Trauma

An event is traumatic, because it causes us to decide something about ourselves or about life that we then create from ever after. In the moment of a traumatic event, we lock in beliefs that life then continues to prove true, since what we believe we experience. The event can cause a lot of pain and suffering in the moment, but it’s our continual reliving of the beliefs we acquired through it that truly cause us to suffer over and over again.

It is my changed perspective about myself and life that continues to shape my experience, not the original traumatic event itself. We are powerful creators, so if something makes us decide at some point at conception or beyond that we are not worthy of love, then we will create situations and relationships over and over again to prove that belief. I had that cycle repeating in my own life. Luckily, through my personal sessions of Holographic Kinetics, I was able to clear that belief at the spirit level, so I no longer have to carry it around to have it surface time and again in this life and future lives. Phew!

So much of what we come to know about ourselves and the world is taught to us within a system that places more value on our physical reality than on the fact that we are all spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. Our multidimensionality and that of the universe tends to be completely overlooked. So, a lot of spiritual information then doesn’t tend to fit neatly into the confines of what we’ve been taught our whole lives. This leads to major disconnect and feelings of dis-ease. We begin bottling up the things we think or feel that don’t fit with what we’ve been told by our families, teachers, friends, and the organizations to which we belong (Wow, organizations we belong to, think on that for a minute. I personally don’t want to ‘belong’ to any organization). We sometimes label these things as “wrong”, or have the people we open up to do it for us. The reality is that usually the discourse we feel is because our own inner knowing doesn’t match up with what we’re being told/taught. I have learned to always trust the inner knowing above everything else. We have all of the answers we seek inside of us.

The reality is that the world we live in is nothing as it seems. We have been taught to place so much importance on the outer world and things out of our control that we’ve lost sight of the fact that WE are the ones that can free and heal ourselves. To take our power back means to stop giving it away to others. We’ve got to snap out of victim-mode ASAP. There is no one else to blame if we continue to relive our traumas and not do the work to get out of the cycle of similarity we’ve become trapped in by our own beliefs. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am saying it’s necessary if we want to finally start listening to the nudges of our spirits and break free from old patterns and programming, so that we can get on with living our best lives.

I have done a lot of inner work. I keep being guided deeper and deeper to clear more and more from my past. We are so powerful that we can set intentions and tell our spirits what we want, and then notice that we will be guided to the people, situations, and resources to help us. How many of you set an intention to level up and/or clear out what was no longer serving you and have experienced people and situations clearing out of your life in record speeds this year? We asked for all of it. Right now, I am being urged to drive several hours away to the nearest practitioner to have another Holographic Kinetics session. As I’ve cleared issues on my own, and through HK, other issues have moved to the surface as the next important parts in need of healing. Remember, the growth and healing doesn’t stop until we die. But, in my own experience, it does stop feeling so severe, because I can more easily recognize what is happening. If you are being guided to a specific type of healing, I urge you to follow it. When I have done that, I have found another piece of the puzzle that helped me on my path back to my innate well-being.

Several years ago, I was sick of being depressed. I wasn’t actively depressed when I decided this, but I was suffering greatly. My thoughts about my situation were primarily negative and I felt stuck in a life that I didn’t feel I had chosen for myself. As I dug myself out of those beliefs, I began to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I realized that it wasn’t really my outer experience causing me to suffer, but my belief about it! This was huge! I remember getting very annoyed with a woman I worked with for a time when she’d say that things were the way they were supposed to be, because that’s what was happening. How easy is it to think that everything is happening for a reason when we’re enjoying life?! Not so much, it seems, when we’re unhappy with our lives. But, it’s important to realize that we can’t think that things are happening as they are meant to in some cases AND believe that we’re victims of circumstance in others. It doesn’t work that way. Because there is so much more to this life, we do not always consciously know what energy is being balanced out by a situation, or what lessons a person’s spirit is wanting them to learn. We’ve got to stay in our own lanes of being and focus on our own growth.

That being said, we are often stuck in time and repeating cycles of similarity. One way to work through this is to become aware of the dynamic happening and then ask ourselves what our role in it has been. When we take responsibility for our lives in this way, positive shifts happen because we take back our power. Standing in our own power and our own innate sense of knowing moves us towards alignment with our own spirit. An example in my own life is that it doesn’t serve my highest good to complain about a past relationship with a narcissist. Even labeling the person that way isn’t helpful for me, though it is helpful in reaching the people who need this message. What helps me is to see the role I played in that relationship. What led me to it? I fully recognize that I knowingly gave up my power at the start of it. I had been in a relationship where I made so many of the decisions and I was tired of it. I was excited to spend time with someone who liked to plan our time together. Suddenly, I wasn’t the one planning all of the hikes. It felt like a relief to not make the decisions for a while. But then that led into giving my power away about other things. Next thing I knew, I no longer felt in control of my own life. But it started with ME. Realizing that has allowed me to become aware of and see the parts of me that were drawn to that relationship. I’ve then been able to work towards a much deeper level of healing from that place of awareness.

