The water carves out the rock just like our experiences carve out our perception. The other rocks can’t know what it is like to meander the way the other rocks do. Our unique reality and perception come from a collection of circumstances and events that only we have experienced. No one else will ever experience life in just the way that we have, therefore no one else will ever have the same collection of knowledge that we do. This is why it’s so important to share our stories with others, because in our living, we each unlock keys that can help others along on their own journeys.
Though we have felt it important for other people to understand us and our perception of reality, it has never been fully possible or important that they do. Our purpose to show up as ourselves supersedes any other perceived contribution that we can make in our lifetime. Because, it is our own alignment with our spirit in fully being who we came here to be that moves our own consciousness to the cutting edge of where it was before and therefore shifts the consciousness of the collective.
When we conform or stay quiet for fear of what other’s perceptions of us will be, we greatly hinder ourselves and the collective from experiencing our full potential. It is helping no one when we are quick to jump in and criticize another’s unique way of looking at life, because in trying to keep them at our level, we’re essentially holding ourselves and the collective back from fully expanding.
I am so grateful to the inspiring people I have to look up to and learn from who know much about things I do not or that I have barely scratched the surface to come to know. Those people are valuable to my life and my experience, because they push me to my edges of awareness for the benefit of expanding my consciousness. Don’t be afraid to question the main narrative or the narrative that you’ve identified with for a great number of years.
I used to think that there were certain things that people believed that could never be changed. From my own personal experience, I have learned this to be false. I limited myself by thinking that I knew the answers and knew what was “right”. Once I allowed my spirit to guide me and I asked to be shown the true nature of this world, an influx of information and knowledge has flooded into my life that has completely flipped my perception of how things work. We are never bound by our beliefs unless we choose to be. Our beliefs can cause us to completely block information out even if it is true, because our reality is always proving us correct. When you have thought something for so long that it’s turned into a belief, you essentially create a reality where you cannot perceive anything outside of that belief.
People do this with so many topics, politics being a big one. For instance, if you have locked in a belief that Trump is the enemy, you will never open your mind far enough to see that he is actually doing some amazing things right now like combating human trafficking and cutting funding to the corrupt World Health Organization (WHO). These observations are coming from someone who literally avoided listening to the man speak for most of his presidency, because of decisions I had made about him even prior to his election. There are currently over 150,000 sealed indictments which is a large, generally unheard of amount. So much is about to be exposed, it’ll make most people’s heads spin. Things are shifting in huge ways, and most people are so focused on their beliefs or the virus to even notice. Question everything, because chances are, you have some blind spots that are painting your reality with things that are actually falsities appearing as truth.
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I’m ready to heal the stories and stop pretending reality away
I’m not waiting for other people anymore to go on adventures with me upon this expansive earth
Out of my comfort zone, I find you
I see you there, through the lush, crisp trees, and my jovial spirit begins to awaken
We empathize with one another as humans who have experienced health crises
We are there, next to the rushing river, pushing past physical disability
Testing our bodies to see how far they can travel, how much they can carry
Testing my heart, I felt so much release learning to love you without expectation
My life has come full circle, and I come down to earth to live again, wild and free
Feeling my skin so cold and alive, my heart feels like it might explode with joy
I’ve stopped taking life for granted and I bask in the moments of hot soaks, cold dips, and a starry dome overhead as we sleep outside
As I feel my wet, cold face against yours warm and dry, I find myself and choose to live with love
Bit by bit, I remove the compartments I created as an attempt to control the chaos around me
I am supposed to write, so I release my words from the dam I had built and I feel a rush back to my authentic self
I find myself naked with my heart wide open, ready to be the light that I came here to be
More consciously aware in this life than ever before, I realized the beauty as it happened
The exhilarating plunges into cold water collided me with my own spirit
After a tiresome vertical swim up from the depths of the outside world, I return to myself
My face breaks through the surface of the water in a splash and I inhale deeply as if I’m breathing air for the first time
My life will never be the same.
