Fear or Love?


I used to make my decisions based in fear.  But it was a subconscious thing I was doing.  In fact, it was so subconscious that it took an intuitive reading with some students at the Berkeley Psychic Institute to have this pattern pointed out to me.  They specifically told me:  “You’ve made a lot of your decisions based on fear.”  It was a HUGE aha!  moment in my life, a total game-changer!  And as if my life was a movie playing out on a gigantic screen in my head, I began seeing images for my past flash upon the screen.  Mostly, I saw the big transitions in life.  I flashed to the time when I was deciding on college during late night school.  I remember having fear that if I didn’t use the opportunity and resources to leave my hometown, that I would be stuck there forever in the life that everyone around me was living, devoid of the travel and adventure that I was so longing to experience.  I see now that a lot of my beliefs were passed onto me from my family.  The notion that money was hard to come by, and that success could only come after earning a college degree.  I see now that those are just stories we tell ourselves that ultimately work to hold us back.  Fast forward some years later, and before my marriage, I had some fear that if we didn’t take the next step in our relationship and get married, that the only alternative was to end the relationship.  Shit or get off the pot, right?!  This was something that I put on myself.  And with my current perspective, that notion seems completely ridiculous.  But how many of us carry this story around?  In reality, relationships can be whatever we want them to be without us having to fit it into a box that someone built a long time ago.  Again, long-held stories passed down generation after generation.  We absorb the beliefs and stories held by our families and we subconsciously carry them into our adulthood.  But many of the stories that we carry are not serving us well, and even though they feel like the truth, they are not.

And it’s not just the big decisions that count when we examine our lives to see if we’re living from a place of fear or a place of love.  It’s the small every day decisions after all, the moments, that we have every day that add up in seemingly more rapid succession all the time, that create our lives.  It’s our day in, day out moments that determine our future.  An interesting thing that I heard recently in one of Jake Ducey’s videos, is that our current reality is merely a reflection of the decisions and beliefs of our pasts.  It’s not defining who we are right now.  We define ourselves in the present moment.  So the work that we’re doing now to create the best version of ourselves, the work that we’re doing to free ourselves from the stories, will all make way for a brighter future for us.

In general, I have to realize that I am doing something in order to change it.  And in this case, it took having this pattern of living in fear recognized and spoken out loud to make me see how I had been creating my life.  In that moment, I decided that I did not want to live in fear.  I did not want to make decisions based on my fears, because I know that the fear prevents me from taking positive action in my life, and prevents me from doing things that I want to do.  Fear comes in handy when it comes to keeping us from getting hurt in the moment, like a healthy fear of not wanting to touch a hot stove top, or the fear that keeps us from stepping into a busy road without first checking that no cars are coming.  But a lot of the fear is unfounded.  Our minds build things up.  Have you experienced that too?  Maybe you avoid doing something because you’re afraid of all of the things that “could” go wrong.  There are difficult things that I felt I had to do to not live with regrets in this life, and my fear almost stopped me from even trying.  But on the other side of so many instances where I chose to follow the love in my heart vs. the fear in my mind, I have found that it is much more satisfying and fun to turn those fears off and LIVE!

To me, basing my decisions on love is a much more fulfilling and authentic way to live.  When a decision is before me, I try to silence my fears and listen to my heart, my higher self.  I like to be led with my soul, because in my experience, the things that follow fill me with the most joy.  I believe the purpose of this life is to live our joy and to share it with others.  Like Jake Ducey said during his “Genius Within” seminar, we should all be working towards having everything in our lives making us really REALLY happy!  And as Eckhart Tolle said in the “Power of Now”,  when something in our life isn’t making us happy, then we need to work to remove ourselves from the situation, change it, or accept it.  We only have those three options.  Small things like going outside of my fear of rejection and introducing myself to someone new has led me to my closest friendships here.  But in the moment, I had a fear to put myself out there, a nervousness, but I reached out anyway because for me I had set meeting new people and making new friends as a priority in my life.  It was something that was important to me.  And I could see that if I always did the same things, I was going to get the same results.  So, if I hadn’t been making new friends because I let my nerves stop me from speaking up, I was going to have to change that behavior to get a new outcome.  It works!  I have had it reinforced so many times now that when I am faced with a new situation that pushes me outside of my comfort zone, I consciously don’t let the fear win.  I know that if I lead with my heart, beautiful things come of it, or that the experience will grow me/my life in powerful ways.  So either way, it’s always worth it.

We don’t make new friends by sitting back and allowing our nerves to control our actions.  We don’t go on adventures if we stay home and “what if” ourselves to death.  What if a mountain lion attacks me? What if I get lost?  What if I can’t hike for 8 miles?  What if the cute boy turns me down?  What if no one likes me?  What if my business fails?  We spend TOO MUCH TIME focusing on all of the things that could go wrong and not enough time focusing on everything that could go right!  “What if” will keep you living a small, uninspired life.  Stop asking yourself “what if” (fill in the negative outcome), and take action.  Follow your heart and trust that you will be rewarded for it.

Our egos are powerful.  They exist to keep us safe.  They have collected a series of beliefs, patterns, thoughts, behaviors from our experiences, but also from people that we have been surrounded by, our society, culture, and even our ancestors.  Subconsciously, our lives are being affected by things that we believe to be true that we have never fully examined.  How are your subconscious beliefs affecting your life?  Can you see that everything and everyone outside of yourself is not really your issue?  Maybe you’re just starting to ponder this for yourself, so maybe the concept that all of our issues come back to us is foreign to you.  Or maybe you’ve been doing the work for a while now, and you have come to realize that the situations in your life are just reflecting your inner state back to you.  Regardless of where you are on your journey, you are right where you are supposed to be in this moment.  We all learn the lessons we are meant to learn when we are meant to learn them.  Sometimes, we have beliefs that we aren’t deserving of love, things, xyz, and so those beliefs manifest in our reality, like a self-fulfilling prophecy.  When we believe that our life is lacking, we see lack show up in our life.  When we don’t believe that we are worthy of something, we don’t see it show up in our life, no matter how badly we want it.  Have you ever heard the saying, “we don’t get what we want, we get what we are?”  So when we walk around feeling unworthy, that’s how we are showing up in life, and our experiences work to reinforce our thoughts.  Start feeling worthy of all success and watch your life change.  Start living in love with yourself, and watch people show up in your life who love you.

