We’ve Been Locked in an Energetic Prison

 

 

www.peacefuljellyfish.com

We’re slaves in a energy-depleting system designed to keep us down, suffering, and feeling separate from one another. We spend the majority of our lives giving our energy to jobs we don’t like in exchange for a paycheck. We are then sold a measure of success based on outside things like degrees, houses, cars, other high-priced material items that we then go into large amounts of debt to attain. The system is set up so that we feel worthless without these items. The truth is that we all have intrinsic worth. The debt only acts to further enslave us, because we work the majority of our time to use the majority of our paycheck to pay down our debts. Rinse and repeat. Year after year. Generation after generation. Enough is enough!

We’re trading our most valuable commodity (our energy) for a paycheck. Most of us are working jobs that only serve to take our energy and do not give any back to us. It’s designed this way. I realize now how draining my RN job in the hospital was. Yes, I ‘only’ had to work 3 days a week (for a minimum of 36 hours, note full-time), so I had 4 days off a week. When I look back, I see how I’d give away most of my energy at work, then I’d have days off and by the end of it, I would have raised my vibration a little, only to go back to give my energy away again. It’s like I was stuck in a repeating cycle of low energy. Mind you, I LOVED working with people in a caring/nursing capacity. What I didn’t enjoy was the way that it was ran, and the constant drama created as more tasks were added to an already packed schedule and the worst nurses were always the ones getting rewarded and promoted to management positions. The negative energy was multiplied and I always left wishing that I could spend more time with my patients rather than in front of the computer. It’s all by design. If we had extra energy on our days off and didn’t have to spend them primarily catching up on the chores at home that we let slip during the rest of the week, we’d likely do more fun things which would raise our vibration. But as it stands, ‘fun’ is treated more as a luxury or bonus than what it actually is, a necessity. It’s necessary, because having fun and feeling good is a big part of what elevates our vibration and aligns us with our spirit. Following my joy and intuition about EVERYTHING in my life has been KEY to the level of awareness (consciousness) at which I currently function, and my alignment with my own spirit.

Most people are functioning at such a low vibrational level, because during the day, they’re working at jobs they hate. In the evenings, they’re watching all of the television PROGRAMMING designed to fill us with low-vibration, negative emotions. On weekends, many people spend much of their time doing household chores during the day, and drinking alcohol and/or doing drugs to cope with their generally low vibrational life at night, which acts to further lower their vibration. Alcohol is such a widely accepted way to numb our feelings and ignore the fact that we are living lives that do not make us happy. It may seem that alcohol (a depressant) makes you feel better, but in fact, it’s just another thing that lowers your energetic vibration, plus it lowers your defenses and can open you up to inter-dimensional interferences that can then enter your field and create further havoc in your life. When I became aware that my RN job was affecting me so negatively, I had the thought that I should maybe take up drinking wine in the evenings or smoking pot to cope with the levels of stress I was experiencing. I drank some wine, but never started smoking pot. If you’re at that point, I can tell you from experience that you need to find a new job. If our work is making us feel like we need drugs and alcohol to get through it, then we’re doing the wrong work. There’s no way around it. I’m not saying that everyone needs to leap out of their current job cold turkey, but the mindful thing to do would be to start imagining up what you would like to do instead. Take steps to learn something new to expand your horizons. Start seeing your current gig as the stepping stone to your next life adventure! When you come into alignment with your own spirit, you will feel high on life, and won’t need substances to do it.

When humans are kept on this intended negative energy treadmill, our energy keeps us experiencing life in a limited way as we are forced into connecting with ourselves only as physical bodies and the physical world around us with our extremely limited five senses. We tend to be filled with feelings of hopelessness, fear, anger, loneliness and separation. In this state, not only are we easier to control, but we are never able to tap into our innate, limitless infinite consciousness and well-being. When we’re made to be so focused only on ‘what is’ in our physically detectable world, we miss out on being able to see all that’s possible, and all that we ARE. We have to get to a point where we realize our infinite potential if we truly want to escape this limited reality and manifest an amazing, boundless life!

We’re made to feel angry about things such as:  differing political parties that don’t really control things. All sides/parties are on the same side of controlling us; race that is only part of our rented meat suits for this one life as our spirits are raceless. It’s another distraction from real issues and is meant to further separate us. Inequality based on race is fueling that division; gender division and therefore separateness in our solutions to the inequality we see in the physical world. We are only going to see substantial shifts and elevated energy states in the collective if we stop allowing things outside of ourselves to control our emotions (our energy), and our feelings of self-worth. Stop doing things that feel bad. Stop watching the fear-based PROGRAMMING. Stop focusing on everything politicians say or do. Stop thinking that everything outside of you has to be a certain way in order for you to be OK. In other words, TAKE BACK YOUR POWER. Stop getting distracted by all of the purposeful energy sucks outside of you. YOU and only you have the power to direct your energy towards the things you WANT to see in your life and the world. Cultivate inner peace that doesn’t get disrupted by outside things. The outside things are not going to improve until all of our inner things are dealt with and healed. Erase the term selfish from your vocabulary, because when we each do our work to serve up our highest vibration and authentic self in this world, we aren’t just helping ourselves, we’re helping EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. Internalize the fact that we are all energetic beings living in an energetic world, and our energy is the MOST important asset we have, because it is DIRECTLY connected to our mental, physical, and spiritual health.

People think I’m magic, because in relation to the general size of the world’s population, there are very few of us who have figured out how to tap into the power of our own spirit. I cannot say this enough: all that is available to me is available to you! You are infinite consciousness in a human meat suit too. You can find a way to rise above the nonsense of the game just as I have learned to do. You are more powerful than the powers that be want you to know. As a powerful creator of your own reality, you have the ability to consciously create the life of your dreams. But to do so, you MUST find ways to elevate your energy. One of the easiest ways to do this is with a daily gratitude practice. When you shift into the energy of appreciation for all that you have, you draw to your life more things to be thankful for. You also increase increase your happiness by noticing all of the things in your life that are going RIGHT!