About this poem: I wrote the majority of this poem on multiple paper strips years ago as part of an online writing workshop I took part in. This past winter, I found the strips, and added to them to create this poem. It represents the critically important time in my life when I literally returned to myself by following my joy. It was the year I realized that my health was back and that I could again hike as far as I wanted to without worry of my pericarditis coming back. I’ve cried with gratitude on many hikes, in complete awe that I was given a second chance to fully enjoy nature and this life again.
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I’ve been purging. I finally threw out all of my cards and letters from people that I had collected over the last 2 decades of my life. I’m a very sentimental person and I hang onto things that have been meaningful to me. I have been one to write a LOT of letters in my life. A LOT. But I keep being left with the same thought. If having so many things stored in my closet is bothering me, is holding onto these keepsakes to look at once a year (MAX) really serving my highest good? For me, that answer is no. When I picture my closet nearly bare, I feel more free and happy.
I spent part of my time today, OK maybe a large part, reading through some of my most valued cards and letters before saying goodbye. I came across words in a letter, from one of my best friends back in 2006, that made a huge impact on my life. I was struggling really badly with severe depression at the time and this friend was one of the very few people I had opened up to about it. It turns out that they had experienced depression in their own life and their words in this letter really soothed my then broken heart at the time.
Referring to lyrics from an Iron and Wine song, they write, “in song #6, he writes, “so may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten, sons are like birds flying upwards I’ve the mountain,” that hit home.”
The sunrise gives us all a new day and hope for a different experience than the day before when we’re really down in the trenches of depression. The fact that my friend responded with compassion when I told him I was depressed made all the difference to me. In fact, I credit him with being one of the people who saved my life in this lifetime. It feels sad to get rid of this important part of my history, but it’s really just a relic reminding me of things I’ve already assimilated. My memories of it live on. Every moment, every letter, every person, every place, every job is etched into the fabric of the life I have led this time around. Things can remind us of the good times, but the moments are ours whether or not we keep the things we associate with them.
The letters. I moved out of state for college, I then attended 3 different schools for my undergrad, and I traveled the country and lived away from loved ones, often in remotely wild and beautiful places. Sometimes snail mail was the only way I could consistently communicate with my friends and family. I had kept every letter I had received from people when I spent a summer in the backcountry of Alaska nearly 19 years ago now! I had all cards and letters including ones from the Mom of one of my best high school friends who died in our early twenties, I had letters from a friend’s Mom whom I adored who also died, I had letters from my high school sweetheart, cards and letters from my family, and best friends. At one point many years ago, I had just thrown all the letters in a container together and thought of them more as one item. I always thought about it as I’d get rid of or keep all of them. Every year, I open the box, read a few, and decide to close it and keep it all. Not this year.
My bedroom closet is pretty big. It stores my clothes, my camping gear, my sewing machine (I never use), photos/albums, Christmas decorations and a few small things from other holidays, a filing cabinet with loads of papers sorted, and a few containers of my son’s schoolwork starting with preschool, his awards, and a tote of photo albums and pictures. My spirit has been nagging me for the last few years to throw out everything except for my clothes, furniture and things I use regularly. Now I see why.
I really dug into this purge with a purpose to eliminate most of what’s in my closet. Wow. I was holding onto to so many things from my past. Like today, I found a binder in the filing cabinet with ALL of my dog’s paperwork. The adoption papers from the shelter where I got him, his paper collar that listed his supposed breed and age, vet bills. Wow. My Gus dog died in January of 2016! I didn’t even realize that I had kept all of that. I discovered all sorts of things of that nature, whole folders filled with things I no longer need from anywhere from about 10-20 years ago!!!
Here I have been consciously working to usher new energies into my life, without realizing how much I was clinging to the old. Energetically, our space only has room for so much energy, so when we cling to old energies and ones no longer serving us, we unwittingly prevent new energies from coming in. So this week, I have been releasing the old thoroughly. I am ready for all the new that this Universe has waiting for me!
Here it is, nighttime again and I STILL have things strewn about my bed and room. I have made so much progress today. I feel accomplished and lighter. I’ve dropped pounds of literal weight and who knows how much energy that was tied to it. I have more to do, but I feel more ready than ever for my next chapter.
