a world where we’ve become so held down by our 9-5 busy, indebted, enslaved culture that we’ve allowed our energy to be held at such a low vibration for so long that we have a hard time believing that we are infinite consciousness. We were programmed and trained to be slaves to a system that only wants us to keep it running so that the wealthy 1% can remain wealthy and in power while the ones above them fund both sides of wars and arguments to keep us at war with and fighting each other.

Everything you think you stand for that makes you feel at odds with other groups of people was designed to do just that. Every conviction you have that your neighbor has the opposite and so you choose to hate them was designed so that you would hate. Race, religion, sexual orientation, politics: all ways to distract and divide us. Dig yourself out of the programming and start questioning EVERYTHING. I’ve said this so many times: we are easier to control when we are divided. If you don’t think we’re being divided on purpose, then you’re not paying attention. I am not the labels being placed on me. I am infinite consciousness in a human body, and so are you. We rise by lifting ourselves and others up. Start taking back your power by following your own intuition and joy! Work to expand your mind beyond what your limited five senses are telling you. (Did you know that we are essentially blind, because we’re only able to see visible light which is a minute fraction of what actually exists in this expansive world?!) Don’t believe everything you’re taught or told, in school or otherwise. Realize that your thoughts are creating your life 100%, including the subconscious ones of which you aren’t yet aware.

Let’s stop living in fear and stress. Let’s make the choice to stop hating others who believe differently than we do. Let’s start showing the love and compassion to the planet, our fellow humans, and all life that we are all saying we want to see more of in this world. Change starts with each of us. Are we done playing small yet? Are we done fighting with each other? Are we ready to remove the walls between us and love more? I am. Every day, we can each choose to show up as the kinds of people who we want to connect with in our day to day life. Each day we can choose to see the bigger picture beyond our limited scope of reality. As you shift your observation, you’ll start to see how magical this life can become when you connect with your spirit and you let go of all of your convictions that have maybe seemed, at times, more important than other humans. It’s OK, we’re all learning. We can choose to learn together. We can choose to stop fighting each other and killing each other. We can choose to LOVE each other.

If you’ve read all of this and you still have something you feel so strongly about that you feel hate, fear, anger welling up in your body over, then I ask you to dig deeper into why you feel that way, where you’ve been getting your information, and what you can do to transmute those emotions into positive action and more positive emotions.

We’ve got to stop playing victims in this world. There is no one to blame beyond ourselves because we’ve allowed our thoughts to be controlled and manipulated, so that we’re left feeling small and powerless, and wanting for all solutions outside of ourselves. I’m telling you, your freedom exists within you, not without. Your power lies in your thoughts, words, actions, and deeds. They are the basis for the reality that you are creating around you. If you’re living a life true to yourself with all of the unique expression you can muster, then I applaud you and ask you to please keep it up for yourself and well-being of humanity. If, on the other hand, you are living what feels like a small life and know that you are functioning at a fraction of the potential you can feel to your core, and are feeling like you’re living in a box, constantly worried about what people will think of you, I ask you to expand your conscious awareness. Find ways to step out of your comfort zone often. Start following your joy more, so that you can then connect more deeply with your own spirit/intuition. YOU are the one who has the power and ability to change your life. YOU are part of the delicately selected thread of people chosen to be here at exactly this time as your complete, authentic, and vulnerable expression of source/god/universe itself. We do not need the version of you who conforms and follows the other sheep. You are here you be YOU in all of your unique grandeur and weirdness!

When we step into our own power and align with our own spirit and stop giving our power away to things outside of ourselves, we take our power back and change the kinds of things that are able to happen on this planet. Rise up my friends! I’ll meet you there!

Need help rising? Work with me! Reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com.

Watch Michael Franti and Spearhead’s “Once a Day” music video HERE for more inspiration to RISE UP!

If you enjoyed this post, you can follow me on IG and/or FB for more content. Please share with others who may need to hear this message. Thank you for reading. Sending you all so much love!

Fleeting Moments

Grief. It’s a tricky thing. I didn’t realize how much grief I had stored in my body until recently when I went and saw the movie “Five Feet Apart”, followed by crying at Rob Bell’s ‘An Introduction of Joy’, an amazing purging of emotions during a craniosacral therapy session, and followed today by nearly bursting into tears as I watched a little three-year-old boy in front of me in line at the grocery store. Isn’t that the way with grief? It comes up at the most seemingly unlikely of times. It hadn’t even been on my radar and then BOOM, there it was, over and over and over again.