Another easy way to shift your energy up is to start following your joy as much as possible. Have you forgotten what brings you joy? This is pretty common in a system that is set up to have us put our own needs last. Start by making a list of what brought you joy as a kid. As children, we’re more in tune with our own spirits, as well have more balanced left brain/right brain approach to life. So quite often, the things that we loved most about life when we were young are the same things we love later in life. In the end of my position in the hospital, I learned to keep my energy elevated by developing an uplifting morning routine that had me waking up at 4 am, excited to get out of bed (I had to punch in by 6 am)! I’d sent the intention before going in that I was going to have a great day and that regardless of what happened, nothing was going to bring me down! Of course stressful situations still arose, but I began to see the humor in what I was able to handle and go through yet still come out of my day smiling. I never considered myself a morning person, but my job required that I be. Give yourself the gift of an uplifting morning routine: meditate, listen to music you love, listen to positive podcasts or YouTube videos, dance, sing, do yoga, read positive affirmations, get outside! Do whatever makes YOU feel good!

Part of the system is also about making us more left-brain dependent by pushing science, which wrongly teaches us that only things provable in a physical way are real, when in fact much of this multidimensional world exists outside of our limited perception. So, we’ve got science dismissing our spiritual nature and we have organized religion convincing us that god is somewhere “out there”, when in fact source/god energy is what we’re all made of. Science and religion each cause us to seek answers from outside of ourselves, when actually we contain all of the answers we’ll ever need within us, our spirit. Even the current ‘New Age’ movement also leads us to seek help from outside of ourselves in the form of angels, crystals, and light/energy. In alignment with our spirit, we realize our true power, and we stop feeling the need to call things from outside of ourselves. All that I had been noticing and feeling about my own alignment with my spirit was confirmed at my training in Holographic Kinetics. When we are aligned with our own spirit, we heal ourselves and others, we are naturally protected from things that seek to cause us harm (which has manifested in me feeling completely safe even when traveling around big cities alone), and our innate psychic abilities increase as does our ability to manifest things in our life. You can balance out your left brain right brain use by balancing your use of logic with your use of your imagination and creativity. Music lessons to balance the science classes. Following your intuition will also help you tap into the abilities of the right side of your brain. Encourage your kids to play freely when they’re out of the walls of their classrooms. We’ve got to keep our inner child alive and well to push past all of the programming that is being fed to us daily. Remember, it’s our inner child that is tuned in with our spirit, and therefore our joy.

It’s important as you move through life having various experiences that you take note of how they make you feel. Start making a mental note of what you’re doing when you feel most alive, and then do those things as often as you can. In my experience, as you start doing one thing that lights you up, you will naturally be guided to other activities that also uplift you. As you follow your intuition by saying yes to joy and no to things/people that leave you feeling bad, your intuition will get stronger. You’ll start to feel more alive and you’re energetic vibration will increase. Your spirit will then guide you to purge all in your life that is no longer serving your highest good, while it sends you new people, opportunities, and situations that match your new, increased frequency. As you get more in tune with your spirit, you will be able to sense people’s energies and intentions even before you physically meet them, which then allows you to choose when to focus your energy on a connection or not. Gone are the days of giving our energy away to situations and people that will not ultimately serve our highest good. Life gets better and better from there!

Contrary to what we’ve been led to believe, life is meant to be fully LIVED with lots of love, joy, well-being, and connection! We are limitless! Life is limitless! Prioritize your own energetic frequency, so that you’re able to align with your own spirit. From that place of alignment, life becomes a fun adventure, and absolutely EVERYTHING is possible!!

If you need extra support as you level up, expand, and move into spiritual alignment, I am available for Mindfulness Coaching and Classes. I currently teach a Mindfulness for Children class through my local Parks and Recreation for 8 to 12 year olds. If you’re ready to purge issues that have been repeatedly holding you back, I can’t recommend highly enough that you try a session of Dreamtime Healing using Holographic Kinetics with me locally, or with a Practitioner near you! It has changed my life in so many positive ways, and I see it also transforming the lives of those who have already had a session with me! There is no other healing modality like it. The time is NOW to free ourselves from the past, so that we can create a new present, and therefore a new future for ourselves! You can read more about my journey to Holographic Kinetics HERE and contact me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com for more information.

See Maya Angelou perform my favorite poem of hers, “And Still I Rise” HERE. Let’s all take our power back and choose to RISE!

Thank you for reading along. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Consider following me on IG at peaceful.jellyfish for additional uplifting content. It’s time for all of us to wake up to the truth of who we are and ALIGN, ELEVATE, and THRIVE! Sending you all so much love!

Are You Being Bribed?

Look, I know not everyone hates their chosen profession that provides a salary, but how many do?! I didn’t hate my job the hospital, but I stopped enjoying it when the red tape was longer than the time I was able to actually be with my patients when they needed me. And regardless of that, the stress of the job began to negatively affect my health. I had my own primary FNP urge me to leave my job to protect my health. I had already lost my health once and almost died and I wasn’t willing to go through that again! After all, I had already learned up close and personal that I wouldn’t be able to buy my health back with money. A lesson a lot of people learn every day. So I jumped out of a $70,000+ a year career to save myself. You know what it feels like 1.5 years later? Worth. It!

Am I making even close to what I was then doing Holographic Kinetics and Mindfulness Coaching and Educating? Not yet. Not close. In fact, I could likely qualify for public assistance, but I’m living in a place of trust that all that I need is always provided for me, and it’s worked out so far. But on par with one of my last posts, what I need shows up when I need it, and not a moment sooner, because I am being taught by my spirit to live in the present moment only. How else are we to learn if we don’t surrender and trust to the flow of the Universe? Do I have some late bills? Yes. Am I freaking out about them? No. I’ve cultivated inner peace that exists regardless of anything outside of myself, which I believe is exactly the point. I no longer define my worth by my career or my income. I’ve never felt so confident in my life. Priceless.