As much as we like to think that we know where an issue originated, in my sessions of Holographic Kinetics, I have been shown time and again that often, we are not actually consciously aware of the cause. Many times, a trauma in childhood merely activates an issue that spirit has been carrying through from lifetimes ago. Or, from a trauma that a grandfather or great grandmother locked in at the spirit level and began passing down to future generations. As we are spiritual beings first, our issues don’t always originate in this lifetime. It is our minds that will try and connect an issue to an event that we can consciously remember in an attempt to make sense of it. Sometimes, trauma happens as a result of something our parents say or do when we are in the womb, or when we are little babies less than a year old. Just the same, we lock in beliefs about ourselves or life in those moments, and begin to unconsciously create our reality from them.

In the Holographic Kinetics sessions that I do, I have witnessed a person’s spirit take them back to a point just after conception (yes, in their Mother’s womb) many times as it finds the cause of the first activation or creation of an issue in this lifetime. How is that possible? How can we be aware of anything when we have barely been conceived? It is because we are spirits first and foremost. As the aboriginal people explain it, our spirit is what is with us through this life as well as through all of our past lives. Our spirit is aware of the cause of ALL of the issues that are holding us back in this life. Holographic Kinetics allows us to communicate with our spirit and help it change the past in the present for the future.

You see, our spirits do not wish to relive the same lesson and limiting pattern over and over again. No, our spirits yearn to be free, so that they can experience the full range of creation in this life. This is why we have all been feeling so called to clear our old issues and baggage that we’ve possibly been carrying around for many lifetimes. Our spirits are guiding us to the changes we need to make in order to break free from the self-imposed/accepted limitations we’ve allowed for far too long. We can heal ourselves by listening to our spirits/higher selves/intuition. Our spirit knows what we need in order to thrive in this life. When we listen to that inner guidance/knowing, we are naturally led into alignment with our own spirit which is the place from which everything we seek is possible.

I urge you to begin to follow your intuition about everything. How do you know it’s your intuition and not your old patterns speaking? The inspired ideas you get from your spirit will leave you feeling excited. The guidance will be to things that make you feel good. In fact following your joy and what feels good to you is another way to align with your spirit. As you follow the guidance from your spirit/intuition, your ability to do so will strengthen. Over time, it will become second nature and you will come to trust it more. I have a way of asking for guidance from my own spirit that gives me answers based on the feeling I get in my body.

We all have the power to heal our trauma, so that it stops causing us to repeat the same cycles over and over. The answers to that healing really lie within each of us. We are all drawn to what we need, when we need it. I was drawn to numerous healing modalities before being pulled in a big way to Holographic Kinetics. It was all important, because it all led me to an expanded awareness and deeper healing. It’s like each thing allowed for wellness, so I’d be ready for the next level of healing. My healing didn’t happen all at once, or through only one modality. It’s as if I was being groomed to be able to wrap my head around the healing at the spirit level. I experienced such profound healing of my past wounds through Holographic Kinetics, and I continue to be amazed (not surprised) by the ways that I see it help my clients or friends afar who go to practitioners near them. I have witnessed it shift a friend out of severe suicidal thoughts and back into their previous excitement about the year to come immediately following their first Holographic Kinetics session. I will be speaking about this at a Mental Health and Mindfulness focused Visalia Talks and Wine in January, so stay tuned.

Mindfulness isn’t just about being present in our moments and grateful for what we have, it’s about developing a conscious awareness of the beliefs we have that are holding us back. In Holographic Kinetics, when we find the cause of an issue, our spirit is able to change that dimension of time, so that we break free from the beliefs about ourselves that continue to re-traumatize us through time on all levels and all dimensions.

If you’d like more information about Holographic Kinetics, email me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com. Check out my testimonials page at the top of this blog for feedback from a few of my clients. I am also happy to speak on any of the topics I cover in this blog at events or organizations who are interested in learning more. Email me with inquiries.

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Holographic Kinetics Explained

I am reposting this information from the Holographic Kinetics’ Instagram account @holographickinetics, because it speaks so clearly to the work I do as a Practitioner of Dreamtime Healing using Holographic Kinetics.

“Most people are stuck in moments of time, repeating the same program/patterns over and over, not understanding why. These patterns have an origin (a Cause), and our reaction to that Cause creates the Effect, which is where people become stuck. When a traumatic event or difficult experience occurs (Cause) we have a reaction, but instead of letting go of those emotions and thoughts that we have experienced, we hold onto them and trap energy around those thoughts and emotions, and that energy gets locked into us, spiralling inwards forming a crystal, locking into the cells of our body. This crystal of trapped energy has a frequency and is alive. As everything alive seeks survival – due to the Law of attraction – this crystal of energy (program/ frequency) will attract to its host (you) similar situations and people as the initial one that created it. Therefore we become stuck in a cycle attracting the same experience over and over all the time feeding it with our action & reaction. Until this is cleared from our cellular structure we will continue repeating the pattern.