My son opted to get rid of things that were no longer serving him last week too. He really lightened his load. His determination to clear the old was inspirational. And I was proud of myself for not going through the things he was parting with to see if there was anything I could hand down to my nieces (or keep.) I didn’t even look through the books he had outgrown and decided to donate! Now that’s growth! And genuine desire to release the old to make way for the new.
Clearing all of that old energy is palpable. You may have never thought about it that way before: that getting rid of stuff changes the energy of a space, but it does. Think of a time when you’ve purged a bunch of stuff from a room in your house or even from a dresser or cabinet. Did you keep going back to look at the cleared space? It’s because you could feel the shift in energy. It’s more light and free. Sure, we love to see organized space where there was once chaos, but I believe it’s the way the new space FEELS that keeps us wanting more of it. We are, after all, energetic beings surrounded by energy. The nuances affect us whether or not we are consciously aware.
Have you been feeling the same need to purge your belongings lately? How are you doing? How do you feel?
You can listen to Iron and Wine’s song “Upward Over the Mountain” HERE.
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You ever have something keep showing up for you repeatedly, yet completely miss it?
Yeah, that’s been my relationship with peacocks. I realized recently that peacock might have a message for me. I laughed as I thought of the peacock earrings I’ve been wearing daily for probably a year or more, the peacock Halloween costume I have worn several times over the last 7 years. The long skirt I had gotten even before that costume that looked like peacock feathers. Among many other times I reflected that peacock has made an appearance in my life! And as I was laughing with one of my best friends about it recently, I looked up and saw this tiny Polaroid of a peacock I’ve had on my mantel since my friend, Avi, gave it to me last year! Not only that, but they just. keep. appearing.
It’s funny because I was once told that one of my spirit guides is Quan Yin. I have been seeing that name pop up a lot lately and now I see that the peacock has been associated with her.
I have been guided, over the last several years especially, to lead with my heart and show up fully without regards to what people will think of me. I know that when we give ourselves permission to step fully into our power as bright explosions of ourselves, we give others the permission to do the same. Authenticity is a KEY to getting into alignment with our own spirit, and alignment is KEY to experiencing all the magic that life has to offer!
Peacocks don’t give a shit. They’re confident in themselves regardless of what’s going on around them. They are fearless in their expression. They don’t hide their true colors, they flaunt them. And they definitely don’t hold back their truth for fear of what others will think of them. Not everyone is going to like their bright feathers, and they’re OK with that. They don’t need anyone else to like or understand them, because they like and understand themselves and they’re just doing them. I have been learning to do the same. The peacock moves through the world just doing what peacocks do. They don’t doubt, they don’t question, they don’t hold back. Peacocks trust. They know they’re going to find their path/mate/tribe as long as they keep showing up just as they are. They know that the things/other peacocks meant for them will be drawn to them like a magnet. It’s what they experience over and over again. Show their full beauty and attract all that they desire. Wow, such wise beings, right?!
I have never been as confident in myself as I am right now. I was building it and gained so much confidence following my training in Holographic Kinetics. It was a noticeable shift right away. It feels electric and grounding simultaneously. I feel myself stepping more into my power all the time. Learning to fully recognize and embody the energy of my spirit while setting healthy energetic boundaries for myself. Working with and feeling my shift internally, cocooning to integrate the lessons and allow myself to adjust myself to the new levels of energy, and then seeing the shift in my outer world. My word for 2020 is empowered. I can see that peacock has been sharing its flamboyant energy with me to help propel me into my full empowerment. Thank you, peacock.
I am very synced with animals and find that I’ve had so many beautiful animal messengers land on my path throughout my lifetime. The animals shift as I move along my path. They always carry the message I need at the time. Jellyfish is my spirit animal, but I am so grateful for all ofanimals who have touched my life.
What animal(s) hold messages for you? Do you know what your spirit animal is? Is there a repeating animal showing up for you right now?
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After all of the years that have run their course since Shel Silverstein wrote this, isn’t it still so powerful? To me, it represents how we often move through the world hidden behind masks of conformity, unable to connect to the people who radiate the energy and qualities we most seek through connection. How do we get to a place of showing up most authentically in our lives? What allows us to finally drop the masks we’ve been holding up, so that we can find our tribe, our partner, and OURSELVES?