I’m not the only one who had health issues in an RN job. Some stayed, some left, and some are on extended leave of absences (LOA’s), which essentially means that their job is creating physical, mental and/or emotional stress and they are forced to take a break from work. People put their health and their own dreams on the back burner in exchange for a paycheck. It’s bullshit. People get just enough to be ‘comfortable’, a state typically void of real LIVING and JOY. We tend to earn ‘just enough’ to pay on all of the debt we incurred from school, credit cards, mortgages, and cars. We have ‘enough’ to get by, but not to do the things we’ve been longing to do. If we do make enough to say travel, then we’ve got higher ups saying if and when we can take the vacation days we earned. Last year, after planning a trip to vacation with family in Hawaii, I was told that because the cycle sick time for kin hadn’t yet started over that I wouldn’t have enough PTO for my vacation, meaning that I wouldn’t be able to take it. I made sure to quit before then, because I was done living my life for other people, and only with other people’s permission while my own health suffered. Nope. See, that’s the beauty of a catastrophic health event, you become absolutely resolute about not repeating it, and you also start putting your own needs first for a change.

Our jobs sell us lots of stuff to get us hooked: salary, health insurance, paid sick leave, paid vacation time, and discounts in the cafeteria. Telling me that I accrue paid sick leave, but only letting me use it after I’ve had to call off of work for 3 consecutive days (and supply a doctor’s note), is not a perk, it’s a fake benefit. I guess it would have been there to fall back on after the job completed its duty of fully taking my health away, but I wasn’t staying to find out. It’s just something they ‘give’ us that makes us feel like we’re signing on with a company who cares about our well-being. All nurses have to dip into the vacation PTO days off that they earn with each paycheck in order to get a paid sick day off. And do you know how many days off a year a nurse is ‘allowed’ to call in before the hand slapping starts? Three, yes 3 days a YEAR. I needed health insurance when I was living a life of putting myself last, not so much when I’ve been living a life aligned with my own spirit.

You ever wonder what the hell you’re even doing here? Do you really think we’re meant to only work, pay bills, and die?! Ever notice how quick we are to accept the social ‘norms’ and the ‘way things have always been done’? If you’re not happy, you’re the only one who can change it. If you want a different life, you’re going to have to be willing to get really uncomfortable and creative in your next steps. The only time to live is NOW. When are we going to wake up and fully LIVE?

I’ve been meeting more and more people who jumped out of their good paying jobs to work for themselves and/or in places/positions that add happiness to their lives. It can be done. All of the material wealth in the world is not worth your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Look at all of the celebrities who keep killing themselves despite reaching the fame and fortune they set out to achieve. That should be a big wake up call to all of us. Money can’t buy you love, happiness, or joy. Learn to put your well-being and alignment above everything else. There’s much abundance, healing, happiness, joy, and peace to be found here in alignment. Following our intuition and joy to alignment isn’t about forgoing all responsibility. It’s about following inspired action vs feeling moved to some made up required action. It’s about manifesting everything you want and need that’s in sync with your own frequency in divine timing. It’s living in gratitude for all that you have vs only thinking about what you don’t have. It’s about being responsible for your own energy and what you’re bringing into the world. We help others when we help ourselves. We create change when we change ourselves. We lift each other up when we first lift ourselves up.

We don’t have to hustle if we align. Alignment gives way to inspired action which means that the things you do are fun even when they’re for ‘work’. We spend so much time working, so it’d be really smart to find something we enjoy doing. Does it really make sense that the only time we get to truly be free and live the life we want is after retirement when we’re in our 60’s? I’ve known people to die at 60 or mid-60’s. What if you retire at 65 and die at 75? Is 10 years of 75 years really the only time you want to enjoy and experience freedom?!?! What about the people working past retirement age because they feel forced to keep the health insurance? As a whole, are we really OK with this limiting set up?

Have you ever considered that we’re better followers when everything bombarding us makes us feel inferior, small, worthless, and reaching for things outside of ourselves for answers, support, and love? The program creates a void in us, and then creates solutions in the form of science, religion, gadgets, material items, new age beliefs to fill it when in fact, if we’d tune out the noise, we’d find that our natural state is well-being and that all of the answers we ever need exist within us. Nothing in this world is what it seems. We are all limitless, infinite consciousness in a rented human meat suit. We are powerful beyond measure and we are capable of SO much more than the long-accepted status quo. It’s go time! The time to live is NOW! What are you being bribed to do in life by money or fear of the unknown, or your need to feel in control?

Photo credit:

IG: motivation.squadx

If you’d like to tap into the wisdom of your spirit and clear some of the programming and beliefs that got locked into it during this life, previous lives, the genetic lines, or from inter dimensional interferences seeking control, then consider a session of Dreamtime Healing using Holographic Kinetics with me. All sessions are done in person. Issues are cleared on all levels and dimensions which means that they stop impacting your current life and future lives. Healing ripples back into previous generations as well as forward into future generations. Holographic Kinetics allows you and your spirit to take back control of your life without the things currently holding you back.

Thanks for reading along! If you like this post, please like and share it. Sending you all so much love!

Unconditional Love

 

I pay attention to the lyrics in the music I listen to. “What if all the love you gave was starin’ at you from the grave, would it make your heart explode?” To me, these lyrics speak of the amount of love we’re giving out into the world. Are you giving out so much love in your life that having it come back to you would make your heart so full that it would figuratively explode?! So many people I follow and books I have read speak to the same truth: only unconditional love is real, all else is an illusion. Loving ourselves and others as much as we can is the KEY to a better life and a better world! 