The great thing is we are the creator of our own reality through our Actions & Reactions to events and challenges in life, therefore we can change our reality and create a new outcome for the future. Once the Cause of any issue is identified and cleared, it ceases to be and is replaced with a new outcome, created by you for the future. No longer in Action and Reaction, you are free to move forward. http://www.holographickinetics.com

Sometimes these issues can come from a past life, some can be passed down through the genetic line, and some are simply created in this lifetime. Time moves in cycles. What’s happened before will happen again, but by going back to the Cause and changing it, we can have a different outcome for the future.

The Universe does not care how long it takes you to evolve, it only waits for you to understand your own creation and learn the lesson. We are responsible for our thoughts, words, deeds, and actions. Some people are not ready to take responsibility for their creations, and want somebody else to do it for them, to heal them, but only a creator can change their creation, and empowerment lies in realizing and understanding you are in control of your reality. How exciting to not be manipulated by others, or allow others to disempower you from creating your future, your life, your experiences, you are back in control of you.

The first law of the Laws of LORE is Intent. If you are ready and willing to look at your creations and take responsibility, then Dreamtime Healing using Holographic Kinetics can assist you to access the Cause of any issue, so you can change your future. “Nothing has to be the way it was.” Copyrighted Steve Richards, Founder of Holographic Kinetics. http://www.holographickinetics.com. Contact steve@holographickinetics.com for inquiries for practitioners near you and for next course dates in your country/state area.”

Reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com if you’re interested in having a Holographic Kinetics session with me. I’d be happy to set up a FREE 15-minute phone consultation with you if you have questions you’d like to ask prior to scheduling a session.

Thanks for reading along! If you liked this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG and FB for more uplifting content. Sending you all so much love!

Emotions vs. Physical Pain

For those of us who are very sensitive and feel the energy of everyone and everything around us (many people here right now), it can be really easy to get swept up in it all and lose ourselves. We grow up looking to the people around us for ways to cope with emotions, to cope with life. Many of their coping mechanisms were not healthy for them, therefore many of the coping mechanisms we learned are not healthy for us.

I had a friend tell me that it is easier to deal with physical pain than it is to feel their emotions. They hit the nail on the head, because they had learned early on to stuff their emotions deep down and just deal with them as the physical pain that they manifested as in their body. It shows how intense emotions can be for some of us. So intense that we’d rather experience the physical pain. Have you noticed this truth for yourself? Do you find that physical pain is easier to deal with than your emotions? Can you see how that belief causes you to push down your emotions while you create physical pain in your body? Yes, our thoughts and beliefs are THAT powerful.

I was in the same boat for most of my life. I coped with my emotional pain by stuffing them down. I felt EVERYTHING, and when it meant tension of parents who were usually fighting or not talking, I chose to live my life as small as possible to try and reduce the number of waves in the house. Did it work? No. I didn’t have the power to change the interpersonal dynamics happening around me. The waves were still there. I still felt everything and then on top of it, held myself back from activities that I knew would create issues. I got quiet and held in all of my confused emotions of fear, sadness, and anger about the situation in my house. I was there as a confidant to my Mom, because I began to feel that when others around me, especially my Mom, were OK around me, that I was OK. Otherwise I felt far from OK. This pattern has continued throughout my life. I realized during my own Holographic Kinetics sessions that my ability to feel all of the energy around me made me prone to take it on as my own, adjust my own being to not add to its ‘negative’ feeling nature, and to place more importance on how people around me were feeling rather than on how I was feeling. As you can imagine because you’re human too, learning to put my own needs last ended up being detrimental to my health. I struggled with depression for many years, and later had a mystery illness attack my heart. Take it from me, it’s extremely important that we put ourselves and our needs FIRST. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.

After talking with my friend about it being easier to feel physical pain vs emotions, my ankle pain popped into my head. I remember most evenings sitting with my family in the living room watching TV as I cried and rubbed my sore ankles. The pain would shoot up from my ankles, up through my shins, and into my knees. I remember in those moments, trying to remember what it felt like when my ankles were’t hurting. I would just sit and wish that they weren’t hurting. My Mom would give me ibuprofen, which would help. I hated taking pills. I had so much trouble swallowing them.  I used to think that it was the shoes I was wearing, or the structure of my feet. But last week, I hiked in sandals not meant for hiking, or even walking long distances really. I hiked up and over granite boulders, through meadows, and over gravel and dirt, and I didn’t have ANY ankle pain AT ALL (or knee, or shin pain etc)! I can see how everything lined up to have me connect these dots right now. I was so concerned about my ankle pain that when I went to Alaska after college for an internship, I wondered if I would end up being in a lot of pain. I wasn’t, but my mind told me that it was because I was wearing good hiking boots that supported my feet well, and that I wasn’t walking on hard pavement.