I’ve asked for this. I’ve asked Source and my higher self to help clear out anything no longer serving me. I ask for it every time I shower. I ask the water to heal me and cleanse me of any energy or way of being that is no longer serving my highest good. Enter in emotions that have been stored deep within me being brought to the surface and into my conscious awareness to be healed once and for all. The things that have been coming up have caught me a bit off guard. It’s been from patients in the hospital who died on comfort care during my time of taking care of them. It’s come up for the loss of my father-in-law as his birthday just passed. It’s come up today for the grief I feel as a mother of a child who is growing and changing right in front of my eyes.

I have felt like my grief is sitting in my chest in a conglomerate of sorts, all jumbled up together in a ball of burnt, shredded and dismantled rubber from a tire that has blown out on a highway. It’s all there, melted together. Actual deaths and suicides of friends and family. Figurative deaths of my marriage, of my old self who processed everything as best she could at the time, the loss I feel from each year that my son grows and morphs into his next round of humanness. Relationships come and gone. Jobs come and gone. Places come and gone. Some things hit harder than others, even in my new understanding and beliefs of how this all works and the fact that I don’t believe any soul ever ‘dies’.

My experience and grief is relative. I do not mean to downplay or gloss over other kinds of grief by expressing my own experiences. I left the grocery store today in tears about my son’s growth, recorded a video about it, and then learned that a friend suffered a miscarriage. It only further reiterated the fragile nature of life and the importance of our appreciation and presence in all of the moments.

My grief was pushed down and avoided when I went to work or school and was trying to function in the world as I felt like crying, but put a smile on instead. When my sadness overcame me in the form of depression and wishing for death, I still had to find a way to live in the world. That dichotomy consumed me at times. The mask I wore nearly suffocated me. Can you relate?

I almost did that today. In fact, I suppose I did do that at the register as I watched the two young boys in front of me and awaited my turn to check out and pay. I dared not completely lose it and breakdown right then and there as I waited to pay. I saved that for a few moments later for when I expressed my gratitude to the Mom that I had remained in line behind her and her children after she had told me I could go ahead of her. I cried. I cried as I spoke of my son and his crocs and the fact that he was now nearly my size, and the fact that the time had moved so fast. I cried on my way to my car, got to my car and cried some more. I know from experience that this wasn’t only about my son. This was just a path of least resistance to have me open up and release years of grief stored within me. Tears have the power to cleanse us. Tears have the power to heal us, yet often, we hold them back.

I found myself basking in the ever present fleeting nature of this life, all the moments, and all the people who have crossed my path. I recorded this video in that moment. THIS is why I live the way I do. I have taken care of a patient in their 20’s on comfort care with AIDS, surrounded by their twin and rest of their family during their final moments of life. I witnessed and stored the pain felt by their family within my body. I nearly lost my own life with a baby at home depending on me for nourishment and love. While I am aware of my infinite, spiritual nature, I also know that in this body, in this time and space, I only have one shot to make the most of it. My pain has fueled my passion. My heartache has fueled my love. I would not be who I am without every single experience of my life, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I don’t know how else to say it. Please allow other people’s stories to impact yours. Please snap out of the sleep you’re in and start living life to the fullest. Please enjoy the small moments, because they are in fact, the most important moments of our lives.

It’s a choice to follow your passion or go along with the status quo. It’s a choice to remain asleep in victim consciousness or to wake up to your full power as a co-creator in this life. It is a choice whether or not to remain present during all of your moments or to check out.

In my life so far, I have lived both ways. I have seen how feeling like a victim affected my life and I am a witness daily to the way that realizing my power to shape my reality has positively transformed my life. I know what I will continue to choose.

I will choose growth, expansion, and healing. I will choose placing my priority on my energetic vibration and my alignment with my higher self. I will choose to listen to a nudge from my intuition over the loud voices of the people and institutions surrounding me. I was asleep and desperately trying to numb my feelings and the energy of those around me for most of my life, and I will not go back to that way of being.