We are born beautiful bundles of light wrapped in adorable little suits complete with the biggest eyes and tiniest toes. Open, present, and connected to the Source that we are. I’ve seen many babies born and have had the pleasure in caring for them immediately after birth. Have you ever felt the energy of a new baby? Their energy shifts the entire room. People laugh, cry, shake, clap, hug, scream, beam, and delight simply because of the presence of a newborn baby. Yes, of course part of that is because of the excitement the family has for this little one, but as everything is energy, there’s so much more to it than than the purely human/physical experience of it. In witnessing birth, we are literally witnessing a portal open up from the spiritual to the physical as a mother ushers new life into the world. How truly amazing is this life? Women are the connection between the spiritual and physical planes.
Because of the work I do in Holographic Kinetics, I have come to know that the spark of a new spirit enters its earthly form at the time of conception inside the mother’s womb. From that moment on, as holograms of our mothers, we become observers to her entire experience. Our mother’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences feel like our own as we are so intimately connected. Even at that stage of our development, we can take on beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and life that will continue to shape our realities throughout this lifetime and sometimes beyond.
Little children do not conform. They want to wear rain boots when it’s dry, sunny and 110 degrees out, they want to wear mismatched, colorful clothes, they want to sing and dance wherever they find themselves. But then, they get sent to school and around 4th grade/9 years old, they notice that other people are paying attention to them and what they’re doing, saying, and what they’re wearing. They’re noticing the same about others. And their whole world shifts. Rather than being completely free, they become easily embarrassed. They move away from their free-spirited nature, and towards what everyone else seems to expect from them. At this point, they might put on a mask to conceal their true nature. And their light dims.
As teenagers, the judgements grow as do the comparisons to each other. With social media booming, people are exposed to, and are therefore able to compare themselves to more people than ever before in humankind history. But it’s a false comparison when we pit our insides against anyone’s outsides, especially the outsides that are neatly displayed on social media. Nevertheless, all of the comparison quickly steals joy. Teens can start feeling lonely and isolated during this time, because many are not connected real person to real person, but rather masked person to masked person. They question how anyone can love them, since they know, even if only deep down, that no one REALLY knows them. And their light dims even more.
For those people blessed enough to make it out of their teens and into adulthood, they often find themselves checking off the “requirements” of adulthood as deemed appropriate by society, their parents, and their peers. College, job to pay for college, material possessions, a house large enough to store the material possessions, marriage to another masked individual with much to be revealed once the papers are signed, the debts are incurred. Passion takes a backseat to responsibility. Feeling further separated from their own inner guidance system, their own spirit and truth, their light dims more.
Clearly, I’m speaking generally. Not everyone masked themselves as children. Not everyone felt the need to conform to the rules. But the reality is that many have felt those pressures and can relate to what I am writing.
So then, how do we break free from that life-long programming that has us worrying so much about what other people think of us and what we “should” be doing that we allow our own light to be dimmed? I think for many of us, we hit a breaking point. A time when our mind, body, and/or spirit simply can’t take it anymore. The exhaustion and stress of holding up the weight of everyone else’s expectations, and misaligned expectations that we have placed on ourselves opens us up to dis-ease, breakdown, crisis, and/or collapse. Mine was dis-ease that turned into Lyme disease that attacked my heart. After years of not following my own heart and inner guidance, my physical heart nearly stopped beating. Did I recognize this beautiful metaphor as I was living through it? Absolutely not. Did I need to recognize it for the medical emergency I experienced to lead me down a road to completely shift myself and my life? No! Believe me, I was backed into a very tight corner eventually and the state of my health FORCED me to change my life.
But, I want you, the reader, to know that you don’t have to wait until body/mind/spirit pushes back and your heart nearly fails or you get into a serious car accident to change how you’re moving through the world. You can choose to listen to and follow your own spirit’s guidance now. You can make a conscious decision today to take steps towards a new reality. A reality with less rigid rules to follow, more joy, more freedom of expression, and most importantly, more alignment with your own spirit.