In writing this post, it became clear to me why I felt so much pain in my ankles as a child. A quick search about emotions and ankle pain revealed that my issue wasn’t physical, but emotional. I had what felt like a lack of stability in my support system. I also felt like I had the weight of the world on me, because I was unconsciously taking the blame and responsibility for the stress in my house. The weight became too much to bear, and my ankle pain was also unbearable at times. Interesting as well is that I sprained my ankles several times as a kid. I was literally feeling a lack of support in my life that was expressing itself in a lack of support in my own physical body! I learned to build my own support system. I stayed with friends a lot. In high school, I had a really great boyfriend with a family who supported and encouraged me. Looking back, as he went off to college during my senior year of high school, my self-created support system was shaken, and I sprained my ankle pretty severely the week or so before school started and he left to go out of state for college. Now I can see how it all fits together, and it makes so much sense. I had trouble feeling and coping with my big emotions and the situation around me, so it all showed up as physical ailments. As it turns out, the fact that I have become my own support system and have learned to feel my feelings is all that I needed to ‘cure’ my ankle problems. Also, I have an AMAZING support system made of family and dear friends. Are you allowing yourself to feel your own emotions? Are they showing up as physical pain in your body? Are you taking on pain and stress from people around you?

It has taken me the better part of 40 years to learn the real secret. That emotions, like everything else in this life, are fleeting and that the best way to handle them is to feel them when they arise. It has taken lots of practice to not stuff my emotions down. This can mean that I allow myself to cry at apparently inopportune times like when I’m processing big shifts and the emotion wells up in me like a tidal wave and the tears begin to stream down my cheeks at my favorite coffee shop. How many times have you held back tears? Why? I’ve held them back at work before like when I was working in the hospital and had a lot going on in my personal life, which feels appropriate except that I even held back in the break room away from patients, families, and coworkers. We have been taught that feeling our emotions and god forbid expressing them outwardly makes us weak, even more so for men who are taught from a young age that they need to be strong and keep going through their hardships without stopping to feel, to cry. Ironically, as more and more people allow themselves to feel and express their emotions as they arise, we are going to create a world community that is stronger than ever. Emotions are real life, they aren’t weak. I see so much strength in the face of a man who has tears flowing down his face. I know that he is fighting against the norm of what he’s been taught to do his whole life. And wow do I think it’s really fucking beautiful! I feel so incredibly grateful for the men in my life who have felt safe enough with me to express the full range of their emotions in front of me. We all need you to keep feeling and releasing.

Several years ago, as I had a big relationship/friendship end just before my dog of 14 years died, I thought that I would spiral into a severe depression. Honestly, the relationship had been over for some time by this point, so I had already prepared myself for it’s end. But nothing can really prepare a person for their dog dying. That pain was intense to say the least and I am still so grateful that a dear friend of mine offered to drive me to and from the veterinarian. It would not have been safe for me to drive myself. I left that office completely beside myself. I cried for the better part of two days straight. I called into work sick for two days and I don’t regret it one bit. It is VITALLY important for us to recognize these moments in our lives when we need to make space for ourselves to feel the full range of our emotions and to release them through a river of tears. No person, situation, or job is more important for us than giving ourselves that kind of love and space to feel how we feel in the moment. It is always better to let other people down than to let yourself down. Send a strong message to your body mind spirit, and Source that YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You can do this by taking good care of yourself.

At this point in my life, feeling my emotions as I have them has become MUCH more appealing to me than having pain in my physical body. It is natural that when we’re children, we experience things as trauma, both large and small events, because everything feels so big and important to us. We get overwhelmed easily and make up stories about what we’re experiencing, and so we stuff down our emotions and forget about the traumas that created them.  I have also learned how to separate my energy out from other’s energy, which prevents me from getting so overwhelmed by the energy circulating outside of myself. Working as an RN in the hospital really enabled me to hone that skill, because I was surrounded by so many varying sources of energy.

We’ve done ourselves a disservice because we’ve got a country full of people who are numbing their feelings with drugs, alcohol, other people, sugar, gossip, screen time, work etc. People have more dis-ease and more chronic pain. And we’ve been taught that the way to move beyond our dis-ease and pain is to seek solutions outside of ourselves. While western medicine does have its place, start viewing your body as a messenger. Get quiet and start tuning into the wisdom of your own body as you’re trying to get answers about the way things are physically manifesting. What stressors are you currently dealing with? Have you been ignoring your intuition about something? Are you feeling a lot of fear, anger, guilt? What food are you feeding your body and mind? Are the things/people/situations you’re allowing into your life lifting you up or tearing you down? If you answered with the latter, consider it spring cleaning time in July and ruthlessly clear out the things that are no longer serving your highest good. Set the intention and watch as people and situations clear out of your life with hardly an effort. You have a choice on what you are allowing in your life. You are not a powerless victim. Realize your power to change your life at any time. Will it feel scary at times? Yes. But will it also feel exciting? Yes. Are those two emotions easily parsed out? No, so choose to reframe your feelings as excitement rather than fear. This is where the adventure begins. Get excited about all of the things that can go right! Get excited that your future can look completely different from your past.

I have seen the cause and/or activation of issues for myself and others be traced back to childhood, the womb, at conception, past lives, or within the genetic line through my sessions in Holographic Kinetics. Our subconscious mind can lock in beliefs about ourselves and life that we then create from over and over. Our thoughts literally create our reality. Trauma from past lives as well as from distant family members can be passed down repeatedly until someone takes the time to clear and heal it. If you’ve been doing a lot of inner work, but you still feel like you have things holding you back that you can’t quite put a finger on, consider having an in-person Holographic Kinetics session with me. You can read more about Holographic Kinetics at http://www.holographickinetics.com. Feel free to reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com for more information.