I find myself so in love with myself and with life these days that I attract the absolute BEST people whom I love instantly! I’ve slowly let go of the notion that love needs to only be reserved for my family and romantic relationships. In the last year as I have followed my joy and intuition into alignment with my own spirit, I have found my heart open so much to the love that we all are. It’s a really beautiful feeling to have love in my heart for everyone, even people I’ve just met! I strive more to show my love for people in my life than to speak it, but speaking it has also been so freeing. Why do we keep our love under lock and key? I think it’s a result of a combination of our past hurts, traumas, and  programming among other things. We’re more used to feeling hate and fear than we are to feeling love and togetherness. We’re more used to imagining worst case scenarios than best case scenarios. The more I love myself, the more incredible the people I attract are, the more love I feel, because PEOPLE ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! We are all energetic, spiritual beings first and foremost, so when I feel good energy emanating from someone, I feel it and our spirits are magnetized to one another. And even in times when I feel it and don’t say it, I often think to myself, “I love you!” which sends a powerful love vibration out to the person and into the world. 

I have been so lucky to look into the face of someone I love with tears in our eyes as we consciously chose to have our relationship transform into a friendship. It was for the best, and we both knew it. I have loved only this one person unconditionally in a romantic context. I thought that I had loved unconditionally before him, but I hadn’t, because in those past relationships, I was unconsciously seeking to receive love in return for the love I was giving. It has to do with the conscious awareness I have cultivated in my life over the last several years. I have never been so conscious in relationship before. Real unconditional love exists when we aren’t needing or wanting, consciously or not, anything in return for the love that we give someone. It comes when we release expectations of how we want someone to be or how we want them to show up in our lives, and fully allow them to be who they are. We love them for who they are, not for who we want them to be. 

Much of my conscious awareness with relationships came from this relationship. It didn’t always feel good. In fact, at times my wounds were triggered and it was set up so that I was pushed to go within to find the answers to why I was feeling this way vs blaming my feelings on the other person. Because of the way it was set up, we did not see each other often, which meant that I had the distance I needed to really connect with myself and see my codependent tendencies and therefore heal and release them vs act from them. I even told him that I was catching things before I felt the need to bring an issue up to him. It’s what our spirits set out to do, to make us aware of our issues, to give us space to see and heal them, and to hold loving space for each other as we healed, grew, and expanded. Friends, there is nothing like dropping expectations and seeing the bigger picture of a connection with a person. 

And it’s not about dropping expectations for how we want to be treated, or allowing ourselves to settle for less than what we want in a relationship. It’s about going with the flow, knowing that people don’t show up in our lives by chance, and embracing the lessons and moments with a person in the NOW. We have the choice of who we spend time with, so at any moment if a connection isn’t bringing us joy, we have the ability to walk away. I would always ask myself if the connection was bringing me joy. While the answer was yes, I made space for the connection in my life, When we felt like we needed to move on, we did, with no ill will or feelings towards each other. I never felt anger. I never felt the need to cling, because I was also learning during this time that there is no lack in this life. Therefore, I didn’t feel the need to cling to him. I knew that when I was guided to move on that I could trust it and I got curious about what/who would come in to fill that energetic space in my life. When we really love someone, we want the best for them and us. We respectfully express gratitude for them and their time as we walk away. We acknowledge the beauty of the connection, because an end is never really an end to the love we feel. There are no real lines, so there is no switch to change our feelings just because the nature of the relationship has changed. If we really love someone, we let them go with grace and love. 

In the last year especially, I have seen how divine the timing of everything is, including the timing of when people come into and go out of my life. There are no coincidences. I have always had the idea that this person and I had a deeper connection with each other. I felt like we knew each other from past lives. We recently got closure that I didn’t even know I needed. Our connection came full circle as we completed the pact our spirits had with each other to meet up and help remind each other of who we were before the world told us who we should be. Much of our relationship was about experiencing child-like joy together. We met just before I realized that my health was back and that I was physically capable of all that I had been before my dis-ease. I found myself, in part, in our moments spent together. Sometimes, even when we think that we’ve let go of a person completely, we can spend time together and get beautiful closure beyond a time of physical separateness. We had an amazing time express our feelings and gratitude, to share what we had learned in our relationship and during our time apart, and to experience more joy together!

Stay open. When you follow your intuition and joy, you’ll find that you get guided to what you need rather than what you think you want. Our spirits know what we need. Our spirits know when we need more experiences with a person in order to close out the old agreement we had with them in order to make way for the new friendship that we’re welcoming into the new, now moment. Giving love is always the answer. When we’re giving from our overflowing cup, giving love to someone doesn’t deplete us. When we love unconditionally, we see how beautiful people are even in their own perceived ‘flaws’. Loving this person unconditionally opened me to love myself unconditionally. I saw him in all of his authenticity and vulnerability and I saw myself reflected back to me. Loving his light AND dark led me to love my own light and dark in a deeper way. Isn’t it beautiful how relationships are to grow us and not make us happy? Our sweet closure left me in awe of our shared experience and excited for what is to come for both of us as we’ve both transformed our lives in the time since we first met. We shift our connection and allow ourselves to go as a river into the wild, expansive unknown of the next, now moment. 

If all the love I gave was starin’ at me from the grave it would most definitely make my heart explode! The love I experience every day for myself, life, nature, and the connections I continue to make with other people already makes my heart explode on the daily! Life is an adventure. Play more! Love more! Follow your joy every day! It’s in your power to create and give more love in this life! Start with loving yourself and then allow that love to overflow out into the people and world around you! The world needs more love! 

Thank you so much for reading! If you like this post, please like and share it! Sending you so much love today and every day! Follow me on IG for more inspiration to live your best life! 

Watch the video for “Let It Go” HERE. (Yes I know I have posted this song on this blog before. It has so many good messages for all of us!)