5 Important Reasons to Stop Fitting In:
1. Conformity squashes our spirit. You were born to be YOU!! Not your sister, brother, Mother, Father, or friend. When we’re constantly trying to fit in, we will constantly feel tired and rejected. We are, after all, rejecting ourselves by behaving this way. We have to start accepting ourselves fully and internalizing the fact that we were born to SHINE, not fit it!
2. Your vibe attracts your tribe. So if you’re showing up inauthentically in your life, you’re going to have a sense of not belonging to the groups you find yourself socializing in. Your connections will feel very surface level, because you, yourself, are staying surface level with what you reveal about yourself to others. It’s only when we expose our own depth that others will reflect that back to us and we’ll find ourselves having more meaningful connections and conversations. You can’t find your people while wearing a mask. How will they find you if you just look and act like everyone else??!
3. Authenticity is one of the most important ways to align with our own spirits and reach new levels of freedom. If we want to feel fulfilled. If you want a life of freedom, joy, and love, the best way I’ve found is to connect in with our own inner guidance system/our spirit and live from that place. If everyone showed up authentically in this world, I truly believe that there would be no gap in finding the solution to every problem. Our energetic vibrations are unique and fill a very specific need on our planet. Alignment with my spirit has led me to amazing people and opportunities. Alignment can look and feel like magic.
4. Our purpose in life is who we are, NOT what we do. As we move through the world as uniquely ourselves, we help create positive change. When we prioritize our own alignment and live with passion, freedom, and joy, our experience and elevated energy ripples out and positively affects the collective. In alignment, I’ve found that I still feel called to help people, but the difference is that I now realize that I don’t have to DO anything specific to make that so. In alignment, the things we say in conversation give people just the right insights at the right time, and we can be the catalyst for downloads of remembrance for people.
5. Following our joy and passions is a requirement, not a luxury if we want to lead more fulfilling lives. When people follow what they think they “should” do for money, fame, or to please their own parents, they often ignore their own inner guidance system (intuition/spirit) and end up feeling depleted. If you want to feel better, you’ve got to start doing more things that light you up! What made you feel most alive when you were a kid? What passions have you forgotten that you had? What part of you have you been neglecting? Our passions are a direct link to our spirit. Follow them into alignment and you’ll be rewarded with increased synchronicities that guide you towards people, situations, and opportunities that are for your highest good.
I am so grateful for the shifts that are happening on this planet. So many have come here to question and push against the status quo. There are so many beautiful spirits here who are living their truth and making it a priority to remain aligned with their own spirit. When we show up authentically, we give permission for others to do the same. When asked what love means to me recently, I answered something like: love means holding space so that a person feels comfortable being their authentic self. It’s what came out when prompted with little time to think about it. But seriously, if all we do in this life is love people into their own best version, we will have done a LOT to shift the state of this planet. Think about it: we give the people in our lives unconditional love which to me means holding space for their authenticity…authenticity is key to alignment with our own spirits…and alignment with our own spirits is what leads us to living our best lives full of more freedom, joy, love, and fulfillment!
I hope this post inspires you to take a step towards connecting with your own spirit, while disconnecting from the conformist program. I don’t know about you, but I never wanted to live a shallow life. I’ve always craved more juicy depth and meaning in my connections. We get to decide how we show up, therefore we get to decide what reality we experience. Show up as your true, raw, authentic, and vulnerable self, and you will attract everything you seek like a magnet.
“Driftin’” by Matisyahu
“Expansive soul with my wings in the air Try to fit a circle in the square All this talk about my look, who cares Shallow minds just got to surface”
I used to buy notebooks and journals all the time, and never write in them. Then, in about 2015, I started filling them and I haven’t stopped. The words just keep pouring out of me. During the times in my life when I lost my voice and gave my power away to other people and other things outside of myself, I withheld my creative expression. Now, it’s as if the floodgates have opened!
I remember times in my life when my energy overwhelmed the people I was closest to in my life. I remember times of having my words and actions questioned to the point of causing me to retreat deep inside of myself, because I felt “wrong” in every way I was trying to show up in the world. I remember the numerous times when people said I talked too much. You know, when you’re as sensitive as I am, you’re hearing people’s words and sensing what they’re thinking and feeling about you.