Thank you for reading along. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Sending you all so much love!

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Fleeting Moments

Grief. It’s a tricky thing. I didn’t realize how much grief I had stored in my body until recently when I went and saw the movie “Five Feet Apart”, followed by crying at Rob Bell’s ‘An Introduction of Joy’, an amazing purging of emotions during a craniosacral therapy session, and followed today by nearly bursting into tears as I watched a little three-year-old boy in front of me in line at the grocery store. Isn’t that the way with grief? It comes up at the most seemingly unlikely of times. It hadn’t even been on my radar and then BOOM, there it was, over and over and over again.

I’ve asked for this. I’ve asked Source and my higher self to help clear out anything no longer serving me. I ask for it every time I shower. I ask the water to heal me and cleanse me of any energy or way of being that is no longer serving my highest good. Enter in emotions that have been stored deep within me being brought to the surface and into my conscious awareness to be healed once and for all. The things that have been coming up have caught me a bit off guard. It’s been from patients in the hospital who died on comfort care during my time of taking care of them. It’s come up for the loss of my father-in-law as his birthday just passed. It’s come up today for the grief I feel as a mother of a child who is growing and changing right in front of my eyes.

I have felt like my grief is sitting in my chest in a conglomerate of sorts, all jumbled up together in a ball of burnt, shredded and dismantled rubber from a tire that has blown out on a highway. It’s all there, melted together. Actual deaths and suicides of friends and family. Figurative deaths of my marriage, of my old self who processed everything as best she could at the time, the loss I feel from each year that my son grows and morphs into his next round of humanness. Relationships come and gone. Jobs come and gone. Places come and gone. Some things hit harder than others, even in my new understanding and beliefs of how this all works and the fact that I don’t believe any soul ever ‘dies’.

My experience and grief is relative. I do not mean to downplay or gloss over other kinds of grief by expressing my own experiences. I left the grocery store today in tears about my son’s growth, recorded a video about it, and then learned that a friend suffered a miscarriage. It only further reiterated the fragile nature of life and the importance of our appreciation and presence in all of the moments.

My grief was pushed down and avoided when I went to work or school and was trying to function in the world as I felt like crying, but put a smile on instead. When my sadness overcame me in the form of depression and wishing for death, I still had to find a way to live in the world. That dichotomy consumed me at times. The mask I wore nearly suffocated me. Can you relate?

I almost did that today. In fact, I suppose I did do that at the register as I watched the two young boys in front of me and awaited my turn to check out and pay. I dared not completely lose it and breakdown right then and there as I waited to pay. I saved that for a few moments later for when I expressed my gratitude to the Mom that I had remained in line behind her and her children after she had told me I could go ahead of her. I cried. I cried as I spoke of my son and his crocs and the fact that he was now nearly my size, and the fact that the time had moved so fast. I cried on my way to my car, got to my car and cried some more. I know from experience that this wasn’t only about my son. This was just a path of least resistance to have me open up and release years of grief stored within me. Tears have the power to cleanse us. Tears have the power to heal us, yet often, we hold them back.

I found myself basking in the ever present fleeting nature of this life, all the moments, and all the people who have crossed my path. I recorded this video in that moment. THIS is why I live the way I do. I have taken care of a patient in their 20’s on comfort care with AIDS, surrounded by their twin and rest of their family during their final moments of life. I witnessed and stored the pain felt by their family within my body. I nearly lost my own life with a baby at home depending on me for nourishment and love. While I am aware of my infinite, spiritual nature, I also know that in this body, in this time and space, I only have one shot to make the most of it. My pain has fueled my passion. My heartache has fueled my love. I would not be who I am without every single experience of my life, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I don’t know how else to say it. Please allow other people’s stories to impact yours. Please snap out of the sleep you’re in and start living life to the fullest. Please enjoy the small moments, because they are in fact, the most important moments of our lives.

It’s a choice to follow your passion or go along with the status quo. It’s a choice to remain asleep in victim consciousness or to wake up to your full power as a co-creator in this life. It is a choice whether or not to remain present during all of your moments or to check out.

In my life so far, I have lived both ways. I have seen how feeling like a victim affected my life and I am a witness daily to the way that realizing my power to shape my reality has positively transformed my life. I know what I will continue to choose.

I will choose growth, expansion, and healing. I will choose placing my priority on my energetic vibration and my alignment with my higher self. I will choose to listen to a nudge from my intuition over the loud voices of the people and institutions surrounding me. I was asleep and desperately trying to numb my feelings and the energy of those around me for most of my life, and I will not go back to that way of being.

I will do my best to continue to do the real ‘adulting’ in this life which I believe is to say that I will do my best to feel my feelings in the moment. I have learned that when I feel feelings as they arise, they are much easier to handle and process. I have learned that feeling my feelings now means that I won’t store them in my body to process later or to have them surface as dis-ease or pain at a later date. I know that our feelings can overwhelm us. I understand why we’d oftentimes prefer to shut them off entirely. But what I have found is that those old feelings will hold us back in life until we feel and heal them once and for all. After all, energy is never destroyed, it is merely transformed. Unfelt feelings and trauma not dealt with only lead to pain, dis-ease, and suffering later in life.