 

Emotions vs. Physical Pain

For those of us who are very sensitive and feel the energy of everyone and everything around us (many people here right now), it can be really easy to get swept up in it all and lose ourselves. We grow up looking to the people around us for ways to cope with emotions, to cope with life. Many of their coping mechanisms were not healthy for them, therefore many of the coping mechanisms we learned are not healthy for us.

I had a friend tell me that it is easier to deal with physical pain than it is to feel their emotions. They hit the nail on the head, because they had learned early on to stuff their emotions deep down and just deal with them as the physical pain that they manifested as in their body. It shows how intense emotions can be for some of us. So intense that we’d rather experience the physical pain. Have you noticed this truth for yourself? Do you find that physical pain is easier to deal with than your emotions? Can you see how that belief causes you to push down your emotions while you create physical pain in your body? Yes, our thoughts and beliefs are THAT powerful.

I was in the same boat for most of my life. I coped with my emotional pain by stuffing them down. I felt EVERYTHING, and when it meant tension of parents who were usually fighting or not talking, I chose to live my life as small as possible to try and reduce the number of waves in the house. Did it work? No. I didn’t have the power to change the interpersonal dynamics happening around me. The waves were still there. I still felt everything and then on top of it, held myself back from activities that I knew would create issues. I got quiet and held in all of my confused emotions of fear, sadness, and anger about the situation in my house. I was there as a confidant to my Mom, because I began to feel that when others around me, especially my Mom, were OK around me, that I was OK. Otherwise I felt far from OK. This pattern has continued throughout my life. I realized during my own Holographic Kinetics sessions that my ability to feel all of the energy around me made me prone to take it on as my own, adjust my own being to not add to its ‘negative’ feeling nature, and to place more importance on how people around me were feeling rather than on how I was feeling. As you can imagine because you’re human too, learning to put my own needs last ended up being detrimental to my health. I struggled with depression for many years, and later had a mystery illness attack my heart. Take it from me, it’s extremely important that we put ourselves and our needs FIRST. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.

After talking with my friend about it being easier to feel physical pain vs emotions, my ankle pain popped into my head. I remember most evenings sitting with my family in the living room watching TV as I cried and rubbed my sore ankles. The pain would shoot up from my ankles, up through my shins, and into my knees. I remember in those moments, trying to remember what it felt like when my ankles were’t hurting. I would just sit and wish that they weren’t hurting. My Mom would give me ibuprofen, which would help. I hated taking pills. I had so much trouble swallowing them.  I used to think that it was the shoes I was wearing, or the structure of my feet. But last week, I hiked in sandals not meant for hiking, or even walking long distances really. I hiked up and over granite boulders, through meadows, and over gravel and dirt, and I didn’t have ANY ankle pain AT ALL (or knee, or shin pain etc)! I can see how everything lined up to have me connect these dots right now. I was so concerned about my ankle pain that when I went to Alaska after college for an internship, I wondered if I would end up being in a lot of pain. I wasn’t, but my mind told me that it was because I was wearing good hiking boots that supported my feet well, and that I wasn’t walking on hard pavement.

In writing this post, it became clear to me why I felt so much pain in my ankles as a child. A quick search about emotions and ankle pain revealed that my issue wasn’t physical, but emotional. I had what felt like a lack of stability in my support system. I also felt like I had the weight of the world on me, because I was unconsciously taking the blame and responsibility for the stress in my house. The weight became too much to bear, and my ankle pain was also unbearable at times. Interesting as well is that I sprained my ankles several times as a kid. I was literally feeling a lack of support in my life that was expressing itself in a lack of support in my own physical body! I learned to build my own support system. I stayed with friends a lot. In high school, I had a really great boyfriend with a family who supported and encouraged me. Looking back, as he went off to college during my senior year of high school, my self-created support system was shaken, and I sprained my ankle pretty severely the week or so before school started and he left to go out of state for college. Now I can see how it all fits together, and it makes so much sense. I had trouble feeling and coping with my big emotions and the situation around me, so it all showed up as physical ailments. As it turns out, the fact that I have become my own support system and have learned to feel my feelings is all that I needed to ‘cure’ my ankle problems. Also, I have an AMAZING support system made of family and dear friends. Are you allowing yourself to feel your own emotions? Are they showing up as physical pain in your body? Are you taking on pain and stress from people around you?

It has taken me the better part of 40 years to learn the real secret. That emotions, like everything else in this life, are fleeting and that the best way to handle them is to feel them when they arise. It has taken lots of practice to not stuff my emotions down. This can mean that I allow myself to cry at apparently inopportune times like when I’m processing big shifts and the emotion wells up in me like a tidal wave and the tears begin to stream down my cheeks at my favorite coffee shop. How many times have you held back tears? Why? I’ve held them back at work before like when I was working in the hospital and had a lot going on in my personal life, which feels appropriate except that I even held back in the break room away from patients, families, and coworkers. We have been taught that feeling our emotions and god forbid expressing them outwardly makes us weak, even more so for men who are taught from a young age that they need to be strong and keep going through their hardships without stopping to feel, to cry. Ironically, as more and more people allow themselves to feel and express their emotions as they arise, we are going to create a world community that is stronger than ever. Emotions are real life, they aren’t weak. I see so much strength in the face of a man who has tears flowing down his face. I know that he is fighting against the norm of what he’s been taught to do his whole life. And wow do I think it’s really fucking beautiful! I feel so incredibly grateful for the men in my life who have felt safe enough with me to express the full range of their emotions in front of me. We all need you to keep feeling and releasing.