I will do my best to continue to do the real ‘adulting’ in this life which I believe is to say that I will do my best to feel my feelings in the moment. I have learned that when I feel feelings as they arise, they are much easier to handle and process. I have learned that feeling my feelings now means that I won’t store them in my body to process later or to have them surface as dis-ease or pain at a later date. I know that our feelings can overwhelm us. I understand why we’d oftentimes prefer to shut them off entirely. But what I have found is that those old feelings will hold us back in life until we feel and heal them once and for all. After all, energy is never destroyed, it is merely transformed. Unfelt feelings and trauma not dealt with only lead to pain, dis-ease, and suffering later in life.

I have learned that when I show up fully in my life, that my challenges stop creating stigma and start being a path for deeper connection and understanding with other humans. When I choose to open up in full authenticity and vulnerability, I find others who have had similar experiences to mine. I also find that giving myself the permission and space to open up gives others that same space and freedom. Everything starts with us and creates ripple effects outward. I think what we all really need is just the reminder that we are never alone in our struggles. That there are common threads that connect us all. Remember that we never know what someone is going through, so it’s critical that we treat people kindly, always. Remember to treat yourself kindly as well. This life isn’t a rehearsal. Are you present in your moments? Are you doing what you came here to do?

Thank you for being here on this journey with me. When I started this blog in 2017, I could have never known the freedom that it would give me to show up fully in my life. Writing here has helped me remove the compartments that I used to sort the various areas of my life into.

If you liked this post, please like and share it. In that way, we can create further ripple effects. Feel free to follow me on IG and/or FB for more content. I will be posting the video I recorded there as it won’t upload here. Sending you much love!

Let’s Erase the Stigma of Mental Health

Seriously. No one should feel bad or ashamed, because they go to a therapist. We need to erase the stigma surrounding mental health in this country.

When I was battling severe depression, it was doubly exhausting to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as I felt the need to hide my issues from others. Anyone with depression knows, it zaps your energy enough to then put so much into keeping it all a secret. But at the time, it felt necessary for me. I felt ashamed and less than because I was struggling with a sadness so severe that I could barely function. It made me have an anxiety attack once just to go and talk casually with a potential new employer about work I really wanted to do for them, because the thought of having to be ‘on’ and ‘sell myself’ was THAT overwhelming. It was also no fun to be on the verge of tears literally all the time, yet still have to go to work and hold them back. I avoided talking to people. I avoided phone calls. I avoided as much life as I possibly could. I always worried that my secret would be found out, which at the time terrified me. I felt like I was broken.

Just taking the steps to find my first therapist was daunting. But that step ended up being crucial to turning things around. I went to someone who had me try loads of natural supplements and even a SAD light as I was living in a rainy, gray Oregon winter at the time. When none of those worked, we moved onto medications. First Prozac which helped me immensely at the time. Then there became a need for less side effects, so I saw a psychiatrist to have my meds adjusted. Moved onto Wellbutrin. Then eventually landed on Lexapro. The names of medications don’t really matter, because they’re what I needed at the time. I write this for anyone else who has struggled with depression and has taken multiple medications before finding the ‘right’ one. There was a time when I thought I’d be taking Lexapro indefinitely, because of how my doctors believed my Lyme Disease was affecting me.

You are not alone. Many of us deal with mental illness and most don’t talk about it. I’ve been able to move past my years of depression, with appreciation that I’ve experienced such lows in my life. Those things we’re most ashamed of tend to connect us the most deeply with our fellow humans. This human life can be really difficult. We aren’t taught positive ways to cope, so we end up getting completely overwhelmed when challenges inevitably arise. If you’re like me, then you may relate to the fact that I used to internalize everything happening around me as something that was my fault. As a child growing up in a tense household, I took all of the negative energy on as my own and it was the start of my depression. I felt confused, alone, and unlovable.

It is my hope that in sharing, I can help remove the stigma for just one person currently being challenged by mental illness. You are not alone. Do not be ashamed of needing to see a therapist. It’s brave of you to take that step and you should be proud of yourself for recognizing when you need help and asking for it. I know none of it is easy for you.

Know that many therapists will offer a sliding scale if you lack insurance that covers it. Don’t let money stop you. There are ways. If you’re a student, check in with your school. One of the best counselors I ever went to was at the community college I attended for nursing school. She was in training, but she was the best for offering practical and positive ways to cope with my stressors at the time, which was my health crisis.