I have learned that when I show up fully in my life, that my challenges stop creating stigma and start being a path for deeper connection and understanding with other humans. When I choose to open up in full authenticity and vulnerability, I find others who have had similar experiences to mine. I also find that giving myself the permission and space to open up gives others that same space and freedom. Everything starts with us and creates ripple effects outward. I think what we all really need is just the reminder that we are never alone in our struggles. That there are common threads that connect us all. Remember that we never know what someone is going through, so it’s critical that we treat people kindly, always. Remember to treat yourself kindly as well. This life isn’t a rehearsal. Are you present in your moments? Are you doing what you came here to do?

Thank you for being here on this journey with me. When I started this blog in 2017, I could have never known the freedom that it would give me to show up fully in my life. Writing here has helped me remove the compartments that I used to sort the various areas of my life into.

If you liked this post, please like and share it. In that way, we can create further ripple effects. Feel free to follow me on IG and/or FB for more content. I will be posting the video I recorded there as it won’t upload here. Sending you much love!

Let’s Erase the Stigma of Mental Health

Seriously. No one should feel bad or ashamed, because they go to a therapist. We need to erase the stigma surrounding mental health in this country.

When I was battling severe depression, it was doubly exhausting to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as I felt the need to hide my issues from others. Anyone with depression knows, it zaps your energy enough to then put so much into keeping it all a secret. But at the time, it felt necessary for me. I felt ashamed and less than because I was struggling with a sadness so severe that I could barely function. It made me have an anxiety attack once just to go and talk casually with a potential new employer about work I really wanted to do for them, because the thought of having to be ‘on’ and ‘sell myself’ was THAT overwhelming. It was also no fun to be on the verge of tears literally all the time, yet still have to go to work and hold them back. I avoided talking to people. I avoided phone calls. I avoided as much life as I possibly could. I always worried that my secret would be found out, which at the time terrified me. I felt like I was broken.

Just taking the steps to find my first therapist was daunting. But that step ended up being crucial to turning things around. I went to someone who had me try loads of natural supplements and even a SAD light as I was living in a rainy, gray Oregon winter at the time. When none of those worked, we moved onto medications. First Prozac which helped me immensely at the time. Then there became a need for less side effects, so I saw a psychiatrist to have my meds adjusted. Moved onto Wellbutrin. Then eventually landed on Lexapro. The names of medications don’t really matter, because they’re what I needed at the time. I write this for anyone else who has struggled with depression and has taken multiple medications before finding the ‘right’ one. There was a time when I thought I’d be taking Lexapro indefinitely, because of how my doctors believed my Lyme Disease was affecting me.

You are not alone. Many of us deal with mental illness and most don’t talk about it. I’ve been able to move past my years of depression, with appreciation that I’ve experienced such lows in my life. Those things we’re most ashamed of tend to connect us the most deeply with our fellow humans. This human life can be really difficult. We aren’t taught positive ways to cope, so we end up getting completely overwhelmed when challenges inevitably arise. If you’re like me, then you may relate to the fact that I used to internalize everything happening around me as something that was my fault. As a child growing up in a tense household, I took all of the negative energy on as my own and it was the start of my depression. I felt confused, alone, and unlovable.

It is my hope that in sharing, I can help remove the stigma for just one person currently being challenged by mental illness. You are not alone. Do not be ashamed of needing to see a therapist. It’s brave of you to take that step and you should be proud of yourself for recognizing when you need help and asking for it. I know none of it is easy for you.

Know that many therapists will offer a sliding scale if you lack insurance that covers it. Don’t let money stop you. There are ways. If you’re a student, check in with your school. One of the best counselors I ever went to was at the community college I attended for nursing school. She was in training, but she was the best for offering practical and positive ways to cope with my stressors at the time, which was my health crisis.

Know too that you might not find the ‘right’ therapist for you on the first try. I have been to several and they are not all the same. I’ve had some that were a good fit and some that were a terrible fit. I was once so overwhelmed with life that I asked my therapist directly for positive coping mechanisms to get me through the stress I was feeling. She didn’t offer me any that day, and I never went back to her again. You know yourself better than anyone. If you’re not having a good experience with your therapist, trust yourself and find a new one. Of course be mindful that you’re not just sabotaging it, because you never wanted to go in the first place. But your therapist should help you feel better overall, and you should feel safe and heard.

Pay attention to your intuition or repeating messages. Is a particular office calling to you? Do people around you keep mentioning the name of the SAME therapist to you? Do you keep seeing an advertisement for a particular therapist over and over? Follow those leads, because your higher self is guiding you. Trust it.