Several years ago, as I had a big relationship/friendship end just before my dog of 14 years died, I thought that I would spiral into a severe depression. Honestly, the relationship had been over for some time by this point, so I had already prepared myself for it’s end. But nothing can really prepare a person for their dog dying. That pain was intense to say the least and I am still so grateful that a dear friend of mine offered to drive me to and from the veterinarian. It would not have been safe for me to drive myself. I left that office completely beside myself. I cried for the better part of two days straight. I called into work sick for two days and I don’t regret it one bit. It is VITALLY important for us to recognize these moments in our lives when we need to make space for ourselves to feel the full range of our emotions and to release them through a river of tears. No person, situation, or job is more important for us than giving ourselves that kind of love and space to feel how we feel in the moment. It is always better to let other people down than to let yourself down. Send a strong message to your body mind spirit, and Source that YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You can do this by taking good care of yourself.

At this point in my life, feeling my emotions as I have them has become MUCH more appealing to me than having pain in my physical body. It is natural that when we’re children, we experience things as trauma, both large and small events, because everything feels so big and important to us. We get overwhelmed easily and make up stories about what we’re experiencing, and so we stuff down our emotions and forget about the traumas that created them.  I have also learned how to separate my energy out from other’s energy, which prevents me from getting so overwhelmed by the energy circulating outside of myself. Working as an RN in the hospital really enabled me to hone that skill, because I was surrounded by so many varying sources of energy.

We’ve done ourselves a disservice because we’ve got a country full of people who are numbing their feelings with drugs, alcohol, other people, sugar, gossip, screen time, work etc. People have more dis-ease and more chronic pain. And we’ve been taught that the way to move beyond our dis-ease and pain is to seek solutions outside of ourselves. While western medicine does have its place, start viewing your body as a messenger. Get quiet and start tuning into the wisdom of your own body as you’re trying to get answers about the way things are physically manifesting. What stressors are you currently dealing with? Have you been ignoring your intuition about something? Are you feeling a lot of fear, anger, guilt? What food are you feeding your body and mind? Are the things/people/situations you’re allowing into your life lifting you up or tearing you down? If you answered with the latter, consider it spring cleaning time in July and ruthlessly clear out the things that are no longer serving your highest good. Set the intention and watch as people and situations clear out of your life with hardly an effort. You have a choice on what you are allowing in your life. You are not a powerless victim. Realize your power to change your life at any time. Will it feel scary at times? Yes. But will it also feel exciting? Yes. Are those two emotions easily parsed out? No, so choose to reframe your feelings as excitement rather than fear. This is where the adventure begins. Get excited about all of the things that can go right! Get excited that your future can look completely different from your past.

I have seen the cause and/or activation of issues for myself and others be traced back to childhood, the womb, at conception, past lives, or within the genetic line through my sessions in Holographic Kinetics. Our subconscious mind can lock in beliefs about ourselves and life that we then create from over and over. Our thoughts literally create our reality. Trauma from past lives as well as from distant family members can be passed down repeatedly until someone takes the time to clear and heal it. If you’ve been doing a lot of inner work, but you still feel like you have things holding you back that you can’t quite put a finger on, consider having an in-person Holographic Kinetics session with me. You can read more about Holographic Kinetics at http://www.holographickinetics.com. Feel free to reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com for more information.

Thank you for reading along. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Sending you all so much love!

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It’s Time to Rise Up!

Join me in realizing that we don’t know the half of what’s going on in this world and who is behind the puppets in power/fame in this country. As the news of sex trafficking and pedophila related to Jeffrey Epstein and his sick island come out, I suspect that loads of high profile people will be outed not only as knowing that this was happening, but in being active participants as well. This isn’t a new problem. This isn’t even the first time that this information has been brought forward. I stopped paying attention to news when I lost my health many years ago because I noticed the fear-based model they were using and I did not need more to be afraid of than the thought of never being healthy enough to fully live my life. We’ve already heard so many people in Hollywood partaking in these sick behaviors and yet they continue to happen. Celebrities molesting children. Celebrities being forced to sell their souls and have sex with certain people to gain their fame and fortune. Rapes, sexual assault, and abuse.

This post is from the spring of 2017. The scope of the problem has been known for some time now. https://newspunch.com/dr-phil-elite-pedophile-rings/

We’ve got to wake up and take our power back in a world where we’ve become so held down by our 9-5 busy, indebted, enslaved culture that we’ve allowed our energy to be held at such a low vibration for so long that we have a hard time believing that we are infinite consciousness. We were programmed and trained to be slaves to a system that only wants us to keep it running so that the wealthy 1% can remain wealthy and in power while the ones above them fund both sides of wars and arguments to keep us at war with and fighting each other.

Everything you think you stand for that makes you feel at odds with other groups of people was designed to do just that. Every conviction you have that your neighbor has the opposite and so you choose to hate them was designed so that you would hate. Race, religion, sexual orientation, politics: all ways to distract and divide us. Dig yourself out of the programming and start questioning EVERYTHING. I’ve said this so many times: we are easier to control when we are divided. If you don’t think we’re being divided on purpose, then you’re not paying attention. I am not the labels being placed on me. I am infinite consciousness in a human body, and so are you. We rise by lifting ourselves and others up. Start taking back your power by following your own intuition and joy! Work to expand your mind beyond what your limited five senses are telling you. (Did you know that we are essentially blind, because we’re only able to see visible light which is a minute fraction of what actually exists in this expansive world?!) Don’t believe everything you’re taught or told, in school or otherwise. Realize that your thoughts are creating your life 100%, including the subconscious ones of which you aren’t yet aware.

Let’s stop living in fear and stress. Let’s make the choice to stop hating others who believe differently than we do. Let’s start showing the love and compassion to the planet, our fellow humans, and all life that we are all saying we want to see more of in this world. Change starts with each of us. Are we done playing small yet? Are we done fighting with each other? Are we ready to remove the walls between us and love more? I am. Every day, we can each choose to show up as the kinds of people who we want to connect with in our day to day life. Each day we can choose to see the bigger picture beyond our limited scope of reality. As you shift your observation, you’ll start to see how magical this life can become when you connect with your spirit and you let go of all of your convictions that have maybe seemed, at times, more important than other humans. It’s OK, we’re all learning. We can choose to learn together. We can choose to stop fighting each other and killing each other. We can choose to LOVE each other.

