Return to Myself

I’m ready to heal the stories and stop pretending reality away

I’m not waiting for other people anymore to go on adventures with me upon this expansive earth

Out of my comfort zone, I find you

I see you there, through the lush, crisp trees, and my jovial spirit begins to awaken

We empathize with one another as humans who have experienced health crises

We are there, next to the rushing river, pushing past physical disability 

Testing our bodies to see how far they can travel, how much they can carry

Testing my heart, I felt so much release learning to love you without expectation 

My life has come full circle, and I come down to earth to live again, wild and free

Feeling my skin so cold and alive, my heart feels like it might explode with joy

I’ve stopped taking life for granted and I bask in the moments of hot soaks, cold dips, and a starry dome overhead as we sleep outside

As I feel my wet, cold face against yours warm and dry, I find myself and choose to live with love

Bit by bit, I remove the compartments I created as an attempt to control the chaos around me

I am supposed to write, so I release my words from the dam I had built and I feel a rush back to my authentic self 

I find myself naked with my heart wide open, ready to be the light that I came here to be

More consciously aware in this life than ever before, I realized the beauty as it happened

The exhilarating plunges into cold water collided me with my own spirit

After a tiresome vertical swim up from the depths of the outside world, I return to myself

My face breaks through the surface of the water in a splash and I inhale deeply as if I’m breathing air for the first time

My life will never be the same.

About this poem: I wrote the majority of this poem on multiple paper strips years ago as part of an online writing workshop I took part in. This past winter, I found the strips, and added to them to create this poem. It represents the critically important time in my life when I literally returned to myself by following my joy. It was the year I realized that my health was back and that I could again hike as far as I wanted to without worry of my pericarditis coming back. I’ve cried with gratitude on many hikes, in complete awe that I was given a second chance to fully enjoy nature and this life again.

Thanks so much for reading along. If you enjoyed this post, please like and share it. Follow me on IG for more inspirational content.

Sending you all so much love!

Jammie

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