Know too that you might not find the ‘right’ therapist for you on the first try. I have been to several and they are not all the same. I’ve had some that were a good fit and some that were a terrible fit. I was once so overwhelmed with life that I asked my therapist directly for positive coping mechanisms to get me through the stress I was feeling. She didn’t offer me any that day, and I never went back to her again. You know yourself better than anyone. If you’re not having a good experience with your therapist, trust yourself and find a new one. Of course be mindful that you’re not just sabotaging it, because you never wanted to go in the first place. But your therapist should help you feel better overall, and you should feel safe and heard.

Pay attention to your intuition or repeating messages. Is a particular office calling to you? Do people around you keep mentioning the name of the SAME therapist to you? Do you keep seeing an advertisement for a particular therapist over and over? Follow those leads, because your higher self is guiding you. Trust it.

Thank you for reading! If you like this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG and Facebook for more positive content and perspective on life. Much love!

Intuitive Eating

I’m seeing all of the posts about Nipsey Hussle’s death and the fact that he was working on a documentary exposing the natural healing work of Dr. Sebi. From what I have read, Dr. Sebi’s work, in part, was pointing us towards an alkaline, plant-based diet. It is known to be healing and is thought to prevent dis-eases such as cancer. The work of Dr. Sebi was known in the 1980’s. He had published that a cure for AIDS had been found after he had cured people with AIDS. He was taken to federal court and won.

People have to be told like a public service announcement that fruits and vegetables are the healthiest options for us. I think all too often, like most other things, people have shut off their intuition in exchange for following the crowd. This presents in food as fad diets. It seems like everyone is on some kind of specialized diet these days. But what if we’re meant to listen to our own bodies?

I have come to realize that the best way to eat is by following my intuition. Our intuition can be a guide for EVERYTHING! It’s like our own, personal, specialized system geared towards returning OUR body to it’s perfect state of wellness.

We get off track when we choose to ignore the way foods make us feel. When we eat something even though it makes us feel terrible, we are in fact ignoring messages from our bodies and our intuition. I think a decision based in self-love would be choosing to eat what makes us feel good, and gives us more energy and vitality. I get it, a lot of things sold at the grocery store and restaurants make us feel bad when we eat them, so then what DO we eat?!

In my experience over the last 8 months, I eat more fruits and vegetables. I’ve been led to a diet that is vegan, but I also don’t eat gluten or soy. I don’t drink alcohol. Why? Because I’ve noticed that I feel terrible after I eat/drink those things. I started paying attention to how everything I ate or drank made me feel. If something makes me feel good, I eat or drink more of it. If it makes me feel bad, I eliminate it. And what I am realizing is that I have been naturally led to a plant-based, alkaline diet.

When we ignore messages from our bodies, the messages get louder. I had noticed small things going on with my health long before my heart nearly failed. I didn’t realize they were happening because of something I was doing: ignoring my heart and intuition.

We can all learn to tap into and use our intuition to heal ourselves. It’s not easy work when you realize the work it’s going to take to finally face past traumas and trapped emotions in order to get healthy again, but the work is worth it. Our physical ailments usually don’t happen over night which means the patterns that got us there won’t change over night. But we CAN change them.

If we learn to follow our intuition, it strengthens and becomes easier to use. When we stop doing things that don’t feel good, we are putting our well-being first which is key to healing ourselves.

Our minds are very powerful, so we must also be mindful of what we are saying about the things we’re doing or eating/drinking. If we’re choosing to eat the dessert, it does us no good to talk and think about how bad it is for us the entire time we eat it. You’re essentially cursing the food you eat as opposed to blessing it. That food’s negative effects are then compounded. Whereas, when I go to the Sikh Temple and partake in Langar after worship, I am grateful for their sharing and I eat the flat bread offered. They bless their food during the entire time of worship and I set the intention that it will bless and nourish my body. It’s my exception for gluten during the week, and I notice I don’t have problems with it later. I believe there is a lot of power in blessing our food and water before we consume it.

Notice the difference in how you feel when you curse your food vs bless it. I have come to learn that our thoughts play a primary role in our wellness or dis-ease. Get quiet and pay attention to your thoughts about food. Pay attention to what your intuition and body are telling you to eat or avoid. You can heal yourself.❤️

Picture from post by the_enlighten_core on Instagram

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I Hope You Live Louder!