If you’ve read all of this and you still have something you feel so strongly about that you feel hate, fear, anger welling up in your body over, then I ask you to dig deeper into why you feel that way, where you’ve been getting your information, and what you can do to transmute those emotions into positive action and more positive emotions.

We’ve got to stop playing victims in this world. There is no one to blame beyond ourselves because we’ve allowed our thoughts to be controlled and manipulated, so that we’re left feeling small and powerless, and wanting for all solutions outside of ourselves. I’m telling you, your freedom exists within you, not without. Your power lies in your thoughts, words, actions, and deeds. They are the basis for the reality that you are creating around you. If you’re living a life true to yourself with all of the unique expression you can muster, then I applaud you and ask you to please keep it up for yourself and well-being of humanity. If, on the other hand, you are living what feels like a small life and know that you are functioning at a fraction of the potential you can feel to your core, and are feeling like you’re living in a box, constantly worried about what people will think of you, I ask you to expand your conscious awareness. Find ways to step out of your comfort zone often. Start following your joy more, so that you can then connect more deeply with your own spirit/intuition. YOU are the one who has the power and ability to change your life. YOU are part of the delicately selected thread of people chosen to be here at exactly this time as your complete, authentic, and vulnerable expression of source/god/universe itself. We do not need the version of you who conforms and follows the other sheep. You are here you be YOU in all of your unique grandeur and weirdness!

When we step into our own power and align with our own spirit and stop giving our power away to things outside of ourselves, we take our power back and change the kinds of things that are able to happen on this planet. Rise up my friends! I’ll meet you there!

Need help rising? Work with me! Reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com.

Watch Michael Franti and Spearhead’s “Once a Day” music video HERE for more inspiration to RISE UP!

If you enjoyed this post, you can follow me on IG and/or FB for more content. Please share with others who may need to hear this message. Thank you for reading. Sending you all so much love!

Fleeting Moments

Grief. It’s a tricky thing. I didn’t realize how much grief I had stored in my body until recently when I went and saw the movie “Five Feet Apart”, followed by crying at Rob Bell’s ‘An Introduction of Joy’, an amazing purging of emotions during a craniosacral therapy session, and followed today by nearly bursting into tears as I watched a little three-year-old boy in front of me in line at the grocery store. Isn’t that the way with grief? It comes up at the most seemingly unlikely of times. It hadn’t even been on my radar and then BOOM, there it was, over and over and over again.

I’ve asked for this. I’ve asked Source and my higher self to help clear out anything no longer serving me. I ask for it every time I shower. I ask the water to heal me and cleanse me of any energy or way of being that is no longer serving my highest good. Enter in emotions that have been stored deep within me being brought to the surface and into my conscious awareness to be healed once and for all. The things that have been coming up have caught me a bit off guard. It’s been from patients in the hospital who died on comfort care during my time of taking care of them. It’s come up for the loss of my father-in-law as his birthday just passed. It’s come up today for the grief I feel as a mother of a child who is growing and changing right in front of my eyes.

I have felt like my grief is sitting in my chest in a conglomerate of sorts, all jumbled up together in a ball of burnt, shredded and dismantled rubber from a tire that has blown out on a highway. It’s all there, melted together. Actual deaths and suicides of friends and family. Figurative deaths of my marriage, of my old self who processed everything as best she could at the time, the loss I feel from each year that my son grows and morphs into his next round of humanness. Relationships come and gone. Jobs come and gone. Places come and gone. Some things hit harder than others, even in my new understanding and beliefs of how this all works and the fact that I don’t believe any soul ever ‘dies’.

My experience and grief is relative. I do not mean to downplay or gloss over other kinds of grief by expressing my own experiences. I left the grocery store today in tears about my son’s growth, recorded a video about it, and then learned that a friend suffered a miscarriage. It only further reiterated the fragile nature of life and the importance of our appreciation and presence in all of the moments.

My grief was pushed down and avoided when I went to work or school and was trying to function in the world as I felt like crying, but put a smile on instead. When my sadness overcame me in the form of depression and wishing for death, I still had to find a way to live in the world. That dichotomy consumed me at times. The mask I wore nearly suffocated me. Can you relate?

I almost did that today. In fact, I suppose I did do that at the register as I watched the two young boys in front of me and awaited my turn to check out and pay. I dared not completely lose it and breakdown right then and there as I waited to pay. I saved that for a few moments later for when I expressed my gratitude to the Mom that I had remained in line behind her and her children after she had told me I could go ahead of her. I cried. I cried as I spoke of my son and his crocs and the fact that he was now nearly my size, and the fact that the time had moved so fast. I cried on my way to my car, got to my car and cried some more. I know from experience that this wasn’t only about my son. This was just a path of least resistance to have me open up and release years of grief stored within me. Tears have the power to cleanse us. Tears have the power to heal us, yet often, we hold them back.

I found myself basking in the ever present fleeting nature of this life, all the moments, and all the people who have crossed my path. I recorded this video in that moment. THIS is why I live the way I do. I have taken care of a patient in their 20’s on comfort care with AIDS, surrounded by their twin and rest of their family during their final moments of life. I witnessed and stored the pain felt by their family within my body. I nearly lost my own life with a baby at home depending on me for nourishment and love. While I am aware of my infinite, spiritual nature, I also know that in this body, in this time and space, I only have one shot to make the most of it. My pain has fueled my passion. My heartache has fueled my love. I would not be who I am without every single experience of my life, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I don’t know how else to say it. Please allow other people’s stories to impact yours. Please snap out of the sleep you’re in and start living life to the fullest. Please enjoy the small moments, because they are in fact, the most important moments of our lives.

It’s a choice to follow your passion or go along with the status quo. It’s a choice to remain asleep in victim consciousness or to wake up to your full power as a co-creator in this life. It is a choice whether or not to remain present during all of your moments or to check out.

