I’m ready to heal the stories and stop pretending reality away
I’m not waiting for other people anymore to go on adventures with me upon this expansive earth
Out of my comfort zone, I find you
I see you there, through the lush, crisp trees, and my jovial spirit begins to awaken
We empathize with one another as humans who have experienced health crises
We are there, next to the rushing river, pushing past physical disability
Testing our bodies to see how far they can travel, how much they can carry
Testing my heart, I felt so much release learning to love you without expectation
My life has come full circle, and I come down to earth to live again, wild and free
Feeling my skin so cold and alive, my heart feels like it might explode with joy
I’ve stopped taking life for granted and I bask in the moments of hot soaks, cold dips, and a starry dome overhead as we sleep outside
As I feel my wet, cold face against yours warm and dry, I find myself and choose to live with love
Bit by bit, I remove the compartments I created as an attempt to control the chaos around me
I am supposed to write, so I release my words from the dam I had built and I feel a rush back to my authentic self
I find myself naked with my heart wide open, ready to be the light that I came here to be
More consciously aware in this life than ever before, I realized the beauty as it happened
The exhilarating plunges into cold water collided me with my own spirit
After a tiresome vertical swim up from the depths of the outside world, I return to myself
My face breaks through the surface of the water in a splash and I inhale deeply as if I’m breathing air for the first time
My life will never be the same.
About this poem: I wrote the majority of this poem on multiple paper strips years ago as part of an online writing workshop I took part in. This past winter, I found the strips, and added to them to create this poem. It represents the critically important time in my life when I literally returned to myself by following my joy. It was the year I realized that my health was back and that I could again hike as far as I wanted to without worry of my pericarditis coming back. I’ve cried with gratitude on many hikes, in complete awe that I was given a second chance to fully enjoy nature and this life again.
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Sending you all so much love!