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Why I Meditate

I began meditating in 2015. By this time, I had been through my health scare, divorce, and had been working as a Registered Nurse in the hospital for over 2 years. I had heard about meditation for years before I actually took note and put it into practice. In 2015, I partook in a “Simple Shift” group hosted by my Homeopath and friend, Torey Ivanic, that was made up of a group of women who were ready to create big change in our lives by shifting in some, small way. The “simple shift” I chose to commit to during this group was meditation. I downloaded the app, Insight Timer, on my phone, which kept track of my progress. I started with 5 minutes a day. Honestly, I’d do 2 minutes some days, 5 minutes others. Then, just after the group ended, I hit a very stressful time in my life.

I was struggling and needed a way to turn off the spiral of thoughts whirring through my mind about the situation. So I began meditating often as a way to positively cope with the turmoil I was experiencing. As I would feel the anxiety well up in me, I’d set the timer on my phone and meditate. I based it around my life, so if I had 5 minutes to spare, I’d meditate for 5 minutes. If I had more time in that moment, I’d set the timer for 15 minutes. Each time I felt myself get overwhelmed with emotions, I’d meditate. When the hamsters in my head would start running in their wheels, I’d meditate. When I felt panic rush in and tighten my chest, I’d meditate. I remember sitting in the cemetery next to the bench that marks the spot where one of my best friends from high school is buried, and I found myself talking to him in the rain, crying, and meditating. I clung to meditation like a life raft. I meditated, because I didn’t know what else to do.

These moments spent in meditation worked as a reset button for my system. I was able to reset myself and breathe. In those days, I didn’t notice a big difference. But it acted as a break from my thoughts and emotions. The break is what snapped me out of my head. It got me through that time with a lot of sanity and clarity. By the end of this 2-week period, I was able to get a sense of a big picture purpose of what was happening. I spoke about it with words that did not feel from me, but more through me. I was then gifted with the most peace I had ever experienced in my entire life. It lasted a week, and during that time I felt so at ease with EVERYTHING in my life. I felt so much love and compassion for myself and everyone else. I realize now that that level of peace is available to all of us when we place priority on our healing and aligning ourselves with our souls.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I didn’t simply gain a week of peace during that time. I also gained the awareness that it was that level of peace that I wanted to feel in my life, all the time. It gave me a contrast to compare everything against. To this day, when a person or situation is causing me to lose my inner peace, I make the needed adjustments, because for me, my inner peace comes FIRST.

This was all just the beginning for me. Last year, after I had taken my leap of faith out of my Registered Nursing job in the hospital when it began affecting my health negatively, and had gotten back from traveling to Australia and Hawaii, I got more serious about meditating again. I was in a time where I was ready to go full force with my business, but I also had to trust that the people who needed the Intuitive Reiki and Joy Coaching with me would come in divine time. I set the intention and began meditating every morning for 25 minutes while also treating myself with Reiki. This consistent practice completely changed my game. I began to have and continue to have so many inspired ideas that led to inspired action that led to so many good things in my life. For instance, it became an important aim of mine to be part of a thriving community of healers and artists, and then I got the idea to create a “Healing Arts” basket for a raffle for the Center of Spiritual Living for their annual fundraiser, which naturally connected me with local healers and artists. There was also the inspired ideas of participating in the fundraiser “Over the Edge” for The Source LGBT+ Center’s annual fundraiser and offering free Reiki sessions every week at The Source which led to me being more connected to the LGBT+ community here which has led me to amazing friendships and more of my tribe! Reaching out to the amazing author, Scott Stabile, about how much I loved his book and would like to have him come to my town to host a workshop was also an inspired idea that I took action on, and it all lined up so effortlessly after that! Scott hosted one of his workshops, “Writing Yourself” here in January!

There’s a reason why so many people urge us to meditate. It works. Deepak Chopra has written MANY books, and you want to know his biggest piece of advice for people? Meditate! I know what you’re thinking, you can’t meditate. You can’t get your brain to slow down long enough to meditate. You don’t have time to meditate. I can assure you that if you had time to read this post about meditating that you have time to meditate. You’re just choosing to use your time in other ways. My life has been a bit of a surrender experiment in the last year. Things I couldn’t have planned for have shown up. Awesome things have shown up. I would say that I owe a lot of that, if not all, to meditation. Meditation has allowed me to align with my soul, my higher self, in a more powerful way than ever before. Following my intuition about everything in my life, right down to what I eat, has further strengthened my intuition, which is also what leads to amazing things. I am so happy to say that I will be teaching kids mindfulness and meditation this summer through Parks and Recreation. I am so excited to share the exercises I’ve used to help teach kids positive ways to cope with life. It is my vision that by teaching kids positive coping mechanisms, they will be able to use them throughout their lives to combat peer pressure, to decrease the rates of teen pregnancy, to decrease addiction, and to decrease the rates of suicide. I love working with kids so much, and pediatrics continues to be the unit of the hospital that I miss working on the most, so I am really looking forward to this new adventure!