In my life so far, I have lived both ways. I have seen how feeling like a victim affected my life and I am a witness daily to the way that realizing my power to shape my reality has positively transformed my life. I know what I will continue to choose.

I will choose growth, expansion, and healing. I will choose placing my priority on my energetic vibration and my alignment with my higher self. I will choose to listen to a nudge from my intuition over the loud voices of the people and institutions surrounding me. I was asleep and desperately trying to numb my feelings and the energy of those around me for most of my life, and I will not go back to that way of being.

I will do my best to continue to do the real ‘adulting’ in this life which I believe is to say that I will do my best to feel my feelings in the moment. I have learned that when I feel feelings as they arise, they are much easier to handle and process. I have learned that feeling my feelings now means that I won’t store them in my body to process later or to have them surface as dis-ease or pain at a later date. I know that our feelings can overwhelm us. I understand why we’d oftentimes prefer to shut them off entirely. But what I have found is that those old feelings will hold us back in life until we feel and heal them once and for all. After all, energy is never destroyed, it is merely transformed. Unfelt feelings and trauma not dealt with only lead to pain, dis-ease, and suffering later in life.

I have learned that when I show up fully in my life, that my challenges stop creating stigma and start being a path for deeper connection and understanding with other humans. When I choose to open up in full authenticity and vulnerability, I find others who have had similar experiences to mine. I also find that giving myself the permission and space to open up gives others that same space and freedom. Everything starts with us and creates ripple effects outward. I think what we all really need is just the reminder that we are never alone in our struggles. That there are common threads that connect us all. Remember that we never know what someone is going through, so it’s critical that we treat people kindly, always. Remember to treat yourself kindly as well. This life isn’t a rehearsal. Are you present in your moments? Are you doing what you came here to do?

Thank you for being here on this journey with me. When I started this blog in 2017, I could have never known the freedom that it would give me to show up fully in my life. Writing here has helped me remove the compartments that I used to sort the various areas of my life into.

If you liked this post, please like and share it. In that way, we can create further ripple effects. Feel free to follow me on IG and/or FB for more content. I will be posting the video I recorded there as it won’t upload here. Sending you much love!

Let’s Erase the Stigma of Mental Health

Seriously. No one should feel bad or ashamed, because they go to a therapist. We need to erase the stigma surrounding mental health in this country.

When I was battling severe depression, it was doubly exhausting to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as I felt the need to hide my issues from others. Anyone with depression knows, it zaps your energy enough to then put so much into keeping it all a secret. But at the time, it felt necessary for me. I felt ashamed and less than because I was struggling with a sadness so severe that I could barely function. It made me have an anxiety attack once just to go and talk casually with a potential new employer about work I really wanted to do for them, because the thought of having to be ‘on’ and ‘sell myself’ was THAT overwhelming. It was also no fun to be on the verge of tears literally all the time, yet still have to go to work and hold them back. I avoided talking to people. I avoided phone calls. I avoided as much life as I possibly could. I always worried that my secret would be found out, which at the time terrified me. I felt like I was broken.

Just taking the steps to find my first therapist was daunting. But that step ended up being crucial to turning things around. I went to someone who had me try loads of natural supplements and even a SAD light as I was living in a rainy, gray Oregon winter at the time. When none of those worked, we moved onto medications. First Prozac which helped me immensely at the time. Then there became a need for less side effects, so I saw a psychiatrist to have my meds adjusted. Moved onto Wellbutrin. Then eventually landed on Lexapro. The names of medications don’t really matter, because they’re what I needed at the time. I write this for anyone else who has struggled with depression and has taken multiple medications before finding the ‘right’ one. There was a time when I thought I’d be taking Lexapro indefinitely, because of how my doctors believed my Lyme Disease was affecting me.

You are not alone. Many of us deal with mental illness and most don’t talk about it. I’ve been able to move past my years of depression, with appreciation that I’ve experienced such lows in my life. Those things we’re most ashamed of tend to connect us the most deeply with our fellow humans. This human life can be really difficult. We aren’t taught positive ways to cope, so we end up getting completely overwhelmed when challenges inevitably arise. If you’re like me, then you may relate to the fact that I used to internalize everything happening around me as something that was my fault. As a child growing up in a tense household, I took all of the negative energy on as my own and it was the start of my depression. I felt confused, alone, and unlovable.

It is my hope that in sharing, I can help remove the stigma for just one person currently being challenged by mental illness. You are not alone. Do not be ashamed of needing to see a therapist. It’s brave of you to take that step and you should be proud of yourself for recognizing when you need help and asking for it. I know none of it is easy for you.

Know that many therapists will offer a sliding scale if you lack insurance that covers it. Don’t let money stop you. There are ways. If you’re a student, check in with your school. One of the best counselors I ever went to was at the community college I attended for nursing school. She was in training, but she was the best for offering practical and positive ways to cope with my stressors at the time, which was my health crisis.

Know too that you might not find the ‘right’ therapist for you on the first try. I have been to several and they are not all the same. I’ve had some that were a good fit and some that were a terrible fit. I was once so overwhelmed with life that I asked my therapist directly for positive coping mechanisms to get me through the stress I was feeling. She didn’t offer me any that day, and I never went back to her again. You know yourself better than anyone. If you’re not having a good experience with your therapist, trust yourself and find a new one. Of course be mindful that you’re not just sabotaging it, because you never wanted to go in the first place. But your therapist should help you feel better overall, and you should feel safe and heard.

Pay attention to your intuition or repeating messages. Is a particular office calling to you? Do people around you keep mentioning the name of the SAME therapist to you? Do you keep seeing an advertisement for a particular therapist over and over? Follow those leads, because your higher self is guiding you. Trust it.

Thank you for reading! If you like this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG and Facebook for more positive content and perspective on life. Much love!