I am so happy that I have taken the time to get really confident in myself to the point of not caring if someone doesn’t like the way I’m showing up. I know that my energy attracts my tribe and I see how the people and situations in my life have shifted accordingly. I am happy that I have cultivated my communication over the years, because it’s extremely important for my purpose and the work I do. Communication is key to my favorite — connection. I’m so glad that through the course of my lifetime, I have taken classes, and have been in situations that required me to write a LOT. Again, all important for my purpose.
On May 31, 2018, after leaving my last shift as an RN in the hospital, I wrote: “I have chosen to follow my intuition, the synchronicities, and the urgings of my spirit and step onto a mostly invisible path. And I’ve never felt more at peace or more confident in my decisions as I do right now. I turn 39 tomorrow and fly around the world to a place I have dreamed of going since I was 18 — AUSTRALIA! It has taken me the better part of 39 years to get to this place. Today, I feel like I walked to the edge of a tall, spiring cliff, arms raised up like wings in the air, and jumped off into the great unknown with a confidence I didn’t have 3 years ago.”
Show up! Take risks! Live large!
I could have never seen the changes that would happen in my life from the ones I made back in 2018. My life looks nothing like I thought it would. I’m doing things for work now that didn’t even know existed back then! My personal sessions of Holographic Kinetics have only added to my confidence. One of the issues I cleared isn’t one I knew I had – feeling like there was something wrong with me. I had been carrying that around with me since my 20’s. It has been an experiment of sorts to clear issues like this one through Holographic Kinetics and then wait and see how it shifts my life. It’s hard to pinpoint the individual shifts and what issue’s release led to them, but I do know that I just feel so much more confident and comfortable in my own skin, and so much more trusting in my journey.
If you’re interested in having a Holographic Kinetics session with me, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information. This week, I have openings on Thursday morning, Friday evening, and Saturday. I usually have availability on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and Saturday and Sunday. I schedule within the week we’re in. You can also visit http://www.holographickinetics.com for more information.
Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG and FB for more inspiring content. Sending you all lots of love!
My current song obsession can be heard HERE. It’s Nahko and Medicine for the People’s “Aloha Ke Akua”. And the even more fitting song, “Confidence” by Matisyahu HERE.
When you open my chest on the autopsy table you will find the silver lining around my scarred heart marking the illness I overcame.
You will find a turquoise sea of love that I experienced throughout my lifetime.
Lust for places I traveled to and fell in love with, and all of the places that were always on my list for a future time.
You will find images of my son tucked away — saving them like photographs in an old static-cling photo album we always had when I was a kid.
You will find the joy that filled my days after the needle that removed the serosanguineous fluid from around my heart gave me a second chance at life — true, fully alive life.
You will find parts of every person I have connected with, every moment in nature I’ve spent, and every adventure I have ever had.
Body decaying, spirit gone on to the next life to live and love again through another suit with its own bones and flesh and organs.
A chest open with remnants remaining with the spark of my spirit on to the next time and place.
When you open my chest on the autopsy table, you won’t find me.
I am boundless and ever-evolving.
I’ll be back among the stars.
Energy swirling around the cosmos connecting back in with the Source that I AM.
When my body died, my spirit lept out and became everything that it always was — INFINITE.
I wrote this in a spoken word workshop I participated in this past weekend. We all had to include the same 5 words (I accidentally left one of them out) with the same opening line. We wrote for 10 minutes. This is what came of it. I hadn’t really thought about what I had written until I stood in front of the group to read it. Reading it out loud moved me to tears. It made me realize how even with everything I’ve been through, life is so very beautiful.
When I do leave this body, I want the people who love me to internalize this message. Read this at a party on the beach around a bonfire while people drum, dance, and celebrate! Toss my cremated remains into the sea and move on with gratitude for any moments you shared with me. We are far more than the meat suits we’re currently wearing. Life would not be so sweet without death. We are all infinite spiritual beings having a human experience.
Thank you for being here. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG or FB for more inspiring content. Sending you all so much love!