I can’t tell you how many times I have been called magic in the last year, the last 8 months especially. I look for magic, I expect magic daily, because I’ve witnessed magic every day. I am aligned with my soul, my higher self. I am following my soul’s path completely which places all kinds of amazing synchronicities on my path. I am human like you, and I got here by trudging through a lot of shit. I did not get here through ease and comfort. I walked through fire to ultimately have my soul set free. When I noticed that my thoughts about myself and my life weren’t serving me well, I worked to adopt new thoughts. I’ve listen to meditations to reprogram my subconscious mind. I’ve followed my intuition to the healing modalities that called to me and the foods that my body was craving. I used journaling. I used positive affirmations. I have a daily gratitude practice. I didn’t grow up knowing about positive ways to cope with life, so I sought them when I needed them. Instead of stressing and ‘grinding’, I learned the importance of quieting my mind through meditation and time spent in nature.

Through the journey I have walked, I have been gifted with the knowledge that our health is our greatest asset, that living in joy is what we are here to do, and that inner peace is the real ‘success’ that we should be working to achieve in this life. I did not come from peace, but I now have more peace than I ever have before. I got tired of suffering. I got tired of playing a victim, so I got serious about finding a way to change my view of the world. I adjusted my priorities. I choose to place my focus on my peace and happiness every day, because I see now how that ripples out from my life into other people’s lives. I choose to prioritize doing things that raise my energy and cause me to vibrate at a higher frequency. When we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, we are able to love others unconditionally. Also in my experience, when I learned to love another unconditionally as I saw their life with empathy and compassion, I loved myself even deeper in return.

Many of the practices I have had great results with are simple and available to anyone who decides to place priority on their own healing. If you struggle to quiet your mind or lead a very stressful life, I urge you to take up daily meditation. It can be as simple as setting a timer for 5 minutes and sitting in a quiet space where you won’t be interrupted while you focus on your breath. You might feel resistance to it, I think that’s pretty common. It was for me. But just keep being consistent with it, and eventually, you’ll notice shifts. I lead guided meditations every first and third Wednesday of every month, so if you’re local, reach out to me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com. We have meditation happening tonight on the Super Full Moon from 6 to 7 pm. Everyone is welcome.

Meditation is a simple shift we can all make towards our wellness. It’s free. It’s easy. We can do it alone or with a group. We can meditate inside or outside. If you’re finding yourself not satisfied with the way your life has been going, try meditating. What do you have to lose?

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Are You Giving Your Power Away?

“Life is much too short to continue to wait for someone else’s permission to fully live.”

Often we don’t realize we’re doing it, waiting for permission that is, but many of us are. Who are you giving your power away to?

Your parents? The ones who think that you should follow the status quo, because even after their divorce and decision to not date, they still believe that ultimate happiness for everyone lies in the house, the fence, the marriage, and the kids? When are you going to realize that you don’t have to live up to your parents’ expectations of you in order to be a fully whole and worthy human being? If your parents shoot down every idea you present to them that lights you up, stop telling them your plans. Stop asking for their opinions. Your journey is yours alone, and sometimes even your parents won’t understand you. And that’s OK.

Your kids? Maybe you’re a parent and you have Mom guilt about taking a trip alone. I know I did before I left for Western Australia in June of ‘18. Even though my son had balked at the idea of such a long flight, I still felt bad that he wasn’t going with me. But, at one point, I realized that it wasn’t right to put the burden of not following my life-long dream on my son’s shoulders. I think we wrongly do that a lot. We categorize ourselves as parents and then feel bad for anything we do outside of that role without our kids. We’re essentially feeding into the notion that our joy and self-care stops being important once our kids are born. But, if I have learned anything at all, it’s that I am a much better Mom when I have been consciously keeping my own bucket full. Our kids will be much better off if they have parents who take good care of themselves body, mind, and spirit. Our kids learn by what they see us do, not from our words, so in taking care of ourselves, we’re showing them how to take care of themselves. It’s not selfish, it’s vitally important.

Your partner? Perhaps they don’t like to do the things you want to do, and so you’ve just given up and decided that it’s easier if you just don’t do them. If you’re living that way, it’s only a matter of time before you lose yourself completely. It’s depressing to live a life in which you’re not following your joy. If your partner loves you unconditionally, then they will understand that it’s important for you to do things regularly that bring you joy. Maybe that’s not it, but you’ve been miserable for a long time and you’ve tried counseling and nothing is working. Your partner hasn’t made any effort towards making the partnership better, but then tells you they don’t want it to end. Know that you do not need their permission to leave. Know that any outsider who judges you for your feelings about your relationship has no business doing so, because they’re not in it. They can’t understand your experience, and they can’t see the dreams you hold for your life. It’s OK to let go. You don’t need anyone else’s permission but your own. I had friends offer their two cents as I was deciding on what to do about my own marriage. All it did was add to my guilt for feeling the things I felt. I stopped talking about it with other people, and ultimately made the decision that was best for me and my family. Side note: if you’re reading books titled things like “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”, it’s really time to leave. If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no. That goes for any decision in life.

Even when advice comes with good intentions, no one outside of us should hold power over us when it comes to living our best lives. Our journey is unique to us, and we’ve got to stop trying to get others to understand it before we feel comfortable enough in making decisions. We have one life to live. Make it count.

Want to work with me one on one? Check out the Work With Me tab and see if the combination of Intuitive Reiki Healing and Joy Coaching resonates with you. Feel free to email me at peacefuljellyfish@gmail.com. I love to hear from people!

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