Last year, my doctor found a lump in my breast during a routine physical.  Initially, I got scared, it surprised me.  But luckily, this came after my realization that my previous illnesses had been for my own good, so I functioned from that place, and I set the fear aside.  Instead of worrying incessantly about all of the “what ifs”, I thought 1. it may be benign in which case no amount of worrying is needed or worth my time 2. if it is cancer, I have worked in oncology and I know the doctors and have a good understanding of the path of treatment that I would choose 3. I knew I was being taken care of no matter the outcome and 4. I trusted that if it was something that was meant to kill me, that I would be OK and my son would be OK because the Universe is always taking care of us.  I told my family because I felt like they needed the head’s up just in case, so they wouldn’t be so blindsided if it was cancer.  But I took my own advice that I give to parents when their baby is having an extra test to check their heart or spinal cord, and that is to try really hard to not worry unless the test comes back and the doctor tells you it’s something to worry about.  And I just flowed with it.  On the day of my mammogram, I was in a great mood.  My sister was visiting and it was a beautiful, sunny day.  I was curious about the whole mammogram process.  I had zero fear when I walked into the building.  I smiled, and talked to people I came into contact with.  I was excited when they told me that I’d also have the needed ultrasound done at that same appointment, because it would all be done that day.  I lived with the trust that I was being taken care of.

And guess what?! It ended up being no more than a small, fluid-filled cyst.  A tiny little spot of fluid, no more, no less.  I was SO happy that I had not wasted my time worrying!!  Imagine the weeks of time that worrying would have stolen from me.  All to find out that it was nothing.

Don’t get me wrong though, my old self would have been completely losing my shit!  I probably would have been on the verge of giving myself a stomach ulcer by thinking about it so much.  The hamsters in my brain would have prevented me from sleeping and from enjoying all of the moments between the doctor’s office and the day of my mammogram.  I would have been researching all of the worst-case scenarios and the possible treatments.  I would have made myself sick, because I would have been so worried that I was sick.  It sounds completely ridiculous when you put it that way, doesn’t it??!  A perfectly healthy woman making herself sick by worrying that she might be sick.  But that’s the power of the mind.  I can’t reinforce that point enough.  If you believe that you are sick, you will be sick.  If you believe that you are healthy, you will be healthy.  If you believe that your body can heal itself, it can.  If you believe that you need expensive drugs to heal, then you do.  Our minds are much more powerful than we give them credit.  Think about the placebo effect.  When we are told, and tell ourselves that we are taking a beneficial medicine, then we see the positive benefits of that medicine, even if all we are taking is a sugar pill.  Jake Ducey cited an example during the seminar where during WWI, they ran out of IV morphine and started using IV normal saline when performing major surgeries.  So they were telling the soldiers that the normal saline was morphine as they were amputating limbs and performing surgeries.  And what they found was that the soldiers experienced the same pain relief with the normal saline as they had with the morphine!!  How?  The mind!  Our thoughts create our reality.

How often do we worry ourselves sick about something?  How often do we get stuck in thought cycles that are harming us or holding us back?  How long are you going to allow your mind to keep you down?

In all of the self-development work that I have done, and am doing to become my greatest version and to live the life of my dreams, what I find all the time is that when it comes to living my biggest life, I am my biggest obstacle!  ME!  So, I am working to get out of my own way.  I am working to reprogram my subconscious mind.  I am working daily to make sure that I am injecting positive thoughts into my some 65,000 thoughts per day.  I do that by reading uplifting books, by watching uplifting videos, by listening to uplifting music, and by surrounding myself with uplifting people.  Just because we have always done things a certain way, just because we have always thought a certain way, or lived a certain way does not mean that we have to keep things the same if we are not living the life we want to live, or experiencing the joy and peace that we wish to experience.  Jake Ducey told us to let how we feel about things be our barometer for what we are manifesting in our lives.  That the way that we can tell if something is working in our lives is how we feel about it.  You know it’s working for you if it makes you happy, if it makes you feel good.  There is no limit to the amount of joy we can experience in this life.  And it helps no one if we lessen our joy because those around us are not joyful.  I used to do that a lot, and still find myself falling back into that pattern sometimes.  But, we have to remember that everything has a ripple effect, so rather than changing our joy and love to fit with everyone else’s fear and negativity, we must live our joy, and our love, and allow THOSE emotions to permeate the world.

Positive change in the world will always start with positive change in ourselves.  There is no shortcut around it.  Please do not fear the work, because I am no different from you.  If I can make these grand, sweeping changes to my thoughts, and my life, then so can you.  Don’t waste your life waiting around for someone or something to save you.  Save yourself.  You’re the only one who can do it.  And there’s no better day to start than today.

I hope you do one thing today that scares you.  Be afraid and do it anyway.  What’s the best that could happen?  You’ll never know if you don’t try.

Instead of music, I will leave you with this link to a VIDEO (less than 6 minutes long) that sparked me to write about fear and love today.  It’s a speech that the actor, Jim Carrey, gave at a commencement ceremony, put to drawings.  He touches on some powerful concepts that I think you will find thought-provoking and positive.  Enjoy!

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