This is what I want for all of us: that we live louder and shine brighter! If you don’t know it yet, living a life 100% true to yourself, and in touch with your higher self, your spirit, is part of what is going to shift the energy humans are bringing to the planet. Being our authentic selves is a big key to healing ourselves and in turn, humankind and the planet. Learning to love ourselves and others unconditionally because we look at everyone with compassion for their human experience.

It sounds counterintuitive when we’ve grown up feeling the need to blend in, the need to be like everyone else so that we don’t get made fun of and rejected by our peers. We’ve been programmed to buy certain things so we can be a certain way. I get it. I’ve grown up with the same programs. I’ve been systematically working to break them down. Changing our thoughts is paramount to changing our lives and in turn, the world around us. How many of us live without peace of mind, yet wish we had peace on the planet? How many want to see others happy, but we are not doing the things that create joy in our lives? It all starts with us on the individual level.

Our lives shape us in a way that is completely unique to us, and it’s by design. Everything is by design to get us to wake up, to realize our limitless potential as powerful creators in this life. I would not be who I am today without EVERY SINGLE THING I’ve experienced.

For instance, I am a good writer, because I used to write letters to my friends and family all the time! I wrote when I went away to college and when I was working in remote camps studying wildlife.

I have such a grateful view of the world because I got so sick that I almost died.

I love my body so much, because even with everything that it has been through, it allows me to do the things I love like hike, swim, and dance. There was a time when I didn’t think I’d be able to do any of those things again.

I was able to create playlists for ecstatic dance with such a huge variety of musicians, because music is what I turned to in my darkest moments. It’s also because I got recommendations along my path as I moved around as a wildlife/fisheries field biologist for the better part of 10 years. Music has been my fuel.

I was such a compassionate nurse in the hospital, because I’ve been the patient for so many years. I know the things I needed to hear when I was scared and in the hospital, so I was able to speak those things to others.

I laugh loudly without a care for who might hear me, because I have spent many days alone sobbing hard and wishing my life would end.

I appreciate wild places extra, because I grew up watching in horror as local mountains were excavated to make way for mines and highways, and smokestacks from steel mills appeared to create the clouds.

These days, I am quick to speak the feelings I have for people, because I have lost many dear friends at young ages. I know that more time is never guaranteed to any of us.

The list goes on and on. Our lives shape us. There are things that make us uniquely who we are, and those are the things that we’re meant to strengthen and share with the world! None of us were created to live small, quiet lives! The world needs you to feel as comfortable as you can being your true authentic, and vulnerable self, so that you can do the work and help shift our reality in a way that only YOU can! Show up and get to shining! It’s time to spread your wings and fly! And it’s time for all of us to make room for each other by holding space of unconditional love and acceptance in our hearts. Nothing good comes from not accepting other people for being different than us, just as nothing good comes from us hiding our true selves from the world!

I can tell you from experience that the more you cultivate the love you have for yourself, the more you won’t care what other people think about you. The less you care about what other people think of you, the more fulfilling your life will become. The more fulfilling your life becomes, the brighter your light will shine. When your light is shining bright, you provide light in all of this darkness to light your way to living your spirit’s purpose, and to be a light for other people to find theirs.

The magic in my life happens when I’m acting as a lighthouse for others. I inspire you by following my joy and living a louder life. You in turn start following your joy and living a louder life. You inspire someone else. We create a ripple effect this way.

What kind of ripple are you currently creating with your life? Is it negative or positive? Are you complaining and gossiping all of the time, or are you living with gratitude and lifting others up with sincere compliments and unconditional love and acceptance?

The change we want to see in the world really does have to start with us. I want to live in a world where we care for each other like family, where we love and accept people for who they are, where everyone lives with equality and experiences the same opportunities, where we lift each other up and encourage each other to shine brighter every day! You’ve got this one life to live. Are you making it count?!

Thank you @tduckster for posting this today!

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Find me on Facebook and Instagram for more inspiration! Reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com if my words resonate with you, and you could use guidance to further align you with your spirit’s path. It’s my passion to help others live their best lives! Much love to you!

Listen to Matisyahu’s “Thunder” HERE